[SocklessWonder]

**Apologies in advance for a long message, but this is my first real post about me and there's a lot going on**

I don't know what to do or where to go. I haven't been abused physically. My husband has been emotionally abusive toward me for several years, which I know is bad for me and the kids, but I keep hoping he'll get better.

It started slowly when we moved from another city (though possibly before) so I could attend a better state university...it's been nearly 10 years. His negative attitude had been slowly escalating from about a year after we arrived until about six years ago, when it started to get worse (I lost a job in the industry for which I studied and I became deeply depressed and possibly traumatized...it was sudden and without merit...and haven't had a 40-hour/wk job ever since).

In the last six years, he's become more and more verbally hostile toward me and the kids. It was mostly toward me and my older daughter (from a prev marriage) until the last year+. Then he started in on our youngest daughter, who is now a teenager. He teases her often, though she and I have both told him at different times that it hurts her emotionally. She's starting to pull away from him, but is sad because he wasn't always like this. She remembers going on nature walks with him until about three years ago.

I get berated for not having a "real" job--I'm a substitute teacher. He blames me or one of the girls for just about anything you can think of--up to and including losing HIS stuff, which he almost universally finds in his own stuff later. He tries to lay blame on me (or anyone else) for anything that goes wrong, including his own behavior (example: He can't stand the sounds of any of the rest of us having fun playing a game or watching a funny TV show or whatever, so he decides to go out to a bar, have a few beers, walk around for miles, and then call me wanting a ride back.)

He blames me for the financial situation we're in...we live paycheck to paycheck. I have had difficulty in finding a job that is more permanent. I think I'm afraid I'll be suckered into perceived stability in a job again and then get fired again, though I realize that's not a rational thought. I also don't think I can get a regular job after having been a part-time sub for three years and no long-term full time jobs for six years.
Instead, I have been focusing on my mental health (pdoc, therapy, & meds) and have realized that I cannot have a job I feel is bad for me emotionally and not in keeping with my Buddhist beliefs. He scoffs at my beliefs and says they don't pay the bills and tells me I should just get any job--even one that keeps me under terrible stress, such as bill collections at a call center.

I have told him that money isn't everything and having more of it won't make him feel any better--that he has mental health issues, too. He belligerently disagrees with my assessment, though he mentioned recently that he would like to be treated for anxiety (medication yes, therapy no). I believe there's something more than anxiety going on. He can be very nice and even caring, but then in the space of a few seconds after something goes wrong (in his mind...not necessarily an actual thing going wrong), he starts yelling and being abusive toward the rest of the family. Later, after we've all left the room and he's calmed down, he acts like nothing's happened and we should just carry on as before.

Also, I think he's taking money out of the bank and keeping it separately. I don't have the logon info for our bank account, though a paper statement comes in the mail, which is too late for my needs. When I go grocery shopping, I have to ask how much I can spend, because I don't know what bills he's paid or what gadget he's purchased (until it shows up in the mail). I have to tell him I need to get gas to figure out whether we can afford it. And he keeps buying vending machine items (I only know this from the paper statements) when we're supposedly too poor for me or one of the kids to buy necessities, such as new underwear. I feel financially trapped.

He's seen a couple of psychiatrists, but after a few months, he ends up stopping any medication on his own and doesn't go back. He says the pharmaceutical industry is a "scam" and the doctors are in league with them.
This notion has been increasing over the last few years.
He's become paranoid that everyone is out to get him...even me and the kids. He talks to himself, which started out as soft muttering under his breath and is now saying out loud that he "can't do this" and his "life sucks" and swears randomly--with no explanation. He hates his job, but doesn't seriously look for another job. He seems to be afraid of change.

I want to leave, but without a larger income--and summer is a non-working season for me--where would I go?

My parents are older and have multiple illnesses, not enough money to help out, and don't really have the room for us. I don't have any close friends nearby. What shelter would take an emotionally abused woman and her kids if she hasn't been a victim of physical abuse?

Where do financially poor victims of emotional and financial abuse go?

Thanks for reading this. It's a lot, I know.

[Bill3]

What shelter would take an emotionally abused woman and her kids if she hasn't been a victim of physical abuse?

I think it would be good to discuss the situation with someone at a shelter, get their suggestions, and see what their policies actually are.

[DesertPetrichor]

I'm sorry, I wish I knew how to help :c

Remember that verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse, no matter what anyone else will tell you.