[Avatar10]

Hello,

I am writing this post with a lot of difficulty, because I don't know if anyone may understand what I am going through

I have a wonderful female cat, who is very loving, sweet, and fun. She's almost always in a great mood, and is sweet towards visitors into our home.

However, I started dating someone and we've become a couple recently and he started coming over to my house. The problem begun as soon as he showed up for the first time. My cat, who's always sweet and welcoming, became very aggressive and her hair stood up, as if an intruder had come in
My boyfriend, who **hates** cats, took it really badly

He told me right away "ugh, this cat is horrible, I don't want to come in here anymore, you gotta do something about it, maybe get rid of it"

Between my boyfriends rejection, and my cat being defensive and aggressive about him, I feel torn between two loves

My boyfriend told me he keeps having weird nightmares where a cat pe*s and po*ps on him, eww!

And my cat gets jealous and aggressive even if he's just calling. She can't stand his voice, and when she hears his voice, she jumps on my couch and destroys a pillow slowly into pieces
Last night, my boyfriend shouted through the phone and my cat made an eerie meow to him. It was WAR.

What should I do about this situation? I am so clueless

[bubbles00]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Avatar It's difficult and I totally understand.

Maybe try to explain it to your cat in its cat language. Hopefully she'll understand. I would be devastated to part ways with my cat. Communication will help a lot between the 3 of you. Just talk it through and see how it goes from there and hopefully everything gets resolved.

Maybe ask some questions to your cat like, "why don't you like my boyfriend?", "do you have allergies to certain humans?", "is it your cat senses that something isn't right?". Then ask your boyfriend some questions like, "are you a cat or dawg person?", "are you allergic to cats?", "have you ever had a cat?".

Also another thing I should point out is that is your boyfriend's nightmares seem like a really big problem that can spiral into something worse. Just be there for him at times like this - you don't want it to worsen.

I hope things work out between the 3 of you. Keep us updated.

[Lobster Hands]

Hmmm, I think this could all be a normal case of a guy who just doesn't like cats and a cat being a bit aggressive towards a potential decline in the amount of attention it recieves.........BUT....the other thing that comes to mind is that maybe they met in a past life and are/were nemeses but they aren't fully aware of who each other (or possibly even themselves) are.

In the event that one or both of them are aware of the other's identity, I would strongly suggest breaking it off with one of them. But this war you speak of....it will unfortunately never truly come to an end These things often continue on for generations and often end with the sad demise of those caught in between their competition for love.

Step one - I think you should get a hold of your local animal adoption center and tell them that you have a special case involving a cat with somewhat human reactions who you suspect to be a malice intent scoundrel reincarnate. They get this quite often really, don't worry about getting weird looks...they know what they're doing.

Step two - Your boyfriend...chances are he will know you got rid of the cat (his enemy). A man like him with an archenemy doesn't give up so easily, he will try and find your cat wherever he goes because it's just who he is. The battle began long ago.

Step three - It's out of your hands you must let both of them go there's nothing you can do to stop this and they will continue on for ages destroying relationships and wreaking havoc wherever they wander.

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by bubbles00

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Avatar It's difficult and I totally understand.

Maybe try to explain it to your cat in its cat language. Hopefully she'll understand. I would be devastated to part ways with my cat. Communication will help a lot between the 3 of you. Just talk it through and see how it goes from there and hopefully everything gets resolved.

Maybe ask some questions to your cat like, "why don't you like my boyfriend?", "do you have allergies to certain humans?", "is it your cat senses that something isn't right?". Then ask your boyfriend some questions like, "are you a cat or dawg person?", "are you allergic to cats?", "have you ever had a cat?".

Also another thing I should point out is that is your boyfriend's nightmares seem like a really big problem that can spiral into something worse. Just be there for him at times like this - you don't want it to worsen.

I hope things work out between the 3 of you. Keep us updated.

Hi bubbles,

Thank you for your answer. I feel a bit confused, though. Do you think my cat would be able to "understand" what I'm saying? I've never tried to reason with her before, I'm clueless as how to go about it

As for my boyfriend, yes, I am supporting him, but he needs to get his act together and understand that my cat is more important than him! I met her FIRST! geez....

I'll think about your suggestions, though. Thanks a lot

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands

Hmmm, I think this could all be a normal case of a guy who just doesn't like cats and a cat being a bit aggressive towards a potential decline in the amount of attention it recieves.........BUT....the other thing that comes to mind is that maybe they met in a past life and are/were nemeses but they aren't fully aware of who each other (or possibly even themselves) are.

In the event that one or both of them are aware of the other's identity, I would strongly suggest breaking it off with one of them. But this war you speak of....it will unfortunately never truly come to an end These things often continue on for generations and often end with the sad demise of those caught in between their competition for love.

Step one - I think you should get a hold of your local animal adoption center and tell them that you have a special case involving a cat with somewhat human reactions who you suspect to be a malice intent scoundrel reincarnate. They get this quite often really, don't worry about getting weird looks...they know what they're doing.

Step two - Your boyfriend...chances are he will know you got rid of the cat (his enemy). A man like him with an archenemy doesn't give up so easily, he will try and find your cat wherever he goes because it's just who he is. The battle began long ago.

Step three - It's out of your hands you must let both of them go there's nothing you can do to stop this and they will continue on for ages destroying relationships and wreaking havoc wherever they wander.

Quoting you: "the other thing that comes to mind is that maybe they met in a past life and are/were nemeses but they aren't fully aware of who each other (or possibly even themselves) are."

Omg! That possibility never occurred to me! That would be awful! 
You think maybe they were together in another life and my boyfriend cheated on my cat? I would not be able to live with that thought, though. That’s too crazy to be able to handle it.
What if I take my bfriend to a hypnotherapist? Maybe he can regress to a past life and unravel the mistery enemy relationship with my cat? Idk…I’m getting so confused right now…
Maybe we are too anxious about the situation because both of us are cat lovers and we are having delusional thoughts, idk. Hugs.

[~Christina]

Maybe your cat picks up on something your not seeing(yet)?

I had a dog once go bonkers when he met this guy, We started dating, I wont go into details but I wish I had paid more attention to my dog and followed his lead. The guy was a total asshat..

Just something to consider

[Rose76]

I'd keep the cat and dump the boyfriend.

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by Avatar10

Quoting you: "the other thing that comes to mind is that maybe they met in a past life and are/were nemeses but they aren't fully aware of who each other (or possibly even themselves) are."

Omg! That possibility never occurred to me! That would be awful! 
You think maybe they were together in another life and my boyfriend cheated on my cat? I would not be able to live with that thought, though. That’s too crazy to be able to handle it.
What if I take my bfriend to a hypnotherapist? Maybe he can regress to a past life and unravel the mistery enemy relationship with my cat? Idk…I’m getting so confused right now…
Maybe we are too anxious about the situation because both of us are cat lovers and we are having delusional thoughts, idk. Hugs.

I believe it's possible that we're having delusions because we're cat lovers...but we can't exclude the possibility that the cat may be a bit psychotic as well. Sometimes that happens...I can only imagine the amount of stress that this man is putting on him. But this is a sidetrack, sorry.

The hypnotherapist would actually be a really good idea, I think! Only you should take the cat along also and try influencing his reactions while hypnotized to try and get some sort of response.

Some hypnotherapists are trained to conduct animal hypnotism as well, you could give that a shot...there's no telling what all is pent up inside those stress filled meows

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'd keep the cat and dump the boyfriend.

I agree, our beloved animals are excellent judges of character.


My bf hates cats too, but our family cat just ignores him, because he senses this. He doesn't hate him for it.

[Bill3]

His suggestion that you need to get rid of the cat, at this early stage in your relationship and without any willingness to try to meet the cat halfway, really troubles me. How does your cat get along with other new people? Your boyfriend's remarks about the cat strike me as entitled and lacking empathy.

[Perna]

Yes, not mature of your boyfriend to make you choose. My husband and I lived in the same apartment complex, across the parking lot from one another and I started feeding a stray which he adamantly said I could not allow into his apartment (where I spent my time) but I absolutely could not leave it out in the cold (it was fall, going on winter) so I took it into my apartment. I was never there so it was not terribly well behaved by the time we bought a house and moved in together but it was "mine" and my husband took me and mine. It was not like he had to feed or care for it. He nicknamed it "piss off" as that was its (Rufus) attitude :-) But he let me be me and love whom I liked, etc., he did not try to change me to suit himself? Perhaps you need to use the cat as a way to look at the boyfriend differently. If he gives you ultimatums over a cat, what else might he try to take from you?

[Avatar10]

Hello Rose, Bill, Trippin, Perna

I really appreciate your comments. I have serious doubts about my bfriend due to the fact that he's making me "choose" between him and my cat. That's irrational and cruel, imo. I'll talk to him about this to see what can be done about it. I really, really love my cat so much, I'd never be able to abandon her. She's like family to me

If he loves me, he'll have to learn to love her as well, eventually.

[avlady]

i would also keep the cat and dump the boyfriend, sometimes our furry creatures know more about us than we think

[brainhi]

You are right! If he likes you ... you and he will figure it out. If it were me.. and I had a boyfriend - and their animal was not accepting of me.. I would do everything I could to try and learn how to make this better. Having a pet is one of the best things I ever let in my life. After my divorce I had to give up my dogs.... I mourned for a very long time.. they were my unconditional love.

[RichardBrooks]

Pets are often very in tune with their owners. Perhaps the cat is picking up on doubts or discomforts you have that you are overlooking?

[Lobster Hands]

If only there was a way to switch their brains.....

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Avatar10

...Last night, my boyfriend shouted through the phone and my cat made an eerie meow to him. It was WAR.

Why exactly was your bf shouting thru the phone? Is your cat justified in being protective of you?

[hannabee]

It also seems to me that a new boyfriend would be trying to get along with the cat, NOT get rid of it! That's not a nice person...just saying
Has the cat disliked anyone else? We've had many cats over the years and they were either aloof or affectionate, they only hissed at other dogs (loved our dogs)...maybe this guy is a dog and she's trying to tell you that!

[A Red Panda]

Your pet is family; you are responsible for its entire life and needs. Personally, I think it's really wrong to get rid of a pet for any reason shy of "I just had a baby and that baby is deadly allergic to this type of animal".

If your BF is telling you to get rid of the cat.... I'd get rid of him. No one worth your time would make a demand like that.

He met it once and basically said to get rid of it. That's s***. That demonstrates SUCH a lack of compromise or understanding.

[Avatar10]

Hello everyone, and thanks for your responses.

Update: I had a serious conversation with my bfriend last night, in which he got very defensive about the cat ordeal situation

First of all, he ABSOLUTELY DENIED having ever complained about my cat!! I told him the episode of the first day he came in over and over again, like a broken record, and he kept saying "that's not how it happened, you are being a drama queen, it's only that I don't like being around animals that ATTACK people"

I got infuriated!
how can he lie to my face and turn everything around against my poor kitty? what did she do to him?

He clearly is showing signs of immaturity and not wanting to take responsibility for his actions. I feel like I'm being manipulated into getting rid of my precious cat. It ain't happen

[Bill3]

I feel like I'm being manipulated into getting rid of my precious cat. It ain't happen

Yay!

.

[bubbles00]

This is more than a red flag - It's a red card. Time to kick him out of the game I think.

[Avatar10]

But....he has so many good attributes....being a jerk shouldn't be the reason for dumping him, there has to be more, like for instance, if he's a criminal or something, right?

[Avatar10]

OH! I forgot to mention something important: the day my bfriend was shouting through the phone, it was due to he had had a very stressful day dealing with a person he calls "the shadow man". He is always giving people weird names

[bubbles00]

Originally Posted by Avatar10

OH! I forgot to mention something important: the day my bfriend was shouting through the phone, it was due to he had had a very stressful day dealing with a person he calls "the shadow man". He is always giving people weird names

tell him that he sounds shady himself