[Oinkment]

Im an 18 year old guy and need some advice. I fell in love with a junior my senior year of High school. Things were going well. We had a fun relationship and this girl was very sweet. Then some innapropriat things were discussed between us over facebook and my mother logged in and found it. She made me break up with her because i was 18 and she was about to turn 17. She said I could go to prison for talking sexually to her. her mom said I could keep dating this girl as long as it didnt happen again. So i kept dating this girl. My parents said i couldnt talk to her. I continued to. then i get a call from her mom saying not to talk to her anymore. And that she would put a restraining order on me if she needed to. So i havnt talked to her in a month. But now im left confused and depressed. I dont hardly sleep anymore and dont talk to anyone any more. Can someone help?

[Bill3]

Is there someone you can talk to about the sleep and isolation? A therapist, counselor, doctor, clergy, teacher, trusted adult?

***

Maybe when she is an adult in a year or so you will have more freedom to speak with her.

You could spend the next year working on improving yourself, so as to be a better boyfriend and support for her if you get the opportunity (or, if not, for someone else). More maturity is in order: avoiding inappropriate talk, being honest with your parents. What else might you want to work on?

[Ganganthefatman]

I'm really sorry about your situation.

My girlfriend is 15, and I am 18. I completely understand the nonsensical stigma the majority of people have on age gaps such as ours. I've even been called a pedo for being with her.

Do you still go to school with her? If so, I suggest you two just communicate there, and be mindful of the parents catching you if you decide to.

It's really sh-tty when two lovers in a situation such as yours can't enjoy each other because of the close minded opinions of others.

In the meantime, do you have anyone else you feel comfortable with enough to talk to? It sounds like you really need to reach out to someone.

Sorry. I know I didn't help.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

This seems rather harsh. It is in the nature of youth to be a little foolhardy from time to time, but you have to start somewhere. Is you mother open to you calling this a lesson learned and to allow you to carry on your relationship in more mature fashion?

On the legal side I don't know what the law is in your region but in the UK you would not be committing an offence: The age of consent in England and Wales is 16 regardless of sexual orientation or gender, as specified by the Sexual Offences Act 2003. However, if person A is over the age of 18 and is in a position of trust to person B who is under the age of 18, it is illegal for A to engage in sexual activity with B.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

This seems rather harsh. It is in the nature of youth to be a little foolhardy from time to time, but you have to start somewhere. Is you mother open to you calling this a lesson learned and to allow you to carry on your relationship in more mature fashion?

On the legal side I don't know what the law is in your region but in the UK you would not be committing an offence: The age of consent in England and Wales is 16 regardless of sexual orientation or gender, as specified by the Sexual Offences Act 2003. However, if person A is over the age of 18 and is in a position of trust to person B who is under the age of 18, it is illegal for A to engage in sexual activity with B.

Age of consent in us is between 16 to 18. It is 18 in the state OP lives. 17 is pretty close. I'd be more concerned about 18 year old with 15 year girlfriend. Ouch.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hi Oinkment. I agree with what the other posters have said. I want to address what your mother said to you about going to prison. I'm pretty sure that's not true.

I checked statutory rape laws for Tennessee online (and these would only apply if the two of you were having sex) and for Tenneessee, if one person is age 15-17 and the other is "4 to 5 years older" (the site said 4 to 5 years in one place and 5 years in another) then sex between them is a crime.

I don't think you did anything unlawful by having a sexual conversation with this girl. The laws are written in terms of "difference in age" for precisely this reason. People may have different opinions about what age gap is acceptable, but the law in your state seems to think that 16 year old and 18 year old is fine.

I think it is, too, but I suppose what really matters in this case is what the girl's parent(s) think. If they do not want her to date someone who is out of high school, period, then you are kind of out of luck.

I'm pretty sure that my parents would have been like this (that was a long time ago, but some attitudes haven't changed much in the US.) My mom was absolutely hysterical about the idea that I might have sex in high school, and she also believed that once guys were out of high school that they felt "entitled" to sex or would not date a girl unless she would have sex with them.

No matter how untrue these beliefs may be, you're living in the Bible Belt, and people can get pretty wound up thinking about sex. (I also live in the BB.)

I suppose you could try to negotiate something like agreeing to see the girl in only the presence of her mother, if you love her and really want to continue to see her. If her mother is talking restraining order, though, that might not work either.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It's just another way that being a teenager can be rough.