[gudi2shoes]

Hi all,

I would really like to ask for your advise on a subject that is quite literally killing me (I am resisting with all my might the easy way out of a terrible situation).

I have been living with a passive-aggressive partner for 10 years, we have a son together who is 8. I realized a couple of years ago that I was living with someone who had a problem and after some research I pin-pointed the passive-aggressive behavior.

He has managed over this last decade to manipulate me, a once independent and strong-minded woman, into a co-dependent, wet tea cloth. He controls everything I do and everyone I see in such a way that no one from the outside can see anything wrong, to all he is a wonderful, sensitive musician.
He has gigs nearly every night and if I dare to say I'm going for a drink with a friend, he says things like "yeah go on, have fun while I'm at work" or "Are you going to leave our son with a babysitter while you go and get drunk" (I have a couple of drinks, I don't get drunk), so I never go out, anywhere!!! I have no interaction with other adults, I never have any fun at all!!

He makes me admit that if we're having problems in our relationship it's all my fault, I'm too controlling . The thing is I have to be controlling or else my son wouldn't eat properly, the house would be a huge mess and no bills would be paid. When my DS was 2 his dad sent him to daycare in a 12 months shirt that I had turned into a rag for cleaning, he found it in the dryer, I was mortified. He is totally unreliable!
He withholds hugs, kisses and sex, sulks, he never tells me I'm beautiful, ever!! He says I know I'm beautiful so he doesn't need to tell me in case I get a big head, this is very untrue, I have low self-esteem and although other people tell me I'm attractive, I feel terrible most of the time. I could go on but it's quite embarrassing for me to describe 'the love of my life' in this way.

When we first started dating, about 3 months in, we were at the gas station, he was filling up the car and I went into the store to buy some treats, as I was coming out I got knocked over by a car, it wasn't serious but I was out flat. Strangers ran over to me to help me out, he just stood there looking at me, not once did he offer any assistance, he just waited until these wonderful people I'd never met brushed me off and put me in his car. Later I asked why he didn't help and he said he didn't want to show any emotions that early on in a relationship I know, I know I should've run then, well hopped

Although I feel we are at a point of no-return in this joke of a relationship, I would like to ask you if you think it's possible for a passive-aggressive to see that he his behaving this way. I know I can't talk about it face to face with him as we will simply stop listening after the first 3 words come out of my mouth. I was thinking of sending him an email with a description. He is not stupid, I'm hoping he would have the intelligence to see the behavioral patterns, and if he does then what? He most likely won't change...any advise would be very much appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

[Trippin2.0]

All his words and actions are calculated, to get the desired reaction / result from you.


Example, "You're going out to have fun while I have to work..."


- Result: you stay at home where he prefers you to be.


All of it.


Its calculated and sometimes so subtle, you're not aware its even happening.


Emotional abuse is what it is.


I know it well.