[Macd123]

Okay, so this has been a huge issue with me throughout my existence. Seems that every time I get remotely close to a female (doesn't happen much) I tumble into an attachment. What happens is I'm really insecure about romantic involvement (yikes) and if they were interested it usually dissipates and I'm alone again. In certain situations I would really enjoy having the person as a friend - my experience seems to confirm that this ain't gonna happen. So because you have different physical characteristics you lose a friend. Of course, there is always the attachment issue which may be hard to control in a non-romantic relationship. And there's also the boyfriend, husband, etc. that makes this situation really sticky if not suicidal. I really like women but I can't seem to keep them in my life - it's always a fifteen minutes of fame thing and they're gone. I do have a close guy friend but it ain't the same. Women just offer a very different and refreshing view of things. Thanks I'm done rambling now.

[tearsinabottle]

In my own experience the men who has said they are ok with friendship have never stayed one.

But my sister she has a friendship of opposite sex and they are good friends most of the times.

I think it can be possible to have friendships of opposite sex, but its a bit difficult to find them.

[~Christina]

I have many male friends.

[Macd123]

I guess I'm in a different universe. If they're single and you find them attractive enough to be your friend seems like you develop deeper feelings and get a little possesive. If they're married or have a boyfriend you're always walking on egg shells - it's hard to be yourself because some things are just off limits. Not true with same sex friends unless they are gay - then you have the same problem.

[TheDeepGreenSea]

Yes, but often the lines get blurred.

Most of my closest friends growing up were female. It was like 50/50 that one or both of us would develop feelings at some point. I dated a few of them, it didn't work out and most of the time we remained friends after.

[Macd123]

Okay as an example I have two neighbors - one is male the other is female. I often have hallway (I live in a condo) discussions with both of them. The male friend I feel comfortable asking out for coffee or going for ice cream. I'm not real comfortable asking the female friend out anywhere because I feel one of us might think something is going on. There's also a good chance of the physical thing, i.e. I'll be so busy looking at her hair and eyes that I'll forget what we were talking about - this isn't a problem with the guy. Maybe it's just me I'm always in need of more affection.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Macd123

I guess I'm in a different universe. If they're single and you find them attractive enough to be your friend seems like you develop deeper feelings and get a little possesive. If they're married or have a boyfriend you're always walking on egg shells - it's hard to be yourself because some things are just off limits. Not true with same sex friends unless they are gay - then you have the same problem.

I don't feel someone has to be attractive to be my friend. Maybe that is why its never been an issue for me. Dunno

[Macd123]

Attractive can relate to other qualities like humor or intelligence. The word attractive could also apply to male friends - there are definitely males I don't find "attractive" because of our differences.

[divine1966]

Yes you can. As long as you are honest with yourself that's what you want

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[avlady]

yes you can

[Macd123]

I guess I'll have to try harder but knowing me I'll just end up looking for emotional support and something deeper - the nature of the beast.

[Gwen314]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Okay, so this has been a huge issue with me throughout my existence. Seems that every time I get remotely close to a female (doesn't happen much) I tumble into an attachment. What happens is I'm really insecure about romantic involvement (yikes) and if they were interested it usually dissipates and I'm alone again. In certain situations I would really enjoy having the person as a friend - my experience seems to confirm that this ain't gonna happen. So because you have different physical characteristics you lose a friend. Of course, there is always the attachment issue which may be hard to control in a non-romantic relationship. And there's also the boyfriend, husband, etc. that makes this situation really sticky if not suicidal. I really like women but I can't seem to keep them in my life - it's always a fifteen minutes of fame thing and they're gone. I do have a close guy friend but it ain't the same. Women just offer a very different and refreshing view of things. Thanks I'm done rambling now.

In my personal experience, platonic friendships are possible, but only if both involved understand there will never be a chance to turn it into a romantic relationship.

However, this understanding is often left unspoken, and this is the problem with platonic friendships. Person ‘A’ believes that the friendship will eventually progress into a relationship; person ‘B’ believes it will stay the same. When person ‘A’ makes an advance and person ‘B’ declines, it causes friction.

This situation happened to me last year. A dear friend (whom I’d been close with for two and a half years) wanted to begin a relationship with me. I declined, and when I began dating someone else a month later, he walked out of my life.

Platonic friendships are possible, but there has to be a clear understanding that it can go no further. Even then, romantic feelings have a tendency to surface.

[Macd123]

Yep been there - done that. It gets too painful if you get attached.

I have several male friends some of whom are attached and some who are single, one of whom I'm very close to.

It's been my experience in the close opposite sex friendship that boundaries have to be discussed and agreed sooner or later, and as I'm married that has included my husband. If my husband didn't like or trust a male friend of mine that would be the end of it, but he likes and gets on very well with my close male friend and the three of us hang out together sometimes.

I think it would be very limiting to rule out 50% of the human race as friends, and feel that opposite sex friendships can be very valuable to both men and women, it's that balance and different perspective.

Attraction is a point to consider and be aware of, I would say I like all my male friends and appreciate their admirable and attractive qualities - mutual high regard, and it is a kind of attraction. But I'm always aware they're 'not for me', but some other lucky lady - if not now then in the future. I want good things for all my friends, male or female.

I won't lie, in the early days with my close male friend I had a couple of 'what is this?' moments because we were so close (very similar in personality), but the first time we hugged it was both revealing and relieving to discover it was non-sexual, and like a brother/sister. I feel very lucky and blessed to have him in my life.

Hope this makes some sense to you Macd123.

[A Red Panda]

It's absolutely possible to have friendships of the opposite sex. Many of my closest friendships, the longest-lasting too, are with men.

I've never openly discussed "relationship" with them. Once or twice if someone expressed interest in more - which almost always happened when I entered into a new relationship so I'm not really sure what they are expecting from that. But those friendships have still been maintained!

[ChipperMonkey]

Yes, very possible. I can make male friends easily. I don't think I could make a female friend to save my life. I don't know what it is...