Wow

Okay so I thought I was finally getting to a point where I could think about her . I made the mistake of asking one of her friends about her. She said she was on a trip and was getting pretty serious about the guy she was with. All my internal organs dropped to my feet - damn I thought I could handle this because I had stopped thinking about her continuously. Well, haven't slept in two days and it feels like I just saw her an hour ago. I wrote about this when I first joined this forum - the problem was I wasn't aggressive enough to take the relationship to a deeper level - so she left. You know I sort of hated her for a while but after I got my distance I realized my own insecurities was the problem. Anyway I'm pretty much in a tailspin again and really critical of myself. This obsession is getting beyond neurotic - I want to wish her well because I think she really offered me something I didn't know how to accept. All I know is I can't breathe again. It's really hard to get her off that mental pedestal - my stomach churns. Hope I have peace BEFORE I die.... Thanks

Perhaps there was something instinctual, that initially stopped you in the first place. I recognize that you might reject that statement immediately. Understandable that you would.
Right now, you seem to have her on this incredibly towering pedestal. Even, if deserving, it's an unrealistic expectation of someone else. Fantastically so.
Noone is that deserving that you're spiralling this far down.

I'm sorry you're going through this rough time.Hopefully, things will get better soon.

Thanks, part of the problem is that I'm a loner - most of my "friends" are acquaintances. Losing an actual friend impacts me more than others. Especially, if the friend is the opposite sex - it's a drag because I get abnormally clingy. I don't know if I have enough time left, relationshipwise, to deal with this. My energy level ain't what it used to be - this just adds to the challenge. It's just easier to not get involved but it's also painful......

Not enough time? People of all ages meet and have connection....

my ex....
she and i parted ways....
we both still love each other,
but sometimes its for the better
its time to heal, and in time it will heal