[NellR.]

My boyfriend and I are late 40's attractive educated people I have a teenager son, he has a teenage son and teenage daughter. We started dating almost a year ago, we had known each other (not well) years ago but hadn't seen each other in a long time. we were instantly crazy about each other and got very close very fast. He told me I was AMAZING and perfect. I insisted that no one is perfect, least of all me. Then it was revealed that I hid something from him and lied about it (not an affair or anything like that, but a meeting with my ex to handle some unfinished business, jointly owned car plus cell phones on the same account) I knew my boyfriend would only worry unnecessarily and he had nothing to worry about. The meeting took very early on in our relationship and I never spoke to my ex after that, but by the time that my boyfriend found out, we were much further along, planning to spend our lives together and had picked out a ring. Well, he was devastated. And still is. He found out 6 months ago, he put our plans on hold and has been trying to "get past it" ever since. The past 6 months have been awful for me, tormenting myself over disappointing him and ruining the most precious thing either of us has ever known. Then recently I discovered that he lied to me about several things and when I confronted him he lied again but then he realized I had proof and only then did he admit it. His reaction: Sorry at first then when he realized how upset I was that he had punished me all these months for doing exactly what he did I told him I was struggling to forgive him so HE BROKE UP WITH ME. I feel like he just didn't want to face the music (although he didn't mind me facing the music for 6 long months) Then he told me "just so I know everything" several more things he kept from me, including having an affair during his marriage.
Is this some sort of personality type that does this? Who punishes someone to that degree when you yourself are guilty of the same thing and in your past have been guilty of way worse and forgiven? I am so confused. Also, what was the point in him telling me all that additional stuff AFTER breaking it off? So confused. I go from hurt to angry to down right mad, then back to hurt again. Answers PLEASE!

[NuevaFuerza]

I think people often project their own guilt they are afraid to confront themselves with on other people as a survival instinct. It's a cruel vicious cycle and I'm sorry you had to go through that. We all strive to keep the ones we love happy and when they do things like that it makes us feel like we were the ones who did something wrong, and that itself is wrong. Also I don't know if there is an actual term for the kind of person that would do those things, but I like to think we are all on a spectrum of all things and some of us have a little this or that. You are so right about nobody being perfect. I hope you recover quickly and find someone more forgiving and honest.

[divine1966]

We can't diagnose people over the Internet and why would we? It seems to be the latest trend. Women meet total jerks and want to know if that's mental illness that makes them to be jerks. Jerks are jerks.

First of all a man who is that upset over you meeting ex to discuss joined property or what not is an idiot. It doesn't even matter what nonsense he did after that. Him being that devastated over a simple business meeting is alarming right there.

Sorry you are hurting but you are better off. Heal and move on

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