[lipstickjunkiexo]

so so me and my partner have been having some serious issues and im basically mentally screwed up in the head because of it. infact its been getting in the way of me taking care of myself and our child. hes a great dad when he wants to be but he can also be a terrible partner. things between us have been really distant lately, lots of arguments. im so stressed im distancing myseld from our baby. because i feel awful for raising my voice or being tense while im holding him. i know hes dealing with depression too and so am i. but we need to be able to work things out or not at all. im so tired of running in circles with him. anways i will start off by saying we met in a bar when i was at my lowest point in my life i was living in shelters just got out of a terrible abusive relationship and i was scared and not ready to fall inlove again. he knew all of this. i was really open with him about all my issues since day 1. he kept trying to get close to me and i think it hurt him because i was unable to feel comfortable. we were hooking up, and going out to bars together and he made me feel uncomfortable he would make comments about other woman "the cleaning lady has a nice *** doesnt she" or " the waitress is hot isnt she?" i tried to play it off like i didnt care but it really hurt. i would drink until i wasnt bothered so i didnt feel uncomfortable. i guess you could say that im an emotional drinker. he was always super flirty even with my bestfriend. it bothered me but i never said anything in the beginning of us dating. he also asked my friend out for a drink and was texting her the day after we met and spent all night keeping each other warm on a park bench. all of these little things slowly started to get under my skin and get to me so i snapped. i started being angry with him.i was sick of hearing about his ex girlfriends and his bestfriend who was madly inlove with him. i was sick of feeling uncomfortable

i wanted to be with him i just wasnt ready to dive head first in to anything. i ended up sleeping with two different guys terrible i know. it was a weak drunk moment. i guess it was my way of hurting him for hurting me. i honestly didnt even think he wanted me. he would make comments all the time that caught me off guard " i really want to be with a nice girl not a party wild girl" when a week prior to that he told me he was in to wild party girls. he was all over the map. he ended up being really hurt and he took off and left me in a hotel room with nothing no food no smokes no money or bus fare. i ended up back at a shelter and we didnt speak to each other for months. i found out i was pregnant and i got a hold of him. at that point i sobered up was back in school and was working towards getting my own place. i apoligzed for hurting him and he apoligzed for taking off and leaving me stranded when he promised he never would. we met up over dinner the next day and he asked me what i wanted to at that point i was in my second trimester. and we decided that we were going to do it together. i was really alone and bitter during my pregnancy so i was thrilled that we were back together. but slowly but surely things went to crap. we were both really excited but stressed to be parents. we were trying to find a place to call home which just lead to disagreements and fighting. i was starting to panic that we wouldnt find a place on time before our baby arrived so i was panicking and putting a lot of pressure and stress on him. i ended up getting my own place and he lives with me so i wouldnt feel trapped if things ever went sour between us. the day we found out we were having a boy was nothing but awkwardness and annoyance. okay scratch that i was raging. he was being way too friendly with my bestfriend who came with us to the ultrasound. he had a little twinkle in his eye, he was overly enthaustic and reassured her that her hair looked good when she was worried about it

i almost felt like a third wheel to my own relationship. he barely spoke to me. just talked her ear off the whole time. i guess it bothered me because he was like that in the summer too and we just reconnected the day before. it seemed to me like he was showing interest in her. i told him over the phone how i felt. and then two days later after all of that, i asked him if he would go to an A.A meeting with me.and he asked if she was going to be there. im not going to lie i snapped. why would it matter if she was there or not ? i felt my blood boil. i felt awkward everytime i was around the two of them. i even ended up avoiding hanging out with my friend. he started treating me different when i became pregnant. i felt so gross , unattractive, and fat. yet i was building a life inside of me. i almost resented the fact i was pregnant. it didnt help that he would constantly check out other woman when we are out together even on dates , and flirt with other women. i felt invisible. we stopped having sex at one point too. he couldnt even keep it hard. he tried to tell me he was just being nice to these woman (which i found that hard to believe he was rude and bossy with even the cab drivers) he tried to say he didnt want my friend to feel like a third wheel he was just being nice to her. which i also thought was crap. he pretty much denies everytime when i catch him checking out other woman which only makes things worse. he lies, hide things, and tries to be all sneaky. even when hes caught red handed. another ex: he will try to hide the fact he watches porn by deleting history and by trying to constantly tell me "im his porn" and he doesnt need it. my friend thinks that just means he probably watches a lot. ive even seen it on his phone when he slips up. he looks up teen porn and hes like 37. kind of freaks me out because he tells me he likes younger women. he just acts suspicious all the time. over the holidays his ex texted him happy holidays. i did get insanely
jealous and i went through his phone to later find out he deleted the thread and kept her as a contact. i told him not to talk to her which is irritational i know. but it bothered me. i freaked out when i found out he deleted the thread. not knowing what they said to each other after the fact drove me mad. i flipped on him and almost left him. i packed up my bag and the he called the taxi from the hotel room and asked them how much a flat rate back home was. he didnt seem to be bothered by the fact that i was hurting. he barely listened to me.even when i was calm.and didnt seem to care when i told him i had enough. it felt like he almost wanted to hurt me. he tells me now he never wanted to. but he just seemed so spiteful and careless. my friend tells me maybe he was hurt by me being with other guys and this was his way to feel better about things? i mean i was pregnant its not like i could go out and get laid and drunk and not give a crap. he also lied to my face he told me he had to work so we couldnt hang out even though we pretty much hung out every weekend. i was stuck in a sort of shelter for pregnant women and was able to have weekend passes. i couldnt wait to get out of there. i hated being there. so i was so mad that i had to stay there. he stopped texting me at night and thats when i knew he wasnt doing what he said he was. i kept calling and texting and leaving voicemails i felt nuts. i was so angry. i was smoking and crying. he ended up showing up there in the morning after not sleeping all night. and lied to my face. he told me he bumped his head and his parents put him to bed. i asked him why they didnt take him to the hospital. he lied over and over again. i told him i knew he was full of crap. we went back to a hotel and he still kept lying. he didnt fess up until i told him i would call his dad to find out. then he told me he was with his friends drinking and smoking pot in a different city and he wanted a night without his phone.

it was his bestfriend who he hadnt seen it awhile that came to town. his other friend actually encouraged him to ignore me. after that day i literally doubted everything he said to me. i couldnt trust him at all. i was paranoid and suspicious that he cheated on me or was cheating on me. i was going crazy in my own head. is boyfriend just a pig that cant be trusted or am i possibly misinterrupting everything. he also never sticks up for me as a mother. my own mom came down here and baby hogged our baby when he was only a few months old. he knew how important it was for me to bond and spend time with him but that didnt stop him from anything. my mother also stood by while i was being abused by her boyfriend for many years. so it killed me to see her being overly affectionate with our son. she wouldnt even let me feed or change him and would try to soothe him. i had to constantly make hints at her. he even tried being all buddy buddy with her. which is weird because they are closer in age than we are. he even hugged her before she lefg even after expressing how angry she made me. i eventually told her off myself. anyways back to the point we also got our son circumised. i didnt agree with it or wanted it but my partner did so i did it to make him happy even though i thought it was unnessecary. anyways i told him it was important for me to be able to soothe him afterwards and he sat there watching as this nurse basically was telling me i didnt know how to soothe him and held him afterwards. he didnt say nothing. i snapped at him right infront of her. out of anger i said i hated him for making me do it. and threw my purse down. it was upsetting to see him in pain and not be able to make him feel better.

another thing that made me extremely hurt was him texting this girl hes been friends with for over 15 years thats out of town currently. he was crossing so many lines and boundaries with this broad. telling each other they love each other and miss each other constantly while we were together. he send her pictures of our son. no pictures of me. just him and our baby boy. she was constantly hitting on him calling him handsome. he even went to the length of calling her aunty to our son. i dont even know this broad. he told me they never hooked up or anything shes just like that. yet when i looked at their old msgs he was constantly asking her " if she wanted to play' he didnt have much to say to that when i confronted him about it. he basically told me it was just a word. yet he used that word with me in the bedroom many times. he called he honey while we were together. i personally messaged this broad and told her off. i told him i didnt want any broads around my child especially if i go to jail. and he told me he wouldnt. yet he was making plans with her to ironically hang out with her when my court date is. she said she couldnt wait to meet our son. shes just creepy. she kept callin his phone after i send her a text telling her to screw off basically. and i answered it and spoke to her. she said they havent kissed since they were fourteen and she would never cheat on her husband because she loves him.and if i didnt want her to be around my boyfriend she would respect that. she almost seemed too nice. i dont know. all my friends tell me it seems to sketchy and ironic that shes coming down here to meet our son when i.might be going to jail. and how they were talking to each.other is messed up and not okay. he basically tried to jusitify everything by how long they have known each other. he now leaves his phone at home to reassure me. he doesnt go out much because he doesnt know too many people in this city . i know hes depressed. we dont talk much we just argue.

he constantly brings up that he has no friends and no one to talk to besides his one friend. and tells me how alone he feels. he gets upset when im on my phone a lot. but i feel like he doesnt even like hanging out with me and he would rather be somewhere else or with someone else. when i harped on him about that girl hes friends with. i kept askin him if hes hung out with her since we have been together. he denied it ans got so angry he picked up a vase like he was going to throw it at me. he also keeps grabbing the kitchen knives and running to the bathroom . i get scared and start pounding on the door scared he will hurt me or himself. i worry that the cops will get called and with our son here he might be taken away or he wont be able to see him. i dont know what to do anymore. we have only had one night where we have both went out together as a couple without the baby by the way. he likes to get out when he feels down i like to isolate myself..hes also a neatfreak im not. and hes usually the calm one out of us two but not lately he hasnt been himself.

this relationship is so unhealthy. i want to be able to trust him.but i cant. i have so much resentment build up over time. i feel like its eating up alive. i dont know if i can fix this relationship or if its damaged beyond repair..i have made my mistakes. i kissed another guy and told him. i felt terrible. i promised myself i would never cheat again. he was mad but seemed like he got over it. i go out and talk to other guys when im out having a girlsnight because i feels good to have someone being interested in what i have to say. i feel attractive and wanted. not lonely and hurt. i try not to take the spiteful path in our relationship but then i remember how hurt i have been and still am. hes pretty much shut himself off of me at this point. we are basically just parenting our child. i dont even feel like a couple anymore

[CANDC]

lipstick, Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you are having many challenges. Have you discussed with your therapist or psychiatrist?

So glad you joined the Psych Central community. I have felt it is a safe and nurturing environment. Hope you feel comfortable here too.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

[~Christina]

Wow, you have so much going on and none of it is remotely healthy. There is a lack of respect on both your parts.

I would suggest you both need independant therapy and then couple counseling if there is any hope of saving this relationship.

Please try to find a way to communicate, your child deserves a happy home life, maybe that is you guys together or maybe not.

Welcome to PC

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central lipstickjunkie!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

It seems as though both of you have a lot of insecurities in the relationship and a lot of miss communication. I have to agree that individual/couples therapy for the sake of your relationship and child would be a good option.

I'm sorry for your struggles. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[Bill3]

he also never sticks up for me as a mother. my own mom came down here and baby hogged our baby when he was only a few months old. he knew how important it was for me to bond and spend time with him but that didnt stop him from anything.

You are the baby's mother. It is up to you to tell your mother when she may, or may not, hold the baby.

You have been through and are going through a lot.

I don't think you need a bad relationship on top of that.