[Sesiley]

Is that real love?

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[Trippin2.0]

Depends on how you define "checking out"...


Being in love doesn't equal being blind.


Take for instance celebrity crushes... Happily married couples that have celeb crushes don't translate into a loveless marriage..

Each party understands its a superficial visual appreciation, the marriage is not in any danger.


In my book same rule applies for random people you may find appealing to the eye.


So if said partner admits to appreciating the beauty of another, that's one thing.


BUT, if this partner makes a big show and tell about checking out other people (like salivating and staring), compares their SO, and or deliberately makes them feel inferior, well that's crossing a definitive line (of respect firstly) and I would question the love factor too.


IME many folks with low self-esteem, jealousy and codependency issues find this to be detrimental to their relationship. Even perceived "checking out" is cause for contention in the relationship. But in this case that is to be discussed between the couple, what's acceptable and comfortable for each party and what isn't...

We all have to draw our own lines in the sand, some people's lines are just sadly motivated by less healthy factors. Although it must be nice if you find someone who willingly accepts even irrational lines.


Case in point, I used to have a friend who felt forced to wear sunglasses whenever out in public, even inside a mall, because his wife would throw a *****fit IN PUBLIC if she even smelled him looking at another woman.


Note i said "Used to have a friend"... Due to his wife's low self esteem and jealous rages a life long friendship ended because I'm unfortunately too female to be his friend.

[Sesiley]

Hey. Thank you so much. About time someone actually cared a pot about a post of mine. It means alot.

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[divine1966]

Do you care sharing some more what exactly you mean by checking out. Constantly staring at others while out with your partner is annoying. Or staring at specific body parts like always looking at random women butts lol is not ok in my books. It depends how much checking out how often and in what context?

I typically do not stare at random guys regardless if they are gorgeous or not and I don't check males out. I don't even if I am single and am not dating. I just don't. I am usually too preoccupied with whatever I am doing. It is not my style. But others do that.

So give us more details please?

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[Sesiley]

I don't check out guys at all. That's the crazy part....I have never caught him, but me and him were talking about it and I said I was wrong...bc I don't look..and he says it's okay to have eye candy. To me, it seems like that's not real love. Although he has showed me in other ways...

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[Sesiley]

It was wrong*

I use to cut myslef bc of of this...I have severe delusional jealousy.....I have schitzoaffective disorder....I hate the way I look. I want to be the most beautiful person he ever seen. I want to be the hottest..most beautiful around him...but how I feel about myself really destroys me

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[divine1966]

I am confused. Is he accusing you of looking at other men? Or you accusing him?

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[Sesiley]

Well there was a guy jogging. And he said there ya go there is some eye candy. And I told him that I think it's wrong to check others out. And he says otherwise

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[healingme4me]

I have a friend that we have shared Man Crush Monday's, the same celebrity. She has a very strong, satisfying marriage with four kids. I'd never doubt for a moment how much she loves her husband and the life that they've created.

[Sesiley]

Awe

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We have eyes. I'm not naive enough to think my husband and I have known each other 29 years and he's never noticed an attractive woman. As long as he's not ogling them, flirting with them, pursuing them, etc., I have no problem with that. I know I notice attractive men. We even joke about it playfully.

When your relationship is solid, respectful, loving, and trustful, a spouse noticing someone really shouldn't be an issue. Look, but don't touch, so to speak.

[Sesiley]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

We have eyes. I'm not naive enough to think my husband and I have known each other 29 years and he's never noticed an attractive woman. As long as he's not ogling them, flirting with them, pursuing them, etc., I have no problem with that. I know I notice attractive men. We even joke about it playfully.

When your relationship is solid, respectful, loving, and trustful, a spouse noticing someone really shouldn't be an issue. Look, but don't touch, so to speak.

Ohhhhh. Ok

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[Shadix]

It depends. I would say it's normal for your gaze to naturally gravitate towards an attractive person, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship. It would be unreasonable to expect someone to not be attracted to anyone else at all. However, when the person overtly displays interest in other people, that does come across as a bit obnoxious.

Personally, as a single male, it kind of annoys me when attractive guys who have attractive girlfriends are overtly checking out a girl I happen to be into. It just comes off as greedy. They have a girlfriend already, they should save the rest for single guys like me. I remember one time I was at this hangout lounge type place with some friends, including a female friend and her boyfriend. There was this girl working there that really caught my eye. My friend's boyfriend happened to know this girl. When he was talking to her, I noticed he was resting his hand on her hip. I don't know, it might have been innocent, but it just made my blood boil.