[Ava.]

I still am struggling to overcome the fallout of past abuse and it's impacting my ability to be intimate with my current boyfriend. I also really feel the need to be more open with him because our relationship is starting to get much more serious. He knows vaguely about it, but I don't want any secrets going forward.

My problem is that I've never talked about the sexually traumatic experiences to anyone before (not rape, but emotional abuse occuring in a consentual sexual situation). I feel like because we are sexually involved, that will make the conversation even more difficult. I'm afraid it will be awkward, embarrassing, or make him look at me differently. I'm also extremely worried that because it was technically consentual, he will just feel really uncomfortable talking about it and won't understand the damage it caused.

1. Any relateable experiences?
2. Any advice on how to proceed? (even if you can't relate, all opinions are welcome)
3. How vague (or open) should I be about details?

[Bill3]

What would you think of speaking with an experienced therapist about the abuse, and how to discuss the abuse with your boyfriend?

[Ava.]

I would be willing to do that I suppose, but I think it'd be really uncomfortable to speak to anyone at all about it offline where I can't be anonymous. I went to a therapist after leaving that relationship to deal with the long term emotional abuse, but I never spoke to her about anything that was sexual. I was too embarrassed and couldn't get the words out with someone across from me. I could try again once I'm back at uni, where they offer it for free. But it would be really difficult I think.

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[Bill3]

It definitely would be really difficult to discuss. But also very difficult to discuss with your boyfriend.

I think that if you find a T that you can trust and are comfortable with, you can benefit from the discussions that follow. They might not get as far and as fast as you want to get, but they can help you make progress.

[Ava.]

How would I find a T I actually trust that much? My last one was honestly great, but it was still unbelievably difficult...

[Bill3]

How did you find the last one?

[Ava.]

My university offers counseling services and they told me she specialized in domestic abuse. She was an intern though and no longer works there, so I'd need to get assigned a new one. I suppose it's my only option though. It's just... Nervewracking... Especially starting all over with a new T.

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[Bill3]

Yes, that will be hard. It is worth remembering, though, that you did get an excellent one from the counseling center already. That speaks well for their hiring practices; perhaps you can get another excellent one.

[Ava.]

Alright, I will certainly do that this fall then. You make a good point. Thank you.

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