[tufan]

I put my all into this marriage and I'm getting a crappy return on my investment of 10+ years. I've stayed faithful as he has went through this issue and that issue. I have not cheated on him, though I am not attracted to his obese body. I stay fit and thin, but he can't respect himself/his health nor me enough to reciprocate. I look around and see all of these women with fit, handsome men and then I look at mine. Don't worry, these are my private thoughts, I have never told him this. But, I think about this often. I see these women who have obviously given up on life with attractive men...my husband was attractive and fit when I married him too. Maybe I just don't deserve a man that cares about how he looks. Maybe it's because I really am ugly. I'm back in the dark place and I am sick of being the strong one that has to hold on and keep everything together. I'm sick of his lies that he's 'eating healthy foods' but he keeps stashes of wrapper cakes and cookie pies in his car and he picks up fast food on the ride home most days after work. How do I know? I can smell it on him and of course the wrappers. Why do I even want a man that has his **** together? I clearly don't deserve it. Maybe I am a wreck and so I attracted a wreck...but to my credit I have managed to keep my home, myself and my personal life on track though I've been through a lot of stuff, mostly courtesy of him. If I sound like a superficial B, then so be it. I'm sick of looking at a nasty lump that can't even 'do it' anymore per Dr.'s advice because he's so obese. I'm very healthy, but when I get down like this I often wish I could transfer my vitality to some poor cancer kid to give them and their family a second chance because my life is done. I'm now 35, and as a female, it's just about over. I'll never get another chance to find a good man if I ever get out of this mess I am in with this POC. Yeah, I'm pathetic. Hate me.

[hannabee]

You have been unhappy with your situation for over a year and more. I think you need to do something about it because some day you are going to look back and be pretty unhappy with the changes you didn't make. Maybe just take a small step and start with some professional help?? I wish you peace and a better life.

[divine1966]

I totally do not judge you. But I am almost 50 and life isn't over, why is it over at 35? Would you seek therapy for both of you or at least just you?

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[healingme4me]

Life definitely doesn't stop at 35. Why do you express that your husband hates you? I didn't see mention of his behavior that supports that belief. Have you both grown apart in interests and beliefs?

[Rose76]

Pick up a book on divorce for women that talks about the things that need to be considered, especially financial matters. Start reading and picturing what your life would be like, if you left this man. Maybe you'll decide you'ld be better off to start again on your own. Are you dependent on him financially?