[SB1970]

Hello all, I am new to this site, going to try to make my ramble as short as possible as it’s kind of a long story.
I’ve been working with this guy in my department for about 9-10 months now. We got along great from the start, with same sense of humor and interests, we can joke around but also be very serious and he seems to have made me the main focus. Our department is small, so everyone knows everyone well, even on all 3 shifts ( we work the same shift obviously)
This male coworker is younger, by 13 years but has no issue with the age difference. From the start he was pretty obvious about liking me, all of our coworkers seem to know it as well.We just *get* each other. But…..there are always different kind of likes, i’ts trying to figure out if it’s a romantic interest or not. Here’s our lowdown, so to speak.

We have great communication, that includes lots of eye contact that remains in focus during the whole conversation, as well as just gazing into each others eyes without a word as one of us will walk past the other one.

During the winter when our company was reducing hours, his would get cut and he had mentioned a few times that during our lunch break on his day off he might drive down with his dog so he could show everyone. This is when he had asked for my number so he would call ahead of time to let me know that he was on his way. ( he never ended up making that extra trip, nor has he called or texted me. I will however say that currently he doesn’t have a phone and was going to use a family members phone, so possibly that might be the reason he hasn’t contacted me that way)

He teases me on a daily basis, about everything under the sun pretty much…and he’s loud about it, making sure that everyone in the room knows that he’s teasing and talking to me. He also spends his breaks with me, often side by side,even if we are just reading our books. Any chance he gets to start up a conversation, he does so and often times it feels like it’s just the 2 of us in the room.
So for awhile he had been talking to me about my gym membership ( one I had been paying for monthly but not been going to the gym as I hate to alone) He too use to have a membership a couple years prior to the same gym. One day he was teasing me so badly about me not using the membership and that it was a waste of money that I should just cancel it ( he knew the reason I wasn’t going, as it’s the one thing I rather have someone with me, even if they are not talking much, just like the company) He wouldn’t let up on it, but he said that he understood, as he was the same exact way. This was Friday. Come Monday, we are all doing our stretches in the department before our workday and he comes in and says in front of everyone “Guess what I did this weekend?” Nobody had the correct guess of course. He looks at me and shows the card on his keychain and says ” I got that gym membership so now you will have someone to go with and we are going as soon as possible” …we indeed started that day after work. Fast forward to 2 months later. We made it a weekly plan of working out on Mondays and Wednesdays, today after we were done and walking to our cars he mentions how good he felt and that we should work out a little bit tomorrow after work as well. I also want to mention that while at the gym, there was this guy that had his eye on me, I mentioned this to my coworker while we were there and asked if we could pick machines that were away from this other guy. My coworker, I will call him Gemini teased me about it and of course when we were at work the next day, he couldn’t wait to tell everyone had I had a secret admire at the gym and teased me the hell about this other guy. I told Gemini that I wasn’t interested in this other guy, that he wasn’t my type. Gemini on another day came to me and asked me ” what if he asks you out?” I said I wasn’t interested in this other guy. Gemini wanted to know why. He wasn’t teasing me about it when he was asking all these questions, he seemed to really want to figure out and find out what my type was.

I will also mention that he has also made accounts to play the same online games as I do, after I was telling him about the ones that I play the most and I can’t help but feel like h’es trying to get a stronger connection. He has asked personal things as well, if I live alone or with family or……..trying to see if I am involved with anyone. I am seperated and have made this fact known to him, he understands the situation. He teases me everyday almost and one time while teasing had mentioned about going to the movies, but he said it in a way that was just teasing, maybe to avoid rejection I think.

I’m sorry for making this longer than I first intended to. I just wanted to put enough information into this so people could have information to base their opinion on.
This man has a ready smile every time he sees me, his face lights up and his eyes get big. People at work think we are going together, some even mentioned that they thought that we were a married couple because they said that is what we act like. We get along great, we *get* each other in a way that other people don’t and we are not trying to work at it, it just comes naturally and easily. He’s been trying to get us to go to the gym more often, trying to find ways to spend time other than during work hours.
He has mentioned that he hasn’t been in a relationship for about 8 years, the last one he had ended badly and I don’t mean normal kind of bad, but in court kind of bad. I know the situation and I understand it.
There had been times when it felt like he was going to ask me out but I could see the hesitation like he was afraid of rejection. I think he isn’t getting my hints that I like him. The first time we went to the gym he acted like a giddy school girl and the next day he was extra friendly and helpful. The next time we were at the gym, he had mentioned that his mom wanted to come with but had to cancel because something else came up. I said that would be fine, anytime she wanted to show up and join us.
One time I was having a horrible day and he asked if I wanted a hug, told me ” I give really good hugs”.
He’s kinda shy when it comes to romantic relationships and his comfort zone is knowing that we can hang out and be best friends. He gets loud in the room trying to get my attention when other guys that he thinks like me come to talk to me ( even if it’s just about work). He waits for me so we can walk to the time clock together and to our cars. He hides nothing.
I think he may not be too sure in the way that I like him and that is the reason he is holding back. He mentioned the other day that we are best friends, which is a good start.
I’m trying to figure out if he’s interested in more than friendship and am asking others what they might think, based on my long ramble of information.

Have a blessed day all

[~Christina]

It seems based on what you said he does really likes you, maybe he is gun shy and afraid you will say no.. Why don't you ask him out ?

It's not longer the stone age. Many women ask out guys now a days.

Good luck and Welcome to PC

[SB1970]

Thank you for the response, I guess a couple of things are holding back. I like this guy so much that part of me has fear of rejection but it's more than that really. I could handle him saying that he might not be interested more than I can not knowing, I don't want him to feel awkward about it if he doesn't feel the same way, So in a way, I am trying to spare him those feelings as well, if that makes sense. I think it's possible that I may have given him vibes that I didn't like him past friendship but that isn't so. I think I tried so hard to cover up my feelings for him that I may have appeared cold. I've noticed myself acting this way more lately in hopes that he can't see through me.
I've noticed over the last couple of days that he's become more protective or at least it appears this way. Our work runs 3 shifts. He and I always walk out together and while we're leaving another coworker whom I've known for 10 years now will joke around and say "bye honey or bye baby" just to upset the coworker I am walking out with. I've told him to not call me that anymore ( out of respect towards the guy that I am walking out with and also like). Today while we were leaving, I heard it again ...." Bye honey" I said " please don't call me that anymore" as me and my coworker were walking out. I think this has gotten under his skin because while we were walking way he turned around and said to me " That's 3 times now you said NO and asked him to stop, this is now making me feel a bit uncomfortable, one more time and I'm going to management" I thought this was a little over protective from someone that just claims to be just my friend. Curious how others might see this.....

Yes, I agree that the "I'm going to management" remark is a little unusual.

It's hard for me to get a read on this situation, even though you have done a good job of explaining it.

This is a weird question, but where/how does this guy live? On his own?

I think that you should think hard about what you would want if you did get closer to this guy. Would you want a boyfriend? A husband or partner?

I'm also curious about the relationship that ended in court.

I'm getting a Pandora's box sort of vibe from this situation, and I have no idea if it's warranted.

[crosstobear]

As a guy, here's my take on it.

He likes you, romantically even I'd say (based on what you are writing, but then again, this is just your side and interpretation of things we are reading). Learn more about him as the above user said. Everyone has baggage, however, and don't judge until you know the person.

He may be gun-shy because of two things. One, he has a bad history with relationships. So bad that he's been on his own for almost a decade. An ****-storm breakup like that also makes men extra cautious and vigilant. He's likely taking a long-term approach with you. The second thing is the age-old adage "don't **** where you eat". I mean, he's doing a bad job- he's kinda farting where he eats right now by making his teasing, walking together, eating together so obvious. It's so obvious other jealous dudes are harassing you guys about it.

But think of it. If that's happening now, when people know you are dating there's a real possibility of drama. And if you two break up, it may mean one of you leaving to another company. Think of all this, and try to take his perspective with this in mind.

If you two do decide to make something happen, stop with the reading together, eating together, walking together, etc. This isn't high school. You have office politics to worry about. And tell him to stop being such a doofus with the obvious, loud teasing. He's going to get both of you in trouble. When you two have cemented your relationship and no amount of drama will sabotage it or cost you your jobs, then come out. I personally don't always believe that dating coworkers is bad, but I believe its wrought with danger simply because the workplace is a dangerous place. So if you're going to do it, be mature and smart about it. And this guy doesn't seem to be doing either, by your post. Remember, there are backbiters, pot-stirrers, sociopaths, politicians, and snakes at every corner and a workplace dating relationship is a goldmine for saboteurs who have been patiently waiting.

[SB1970]

Our work place is very laid back and yes I have taken into account the good and bad of it. We work in a small place, there are a few couples that work there as well and I've ran it over in my head if we were to date and things didn't go so well. I am not the type to think with my heart or wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak. I do however strongly believe that if we were to go down that road and figured that we would be better as friends instead that we would be able to do that or at least be civil about it. I am older than he is and he's one of those types of people that is def a child at heart, you can tell. I've kept that into consideration as well.

As I was asked about earlier as far as the court incident, I don't want to air out his dirty laundry but I can say that I know the whole situation and I don't judge him about it. It was about an ex and her family that stalked and harrassed him and I know he was damaged by the whole situation so I can understand why he may be more leary now. He's told me as a friend that because of that whole incident that it's hard for him to trust.

I do know the policies at my job as far as dating, I've looked into a lot 'just incase' we come to that.

I am grateful to see others responding to my post. It always helps to see how others see the same situation and to get different points of views. Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond.

Wow, excellent advice! I'm putting you on my very short list of people to ask if I need advice on romance.

farting where he eats

Good one and so accurate.