[miharucat]

Hi, I'm new here. I think I have depression, but I haven't really told anyone. My boyfriend is the closest connection I have, someone who I trust very much, someone who I always look to for help and advice. But I can't bring myself to admit to him all of my feelings in regards to feeling depressed. I don't even know if it would be a good thing for our relationship to tell him that. I feel like he's done so much for me that I don't want to further burden him with all my problems. He says he's willing to listen, but I don't know if just listening is helpful. I have given him hints before, like telling him that I feel sad all the time. I even once told him that I think I might have depression, but I have never revealed everything at once, because I'm not sure he would take it well. He is a person who loves life and doesn't let negativity drown him. I am the opposite. I feel like he will judge me and hate my attitude instead. But I need someone to talk to... I think it's important to be completely truthful and open in a relationship, but I'm hesitant to open myself completely. I want him to know my struggles, yet I don't want him to feel burdened. What should I do.

[divine1966]

That's a big question. I wonder if you are seeking help through other channels such as therapy? If a person is depressed but is taking care of it it shouldn't be a problem. I was with someone who never addressed the issue but instead dwell in constant misery and then self medicated. If you constantly feel sad and negative then I believe you need to see a professional to help you with this. As long as you are making an effort it shouldn't be a problem for him

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Have you been diagnosed by a medical doctor or mental health professional with depression?

It sounds like you have told your boyfriend that you think you may have depression.

If you get an official diagnosis of depression and/or anxiety, I would certainly tell him. And if you are feeling very sad and feel like you're not being yourself with him, I would tell him that you feel really sad and not like yourself.

Other people may give you different advice, but I have found that most people who haven't experienced depression don't understand when you try to explain to them how it feels inside your head and your emotions. If they are the type of person who wants to know what it feels like inside other people's heads (a minority of people in my experience) they may listen and then say "Oh wow, I don't know what that feels like.")

Lots of people will start trying to "fix" you or make suggestions to you to help you feel better. They may even be good suggestions, but depending on your frame of mind, you may or may not be able to use that advice.

I think you have to decide what level of detail is appropriate to disclose to other people (even your boyfriend.)

It's perfectly okay and good to tell your boyfriend what he can do to help you when you're feeling sad. He just may not be able to understand or use all the details about your feelings.

If you haven't been officially diagnosed with depression, I would encourage you first of all to see your primary care doctor and tell him/her about your emotions, mood, and physical symptoms. They will need to decide if they need to check you for anemia or thyroid disease or vitamin deficiencies or other medical conditions that can cause depression.

You mentioned your mom in another post, so I'm assuming that you are in high school or college and may need to tell your parent(s) first before you see a doctor. If that's not correct, sorry.

I hope that you'll let us know how things go with you. These forums are a good place to express your feelings and to get advice and support.

[healingme4me]

Sometimes in relationships, it's more than just stating the diagnosis. It's about expression of your relationship needs and how it affects you. For instance, I sometimes get anxiety attacks. I may need to sit down and have a glass of water.
I do have a depression diagnosis on top of anxiety. Being able to convey my triggers can be helpful. I might only need to have my hand held or just lay down for a bit or may need to get out of the house and distract my mind. Understanding your needs is important in letting your partner know about depression. Your therapist may have some individualized suggestions based upon personal knowledge.