[troubledandinlove]

My fiancé is s walking miracle. He is kind, patient, warm hearted, with a boyish charm that makes me weak in the knees. But is family....I don't even understand how he became such an amazing person. Don't get me wrong, he has flaws as we all do, but he has many great qualities that were not passed down from his family.*

Background: His mom was a single nurse who worked nights. From what I gather, the kids raised them selves. He is one of 4 kids who all got into trouble growing up. Some how my fiancé and one of his sisters straightened out, the other two and their mom are still emotionally unstable, selfish, and manipulative.*

About a year and a half ago his mom insisted we come over for spring cleaning. Apparently this was common, all kids friends who spend significant time in the house were required to help clean or they were no longer welcome in the house. A month of so prior to spring cleaning my fiancé moved out of his mom's house and in with me but because we spend the 6 months prior to that splitting our time between his mom's house and my place, we agreed to clean anyways. Well the week before she wanted us over, I was let go from my job. It was a great paying job and the first time I had ever experienced anything like that so I was distraught. I didn't go anywhere or do anything for weeks. My fiance still went to help with spring cleaning on behalf of the both of us while I stayed home, not feeling emotionally stable enough to clean my own house let alone anyone else's. His mom was not understanding at all and she banned me from the house.*

Now I understand if childhood/teenage friends were messy and she requested this so she wasn't constantly cleaning up after a house full of teenage boys, especially when most weren't hers but I will soon be her son's wife. I pick up after myself, I rinsed my dishes, I spend 99% of my time in his room and she can't be compassionate that I was going through a hard time.

From this point forward any chance she got, she would terrorize my fiancé. For mothers day, he was going to bring her a card, but wait until the next day when he knew she would be home. Before he even got the chance, she sent him a nasty email saying he clearly doesn't care about her and chose me over her and some other nasty things I don't care to repeat. For her birthday he sent her flowers but signed the card "From one of your children". She has four kids, my fiancé, one living at home, and she talks to the other two on a daily basis. It was ovbvios which of her kids sent her the flowers, one of the siblings even reached out to my fiancé to mention how thoughtful it was considering her actions. She sent him a nasty email saying he didn't tell her happy birthday or get her anything and that she raised him to be a better man.*

During all of this my fiancé proposed. Naturally we schedule an engagement party and we invite his mom. We typed in her email wrong on the invite so she didn't get it immediately but his sister caw the error and it was corrected the next day. Between the time the invitation was sent and the correction, his mom told his sister "I don't actually want to go, I don't support that (b word...in reference to me), but I should have the option to go, I am his mother!". She got the option, she didn't show up so we assume it will be that way with the wedding as well.*

Family functions are awkward and cause my fiancé so much anxiety on top of the never ending stream of nasty emails that put him down.*

Now his brother has cut him out of his life. He asked my fiancé to hang out next weekend but it's our anniversary so he told him he couldn't. His brother said that my fiancé never makes time and that he won't make time for him anymore and to forget it. Mind you, his brother has tried a total of 5 times over the last year and a half to get together with him. Unfortunately 3 of which, my fiancé has had to turn down but when he does so, he offers to try for another time and his brother says to forget it. His brother is not sensitive to other people being busy or having plans because he hardly does so and can go places at a moments notice.*

So now my fiancé is on the outs with 2 family members who both will most likely not show up to our wedding (we are assuming his mom won't and his brother said he wont) which is causing my fiancé distress. Any wedding details involving family (invitations, pictures, wedding shower, mother/son dance, ect) cause him to be torn. He is as excited as I am about getting married but upset about the trauma his family has caused and that they can't be happy for him.*

Not only do I feel responsible (since without me his mom and is brother wouldn't be mad at him) but it makes me angry that his family could be so childish and so willing to just cut him off when it hurts him so much.*

I don't know how to console him and deal with my anger. I hate seeing him hurt but showing my anger won't help him. I don't know what to say to him or how to make myself feel better. Especially at the same time. *

Any advice?

[Ganganthefatman]

I think the first thing you should try to do is get yourself in a calmer state of mind. Different techniques work for different people. So, sorry, I can't really recommend anything deeper than that.

If you manage to soothe yourself, from the sound of it, I think all you can do is just show him how much he means to you. Try to reassure him that people that vile don't even deserve someone as humble as him. In the end, all you can really do is just be there for him in a positive manner.

Sorry. I know this didn't help at all. -_-

[troubledandinlove]

I have been doing the things you suggested, or at least trying to. You may not have solved my problem but taking the time to read my story and write those kind words is much appreciated. Thank you