[aliciazombie]

I really need advice on my situation right now. 3 months ago my ex of 5 years and I broke up. He has often broke up with me, but always comes back in the end. I am now in a new, healthy relationship but it's hard for me not to go back to my ex. I am very much in love with my ex; I adore him, he's funny, we have similar hobbies and the hobbies he has that are separate are ones I like (but just don't participate in). Even through the years, I have still had infatuation with him as well as attachment. We have major problems though. He is very insecure, specifically about boys, which leads to alot of conflict and frustration. This insecurity has led me to not always be 100% honest which has further increased insecurity and lack of trusting; it is just hard for me to openly talk with him without grudges being held or his feelings being hurt. He also criticizes me; mainly my hobbies, my past and lack of exercise. And the biggest problem of all is him breaking up with me when things get tough. He has told me he realizes he's treated me poorly and really wants to change. He has bought books and agrees to go to counseling. I am hesistant to take a chance and lose him again. My current boyfriend is great; he's sweet, respects me, is very understanding and i can talk to him about everything. We have almost all the same interests and beliefs. While he has great qualities he is also a procrastinator to the max, is a bit clingy and isn't very observant; these all rub me the wrong way, but I also have noticed my infatuation for him has plummeted. We have only dated for 2 months, so it seems strange for me to not feel infatuated. I'm not sure if it's because we moved very fast/ I'm still in love with my / I'm just not that into him. Any opinions and advice is welcomed. Should I give my ex a chance? Is my current partner the right choice? Thank you

[s4ndm4n2006]

I'll be quite honest. I think you should not go back to the ex but also I do not think you should stay with your current bf. I think quite honestly neither choice is a good one for you right now.

For the ex, you've laid out a few things that are common between you and some reasons for a relationship but many other reasons why you know it hasn't worked and if those thngs have not changed no, you should not go through it with him again, what afer I don't know how many times you have already tried.

With the current boyfriend, you have some good points to be with the person but the fact is the most important thing is not there. You are NOT in any way committed to him, he's a convenience boyfriend because you do not want to be alone. I don't say this lightly either I know it's not an easy thing to hear but the truth is, if EVER you say you are with anyone it should be with the exclusion of others (unless you choose an open relationship and from what I've heard I don't think that's the case) and with your considering your ex still, you haven't taken the new boyfriend with the exclusion of others. That is a MUST or you must let him go. It's not fair to him.

Take some time alone. BE your own person without the dependence on being in a relationship and find yourself. Trust me, it's something I recommend almost everyone do if they haven't already. I've done it, not by choice, but I have and found I've grown more during my singlehood than I ever have in any of the relatioships I've been in.

Hope this helps.

[aliciazombie]

Thank you for your response! I have definitely thought about not being with either. I know I'm not fully committed, but my current bf doesnt mind. He keeps telling me he wants to stay even while I'm going through this. He says that he can handle himself and that if it gets too bad he'll leave. I am certainly afraid of feeling lonely and my current boyfriend is someone I mostly enjoy being around.Should I ignore his request and leave anyway? It might be the only way to get over my ex?