[LonelyPony]

After trying to make it work for ages, my ex-fiance stopped seeing me a week ago. I was depressed and very insecure for the last 6 months of the relationship, but after the first couple of months he slowly became unsupportive, uncaring and emotionally abusive. He stopped spending time with me, ditched our plans for his friends, had no empathy, he stopped talking to me about anything and when I tried it turned into a big argument every time. If I brought up that I was unhappy with how he was treating me he screamed at me or blamed me for not being relaxed anymore. He said that me talking about this stuff was making him not want to spend time with me - I was a "chore to be around" and he said his friends were so much better because they didnt argue with him. Essentially blackmailing me saying "shut up and me treat me you like you're worth nothing or I won't want to see you at all". Since he said that he hasn't contacted me for a week (except called me the other day but then realised he still didnt know what he wanted!) but he still hasn't told me that it's over or said goodbye, just shouts "I dont know what I want". I'm moving for a new job this week and he was supposed to be coming with me but he's obviously not now. I haven't contacted him, he made it obvious how little he feels for me and that he doesn't want me.

I'm really struggling for a couple of reasons...

I'm finding it impossible to move on and have no motivation to do anything.. I'm just subconsiouly waiting around for him because he refused to say its over and just said he didnt know what he wants, even though it is obviously over. This is probably another way he's trying to keep me available and under his control but it's working! Argh.....

I want to be happy and find lots of friends and have fun in my new area I'm moving to, but I find it very hard to make friends. I can't keep friends when I do meet people, and always end up pestering them to spend time with me when they just don't seem to want to. I'm socially awkward, and what he said about me being a chore has really really struck that and made me sure it's true there's something wrong with me and noone will like me. I'm going to try and meet people but I'm so so scared I will mess up and will just be alone. I wish I could figure out what I do wrong socially and how to be liked. I'm very lonely and feel inadequate. I see people with groups of friends they can do things & days out with and that's all I really want.

[hannabee]

Okay girlfriend, you have to pull it together here! You deserve sooooooo much better, YOU REALLY DO! This man has no character! He will make a horrible husband and father. Let him go and get your revenge by living WELL! You are young and you have
sooooooo much time left ahead to find the right man for you. Big hug.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Sounds like he is rather controlling. That is not good. A fresh start elsewhere is an opportunity to begin again. Maybe you do feel a little shy, but it sounds to me like he is playing on this to make you feel insecure. No wonder making friends is worrying you if your fears are being played upon. If he cannot be supportive I am afraid a break might be for the best.

[divine1966]

Give your self time to grieve and move away. Leave this jerk behind

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[LonelyPony]

Thankyou. I know deep down he wasn't right for me but the rejection is hard, especially when I have nothing else anymore and he's made me feel like I'm so incapable.

[divine1966]

Give it time. It will get better

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