[plynstrom261]

Hello there,

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read though this! I will try to be as concise as I possible can be!

I am dating a guy who is hardly ever around, travels a lot, is very slow to respond to text messages and e-mails and doesn't call often. It sounds bad, I know. But whenever I confront him, he makes it seem like I'm crazy and insists that he is just busy. He knows exactly what to say and always leave me feeling stupid. Two months ago, he told me he has going away for business for two weeks. He only ever responded to one of my emails and ended up gone for 2 MONTHS instead.

If he doesn't want to be with me, he should tell me and leave. He acts like he doesn't care but says he does. It makes no sense to me and is utterly confusing and insane.

Does anyone have any idea what is going on here?

P.S this has been going on for over 6 months

-very confused person

[~Christina]

Was his only communication just that one email while he was gone? No calls, texts... etc? If he wasn't calling to make sure you were ok... well then you need to end this, obviously he's just not invested in the relationship.

The first 6 months or so of a relationship is the "honeymoon phase" typically so it should be a time of always wanting to be together and talk. Something isn't right.

I'm sorry

[Soul Quake]

What exactly are you gaining from this "relationship"? He isn't attentive and lies about his business trips. Actions speak louder than words.

[Sad In TX]

Soul Quake is right. I have personally been through this, and made excuses for the sorry fool. "oh he's busy. His work is everything. Blah blah".

But I knew in my heart I was justifying him ignoring me. We were together on Thanksgiving, and then he disappeared. Poof. I finally wrote him a letter before Christmas saying that I wouldn't put up with the silent treatment, and I didn't hear from him.

It's funny how we make others problems ours, right? And even justify them not wanting to really be with us by making excuses.

But if he's always busy, then he's too damn busy for you. As someone who has learned the incredibly heart-breaking hard way, it means it's over. Let him go and move on.

There is a great quote from Mad Men that resonates with me when I see things like this.
"men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate."

And sadly, it's true.

I wish you the best. Because you deserve better.

[divine1966]

I wonder if this is the situation when you think you two are in a relationship but he does not really think so. He might say he likes you and actually he might like look but he isn't in a relationship with you. He probably isn't even dating you in his eyes. 6 months of this?

One email in two months?

Sorry you have to move on. ️Hugs

Ps I just remember that I dated a guy who was kind of like this. Well he contacted me daily but he was always extremely busy and never had time. I decided to stop and break up with him. He got rather nasty. I then found out (from others) he had a serious long term girlfriend the whole entire time he was supposedly dating me. I wonder if this actually has a gf and keeps you on a side. Regardless leave him now

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[avlady]

i can't believe you left this go on for 6 months without much communication, you deserve better way better

[brainhi]

Your gut is telling you this is not a good relationship... and we are validating you! Let go..
Actions mean more than words - I just said that in another post.

[hannabee]

Time to cut your losses. You deserve better, you really do!!! He sounds like he is playing you a bit, especially if he makes you feel crazy when you try and talk to him about it. IF you have been intimate with him, then it is a possibility that he is using you and maybe even dating other women or is married.
So sorry this happened to you. You are valuable and you need to find someone who will value you. Big hug.

[llleeelllaaannneee]

I'm no stranger to the non-relationship relationship. So sorry to say it sounds like you're in one. The non-relationship relationship is one where the other person is not as invested in it as I am, where they do whatever they want (show up, pay attention/notice me) as it suits them, where they take whatever I have to offer but get bent out of shape if I ask for or need anything and where they'll give just a little when it looks like I'm about to bail so they don't lose the attention/ego boost/sex whatever I provide.

I've learned sooo much from reading this blog "baggage reclaim". I'm gonna post a link to one of the many articles I like there. The author of this site has helped me immensely not just in understanding why my past romantic relationships didn't work out or felt so painful and confusing but to understand my role in them (why I do/did stuff) and boundaries. And, she's funny as heck to boot!

From the link about ambiguous relationships:

You invest a hell of a lot of energy analysing the crap out of the other person’s behavior.

You see at least two possible interpretations of something.

You’re unwilling to go out on a limb and do the right thing for yourself by asking what the score is and gaining clarification.

It’s on their terms; terms I might add that you’re unlikely to be in full agreement with.

You go along with things with a view to gaining a greater reward for your ‘compliance’.

You don’t say what you truly mean and try to buffer it out of fear of rejection or fear of letting go and then them spontaneously combusting into unambiguous with someone else.

One of both of you hint but think you’re being direct.

One or both of you claim that you’re upfront about what you want even though it was said once ages ago or actions directly contradict what was said.

One or both of you cannot be pinned down to an outcome and a decision.

Are You Open To Interpretation? Why Healthy Relationships & Happiness Have No Room For Ambiguity | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

[Bill3]

Please move on from this guy.

[tearsinabottle]

I am sorry to say it, but please forget this man. He is a jerk and a @ss. He tell you that YOU are crazy. YOU ARE NOT!

Abusers, by the way, loves to tell us we are crazy for even think something like that about him or he will tell us that we are totally wrong, or thinking wrong or feeling wrong. Its how they play and get away with their unacceptable behavior.