Recently, I had a major breakthrough with my parents who I have mistrusted for the past seven years. It turns out that things were really not what I thought they were at all, with regard to one very key issue. As a kid, my parents both did seem to care about me and love me very much. In fact, they were extremely protective and concerned for my well being. They would do all sorts of things to suit my interests, including traveling and such. Yes, there were some moments and there was one time when I was very small that in response to something I did they said, "you need us, but we don't need you". They weren't really thinking of getting rid of me or anything, so I just kind of let it roll off.

Then, the major misunderstanding happened that really changed everything. When I was 15, me and some teenage friends of mine were engaged in some extremely inappropriate and disturbed jokes of a sexual nature were being discussed in front of far younger kids. I joined in with this, but quickly realized I did wrong and told my parents. Apparently, my mother thought that I was telling her because I thought it was funny and thought I did nothing wrong. She became extremely angry with me, telling me that I was a monster, a menace to society, and that she wouldn't try with me anymore. A poster that commemorated my birth with messages of hope was taken down as if to say that I was a bad person with no hope. They became irate and extremely scary that night. My Mom even told her not to refer to her as Mom. Yes, the next day they had gotten over it, but it completely ruined my image of them that they did this when I came to them for support. I was so traumatized that I essentially became a different person that was for all intents and purposes, rather messed up. I basically changed overnight as a result of this.

Now, it turns out that they had no idea I was coming to them for support. Last night, I was talking to them about it and when I explained I was coming to them for support my mother felt terrible about this incident. She was clearly seeming genuine. I cried, and she did too. We held hands and cried together thinking of this and she kept saying how terrible she felt that I came to her for support and she did this. She said that if she knew I felt bad and was looking for support that she would have handled it completely differently and been compassionate to me instead of angry. That night would have been different and my life would have been different. We both felt terrible about this.

Yes, there were some other things that happened, but now I don't feel that it was necessarily really an "abusive" place and with the new way of looking at this incident, I feel much better. I became extremely belligerent towards my family and rather "abusive" at times, sometimes extremely so. At times, I berated, badgered, insulted, put down, and shouted at my parents on a daily basis. Sometimes, they said things back like threatening to kick me out and such, but they never did. This was always in response to me verbally attacking them on a long term, severe basis. Other than that, there hasn't really been any "abuse" per say. They made some annoying comments about my being a bit overweight (about 25 pounds more than I should be) that upset me a lot, but they were probably just trying to look out for me considering that a lot of my family has died of heart attacks at age 30 or 40. There was the comment when I was a kid, but that was an isolated thing entirely. Before that night I came home from that party, I was actually pretty content with my family life overall.

[healingme4me]