Does it get easier?

I met a girl on a dating site late last year and we immediately hit it off. It all felt so right, ya know? We went on a few dates and I asked her to be my girlfriend. Some of you may think that is a bit soon but I didn't think so. Obviously, she said yes. She wanted to take things slow because she had gotten out of a bad relationship 3-4 months prior. The next few weeks were some of the best times of my life.

Then one day, she had a rough day at work so I get her some space. Within the same day or the next, i'm over at her place and we're having a long discussion. She tells me she isn't ready for a relationship at the moment. I ask her if we can maybe put us on "hold" and she said something like, "i stand by my decision 100% when I say I don't want to be in a relationship." To this day, i'm still so crazy about her but it doesn't matter anymore. I want to move on but I can't. She also said at one point during the conversation, "this has absolutely nothing to do with you." I felt good about that but after I saw my therapist he said, "most women will lie and say it has nothing to do with you because it is easier." I get why women do that but I would prefer the women to tell me what I did wrong even if it hurts. We were only a couple for just about 4 weeks but i'm still in pain.

We broke up back in march but my heart is still so tender. This break-up was my first REAL break-up ever. So my question is - does it get easier?

Rino, sorry for your pain and grief from separation. My own expectations that I am going to meet the person that will make me happy makes me vulnerable to this type of pain. It makes separation so difficult. I find it difficult to let go and accept this relationship had many problems, in your case not wanting to be in a relationship. The pain from this type of situation is the disappointment I feel for being let down one more time. It goes back into my past and really has more to do with the lack of nurturing and acceptance that happened to me earlier in life.

Surprised that your therapist does not try to see where this pain is leading to. It is a cave that opened up and following may show you what this really is all about. A problem with our inner child.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Yes, it does get easier....well, I mean that time will help to heal your wounds. I think that the first breakup is especially hard. The first time you're cheated on is especially hard. Not that any breakup or experience with infidelity is easy, but that's just been my experience. That is, that the firsts are the hardest to handle.

I understand that your therapist was trying to be helpful, but at the same time I don't agree with his assessment that most women will lie and say it has nothing to do with you. This means that your therapist is encouraging you to be a self-centered being who thinks that if someone else has some sort of conflict with you, that yes, it IS because of you. Uhm, sometimes it really isn't about you in the least. Sometimes people are dealing with their own personal issues. I guess I just have a beef with our very me-me-me centered world. "oh, there is something wrong, it must be because of ME!" Oh, please.

I am a trauma survivor, and I can tell you firsthand that I go through so much crap with relationships and trying to make them work....oftentimes, it isn't the other person in the least. I get stressed out and need to step back. Is it the other person? Nope. I'm a straight shooter, and if i tell someone that it isn't about them, I mean it. I don't sugar coat crap in order to make people feel better. But on the flipside, if something is indeed going south because of the other person, I let them know.

But yes, to answer your question, it does indeed get easier.

I don't think it gets any easier. Being rejected so many times has left me jaded to the whole dating/relationship scene.

Thank you all for the quick responses. Despite my therapist's response, he is really good at what he does. He is the only person in the world who I can truly be honest and tell everything to.

Yes it gets easier and please hang in there. If somebody is wrong for you it is always better to know right away than years later

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The thing is that we weren't wrong for each other. Maybe I was for her if the problem was with me but I liked her so damn much.

no... i dont think it gets easier....
we just get tougher... more callused...

If she didn't want to be with you, then you were wrong for each other. People can like each other and still be wrong! And it takes two to have a relationship. You'll find right person, heal and move on

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I really disagree with what your therapist said. When things don't work out, it's usually not something someone did or anyone's fault. It's that it just isn't right. It's okay to take what she said at face value.

It does take time to get over someone you really liked, but as time goes by, it will hurt less.

I am really surprised therapist actually said that. So not true and such generalization . And how does it help anyone to think that women lie? What's wrong with this t.

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