Complimenting Women?

I know I need the practice and all that. But I feel so hopeless because I'm totally isolated, and have been for like a decade. The only people I ever talk to are my parents -- that's it. I have no friends. No acquaintances. I don't even know how to make friends. And it's so frustrating. I don't have confidence, self-esteem or even a sense of humor. When I'm around people I just can't act "normal," I'm too afraid and anxious. People sense that and don't like it. But there's no way for me to be any other way.

So what were you like before that decade ago?

Not to cause embarrassment, but the word after loneliness in the post I was referring, is the slip of tongue in your thought process, that I'm referring to.
How we think, can hold us back in life.
Writing yourself out of the game, before the game has even begun, shows there's [lack of]confidence that seems unaddressed. Internal thinking is part of the equation.
You have repeated the same can't do, it can never happen for me saga, yet I'm guessing it's more than just social anxiety, it's view on society and that underlying hatred of women that's simmering. Yes, underlying hatred, because name calling, even if in our heads, is just that.
Rejection triggers, did she curl her nose? Was the place busy? Is this slight by her very real? Does this actually mean it could only be about you?

There is totally ways for you to learn to make friends, and interact. Don't say you can't - it's won't. You can, but it takes constant effort and not quitting. That's hard to do, but the more you keep at it the easier it gets to not give up.

Like eskie, I grew up in a small community. I did not fit in and did not feel like I had any real friends - ended up with 1 over the years. But I learned the art of polite chit-chat, and being friendly. In larger places people are sometimes taken aback by strangers being friendly in simple interactions. But it can be changed with persistance.

You aren't used to talking to anyone, well, as you go there and buy from her a lot... she was likely surprised that you actually said something because she recognizes you. If you keep saying hello and asking how her day is going, she'll adjust to it. Over time, she may even initiate the conversation. And I say this because I've done that - there was a regular bus driver in a large city I lived in... and when I get on the bus I always said good morning, and wished him a good day when I got off. At first, he didn't respond and didn't even acknowledge me. Eventually he started saying it back. Then he started smiling as soon as I got on the bus. And then he started beating me to it. And you know what? I was the only person he did that with at least on my stretch of the ride. But seeing his smile every day was worth it - because he didn't smile otherwise.

During university, I had to have a meal card and I didn't like most of the places to eat on campus. So, I frequently went to the same places and ordered the same thing. Keep in mind, my university had 50,000+ students and the student centre was always very busy. One day I went, ordered something different.... and after I'd paid, she looked at me and was like "did you order X?" I said yes... she had to call to the back to change Y to X - she'd punched in my normal order. And when I left? She'd given me the drink I normally ordered - iced tea with no ice, instead of what I had ordered that day. Apparently she remembered me, and I had no idea! I started conversations when I finally returned (boycotted it for like a month due to embarassment). But she noticed me, remembered me, and was super surprised when I changed the routine!

And now, in this town? It's a large town, but still "small town" in a lot of ways. There's a shop I pop into every few months to get some food. And the owner of the store remembers me, what I typically purchase, and various details about my life. Once her husband even gave me a lift home so that I didn't have to call a cab. Because I make the effort to chat with her.

They're small interactions, but they make life more pleasant. I did not have any intentions with any of those people on hanging out with them outside of where I know them... but they made my day happier, and I made theirs happier. I enjoy those interactions.

So don't give up on your 7-11 employee. Just try to change your expectations from "I want to hang out with this person" to "Maybe I can get her to smile" or "Maybe I can make her day a bit more pleasant".

You can't second guess how someone is going to react and if we thought too much we'd never say or do anything. If it feels appropriate tell her. How she reacts is down to her. I think most women love compliments whether from a handsome guy, an ugly guy or another woman. There isthis women in my local pound shop who has fabulous red hair which she obviously takes a lot of time in styling and she sometimes wears a flower in it and she looks great. She also looks like Kirsty mccoll ( you prob don't know her). So I told her (I don't think she knew who she was), so I said 'don't worry that's a complement'. Pause. 'Apart from her being dead' and we both laughed. Always leave people smiling if you can. If she thought 'creep' that's her problem. Life is too short to over analyse everything we say.

Haha. On rereading that maybe that DOES sound creepy, haha. Makes it sound like I've got her chopped up in the freezer. I haven't, honestly. She's in the cellar. Haha but then I have got a dark, gothic sense of humour. Tim Burton rules.
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LOL! I think if someone said that to me, I'd probably make a weird face and start laughing. Then again, I'd probably respond by making fun of my own pale skin.

I've always been shy; that's just the way I am. I've always been a pretty nice guy... But a little weird, I guess. When I was a little kid I had friends. Some of my best friends as a kid were girls. I guess I always had more in common with them since I was never very athletic.

But then middle school happened. My two "best friends" turned on me and started ignoring me and avoiding me, and everyone at school noticed how sensitive I was and how easily I reacted, so they started their bullying. I haven't been the same since... I wish I could go back to how I was as a kid. When I was "gullible" and "soft" but no one took advantage of that. Before I realized just how cruel humans could be. Before I lost trust in everyone.

Just be genuine with her. Give her a genuine smile and simply tell her you love her hair color. Start short and sweet and you will gain confidence. If she sticks her nose up at a genuine compliment you probably don't want her in a relationship anyway.

I had to give myself some time to think over what I wanted to say after reading through the thread.

OneInBillions, you've gotten some great advice in this thread. To answer your question about women receiving compliments. I think we all (men and women) enjoy hearing something nice about ourselves. For me though it can depend on the context. real life example - recently while I was walking through Wal-Mart a total stranger (male) walked up and asked if I knew how beautiful I was. Part of me was flattered, but a larger part of me wondered what he deal was. I'm not beautiful. No one beat me with an ugly stick, but I'm far from "beautiful." It ended up kind of creeping me out. I'll be honest, I kept my eye out for him the rest of the time I was in the store so I could avoid him. I also watched for him in the parking lot just to be safe.

That said, it is possible to learn to overcome shyness and social anxiety. Others have suggested therapy, which is a great idea. Something you can try doing is like when you talked to the clerk at 7-11. Practice small talk with people. You don't have to hold long, in-depth discussions, comment on the weather or the like.

Last, but not least, cut yourself some slack. You said that when you spoke to the clerk at 7-11 she gave you a weird look. Could it be you are interpreting neutral looks/comments negatively because that's what you expect to have happen? Could be the young lady was surprised that you spoke since you don't usually.

I was never good at this sort of thing either and I completely understand your challenge here.

But in my experience what I've learned is this. if you frequent a place, and there is a specific girl that sees you come in regularly that is a good thing, there is a kind of familiarity there and it's not as creepy to make a comment, say hi or anything to her. Don't overthink it. Like the other said though don't walk up to the counter and go "wow you're hot!" lmao. I know that's not what you meant, just making light of it using an extreme case but start by just saying "hows your day going today?" (using "today" showing that you took notice of her as someone that has been there frequently as you've stopped in). see where something simple like that goes. Break the ice and find out. Doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation..

I think that the way in which a compliment is given, makes a big difference in the way it is received.

If I worked in a 7-11 and a customer who I had seen before, came in and said that I looked pretty, I would say "thank you for the compliment."

If it is said in a light and pleasant way, it would not creep me out at all.

I am an outgoing person and I am friendly and complimentary a lot. Most people respond with a smile and a thank you.

If it is said nicely with a friendly smile I think it is appropriate. Just don't go overboard.

As a woman, I tend to get uncomfortable when anyone compliments me regardless of their, sex, appearance, or social status, though I do appreciate them.
I haven't quite worked out how I am to respond, as receiving compliments is a new phenomenon. Should I say "thank you" or would that be considered rude? Why would I anyway, I had nothing to do with it. Would it be impolite to point that out? Should I disagree or will it seem as though I'm fishing for more compliments? What will make the person stop staring quicker?
It's nothing to do with the flatter-er, so don't let your insecurities persuade you not to talk to the girl.
Women, and humans in general, love being told how wonderful they are. It isn't as though she'll scream "Bah! Get away you wretched thing! How dare you look upon my violet locks! Avert your eyes peasant-shoo! Shoo!"
That would be rude.

@MiddayNap: I think that saying "Thank you," to sincere compliments is perfectly appropriate and not rude at all.

Make a compliment on something other than her looks. It frighten's me when strangers say something to me about mine. I feel really uncomfortable and just want to hide.

Bring something up that you already have in common, like her workplace.

"Yep, I'm back for pizza again"
"You know me. I just can't stay away from this" (whatever that drink thing is you buy)
"Let me guess, you're at the beginning of your shift?"
On a sunny day "Shame you don't get to work by the window"
"I wonder how many of these in a year I've gotten, eh?"
"Can you recommend an __________"

There's a lot of things you can say to strike up a conversation. They need not draw attention to her appearance or make her uncomfortable. Remember too, she can't 'escape the situation' by walking away or withdrawing.

As others said the weird look may have just been you surprised her if normally you don't speak. I had a customer that came in almost everyday to get lottery. I'd greet him and thank him but he NEVER said a word. If I asked how he was he ignored it. About 9 months never a word from him except what tickets he was getting. Then one day he came in I greeted him and he smiled and said "How are you doing tonight?". I'm sure there was a momentary look of surprise(that could have been interpreted as weird) on my face because he'd never said boo to me in 9 months. He still comes in to get his lottery and now we chitchat all the time.

I have several customers that come in randomly even when they aren't getting anything. They just see my car and stop in to say hi and chat. It's actually pretty funny because I'm not really a social person. Just from grocery shopping I've had to leave my cart and retreat to my car because there were too many people. For some reason if I'm being paid to be polite and social then I can do it. I wish you the best of luck in trying to talk to her again.

Thank you very much for clarifying this for me.

No.

But "ugly" is subjective. It's also way harsh...I'll bet you're a harsher critic than others would be. Also, I think English majors are cool. I have a few friends who were English majors.

Only way a guy offends me is if he is boorish/lacks manners, is rude to me (name-calling and etc), or dismissive (if I'm out with a female friend and he totally ignores me to the point of backing me into a corner just to get to talk to my friend...it's happened many times). Also, I don't like stalking but I think that goes without saying. I personally always accept compliments. They're nice.

Yeah, I didn't think about this. I've had that happen many times, and it kind of irritates me. It's almost like a cat-call, but I think the guy is somehow trying to be more sincere. I feel like if you wanted to talk to a random girl at Wal-Mart, there are better ways to open the conversation.

That said, I still think complimenting someone when you're already in a transaction with them is not weird. When I was in retail I got it a lot for various reasons. It's kind of just par for the course, part of making conversation.