[Redbadger]

I've been seeing a girl for 8 months. We get on well, nor too similar in personality (which can be a good thing) attracted to each other.
My problem is that I have unfounded trust issues. When she goes out with friends she really dresses up, as she does when out with me. The thing is she'll wear corsets and such when at fancy dress and such. She has an attention grabbing figure and I struggle to deal with the fact that she does get the attention. Her dancing could be described as flirtatious but she is genuinely unaware of this, insisting it's just how she dances. She has never done any wrong by me and insists she would never cheat. Should I accept it's my problem and carry on or end it to reduce my pain?

[quietincrowd]

That can be scary, I have them too. Have you explained to her you have trust issues and while they are not related to her, you struggle with it and the reasons why? Sharing may be helpful but make sure she understands you are not wanting her to change. This will open the door for when you are feeling vulnerable to share with her. As long as you two have established boundaries that you both agree upon it can also help.

[Redbadger]

I have had issues since we have been together which i have brought up. We have an open and honest policy regarding issues we may have. Much of which came down to my problems stemming from social media and the amount of male attention she receives. Again she says they are friends and has not and will not cheat. I have got over much of that, but i still stumble from time to time. Which is what has lead me to this. I know i'm a victim of my own twisted perceptions, my problem is whether being in a relationship where i'm convinced i'm with the most beautiful girl in the room, and everyone is after her (in my head) is something i can come to terms with ore whether i'm hurting myself. A problem is that, as i know it's in my head, if i ended it who is to say it would be any different with my next partner. Should i force myself to face and overcome it now as it wont otherwise go away?
When i did bring up my insecurity before she has been understanding. I don't ask her to change who she is for me, that would be a terrible thing to ask or expect.

[healingme4me]

Addressing the roots of this, without baraging her with your worries, sounds like a path to take. I say, addressing it without bringing her your every worry because you've already told her, as much. And to avoid pushing her away, taking a solid look at where this comes from with a counselor, friends, support group, or even researching articles and literature would be wise. As you've mentioned, if this should ever come up again in the future.

Certain things, could be in evaluating your internal needs in a relationship. Is anything lacking? Are you getting more attention than others? Etc...

[Rose76]

You might be happier with someone who is a little less inclined to be the belle of the ball all the time. She knows she's pretty and she's working it. I would advise guys to be very leery of girls who keep in touch with lots of single males who are "just friends." Your instincts may not be as paranoid as you are telling yourself.

[Redbadger]

Its not exactly like that. As in Belle of the Ball. I take your point on the friends thing, however, she has admitted on many occasions of her own insecurity. She is 46 and sees herself as too old, fat, ugly. I constantly reassure her that she is none of these things (which she definitely is not). I know for a fact she doesn't say these things to get compliments. I also feel she gathers 'friends' on social media as a way of feeling wanted if you take my point. Not in a relationship sense, more generally. We all dress to impress, but i think she goes that bit further to try to make herself feel attractive in the way that the media trys to tell us we must be if you see what i mean (thin, pretty, young). Thing is, she looks great without make up.