[Christina77]

Dear all,

Thank you in advance for taking the the time to read this.

I have noticed a pattern in the behavior of my boyfriend, which makes me very unconfortable and curious about his intentions.

We are together for 4 years, and I am definite that he loves me. However there is always a specific problem bringing a lot of tension among us. His women frinds, and let me explain.

He has the tendency to find women, much younger than him, usually very educated and very beautiful and to become very close to them, and eventually best friends. This pattern continues for the last years, each year a differenet woman.

It all starts with an interest of himself in their culture, that is different to the city he lives in Germany. The women have just relocated to his city, mostly by complete different cultures (Asia, Jordan, Israel, etc), mostly without any freinds in their new environment - all of them have relocated for work. He starts describing their discussions as fascinating. He starts giving them advises, spends every day with them, helping them out with everything they need, cooking for them at his house, drinking wine with them and gets more and more interested in this friendship. Where ever ghe goes, he brings the new girl.

Yes, he openly talks about me and how he is in love with me. And that is confusing me.

The pattern ususally depends on the girls' personality. One of them fell in love with him and was knocking on his door 4 in the morning with the excuse she forgot her keys. They were sleeping in the same bed and he was telling me that nothing happended. Usually they dont like me, and I dont like them even though I have tried to be polite and friendly. I admit that after a while the situation frustrates me.

Because of my work, now we are together via long distance. Of course there is a new girl again. A cute one I must admit, but still I am concerned again that she will be in love with him soon and I will not be there to recognize his intentions.

When we discussed about it, several times, I have explained how I feel and told him also that sometimes I feel jealous. He re assures me that he is not sexually interested, yet I dont believe that. He says that this is fis friend now and that I have to accept it. That I should not control him, because if I ask him "where did you go etc?" he will not tell me as he needs tyo feel independant and trusted.

This has been happening eve before me. While he was with his ex, he was doing the same and YES he has told me that he had sex with the girls- friends but the difference was that he was not in love with his ex. He doesnt like that he has done it and he says he will not do that with me.

The friendship goes beyond my borders (i.e. one sent him naked pictures to create videos as a surprise to her boyfriend, the other describes him how she has sex, the other is a dancer and he is more than happy to be in the first raw at her premiere when she dances completely naked, etc).

Please let me know of your thoughts, or any of similar experiences

Thank you again
Christina

[hvert]

I think that would be a deal breaker for me. It would be one thing if these were longstanding friendships, but forming new friendships with strippers and women who send him nudes is a bit much. Perhaps there is a cultural difference, but most girlfriends in the US would be angry with a boyfriend who did that stuff. I don't think you are abnormal for being upset that he is sleeping in the same bed as someone else especially when you know that he has cheated on other girlfriends in the past.

[Bill3]

I find it a little rich that he says you are "controlling" him because you don't want your boyfriend spending endless time consorting with multiple other women, including time naked in bed with them and, evidently, having sex with them. I would rather say that he is try to control you by insisting that you understand and accept what the vast majority of romantic partners, women or men, would not understand and would not accept.

What do you like about him?

[Artchic528]

The way I see it, he's taking advantage of your forgiving nature. You deserve a guy who is going to commit to the relationship, and not one who is constantly losing your trust through being in the company of other women.

This may be the exhaustion of my brain from not sleeping last night, so if I'm coming across as a little "out of it" or less than helpful, I apologize.

Anyways, when a guy has cheated in the past, there's a good change he might cheat again. Not saying that's the case here, just offering some statistics to be of some help. I would probably examine your relationship thoroughly and see if it's really worth the heartache and pain to be with this guy.

If it were me, I'd just move on. I know it's easier said than done, but you deserve a partner who is more invested in the relationship and who makes you feel loved. Not one who strings you along with empty promises and lies.

[divine1966]

You lost Me when you said he sleeps with them and says nothing happened. Really? Please.,....

The question isn't why he does this, but why are you allowing this.

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[~Christina]

Ick... just ick.. Dump him and find someone who respect YOU !

[healingme4me]

I'd be so done with him. He sounds like a real piece of work.