[Hazeltweety]

Hello, I am new to this forum. I got divorced last year and started a new relationship with a man. At first, he was very overprotective that the things he did made me feel being controlled. He would check my phone, my emails, my social media, my messages, call logs, you name it. I told him that he didn't need to do that because I was not looking for anyone else. I would understand because when I was getting divorced, I had already met him a couple of months before my divorce. So when we got together, I guess he thought I was going to cheat on him. After being married for more than 15 years, I learned quite a few things since my ex was older than me by 7 years. I was very jealous, I would cling a lot to him and didn't want to be alone. I learned how to control my jealousy, not be clingy and give him space and most of all I learned how to be alone with my kids. So when I got together with my boyfriend, I was doing OK but he was doing the things I USED to do to my ex. It really bothered me and I would get frustrated and mad. He was always trying to make up with me and stuff. After a while of trying to explain to him that I was with him because I love him and I wanted to be with him. I also did tell him he had trust issues that he needed to work on. After a while, he stopped sending me sweet messages, no more phone calls, but we started arguing more. He still was showing too much jealousy. If we would be walking all of sudden I just hear him say "geeze you had to go there" I would be all lost asking what I did. Later to find out that he thought I was looking at guys, men...My problem was that I was so frustrated the way he was all over me wanting to know where I was all the time, who called me, what did we talk about, why were those guys liking my pics or statues that I would blow up and tell him to leave. It happened more than 5 times and he would not leave...until 3 weeks ago. We were literally at each others throat on a daily basis. He had already stopped going thru my phone log and messages. I guess I was very frustrated because he moved in about 5 months after my divorce. My kids love him very much and I do too. We love his company, we laugh so hard at the dumbest things, but lately we had lost that. I thought that would be the best thing to do and just go our separate ways. But I was thinking about what was exactly wrong with our relationship and it was the following: 1. Our tempers crash. 2. He had been married for over 20 years and his wife left him for someone else. 3. He had been married with someone else for less than 1 year I believe. 4. We have both been hurt in the past and that is where our trust issues come from. I literally got overwhelmed with all these feelings. When he got over checking my social media, I noticed he started holding on to his phone and not wanting for me to use it or see it. I started panicking and started with anxiety. Just the thought he might find or have found someone else was killing me. So i started doing to him what he was doing to me. I was checking his social media, messages, call logs and everything. Finally, my anxiety got the best of me and I started crying for days for no reason. On our last fight with was Aug 13, I told him to leave once again and he left. I have been a total wreck because I do miss him so much. He changed his passwords to email and social media. He tells me we are gonna work things out but I feel him distant like he doesn't want to really work things out. We have talked and we realized what we both did wrong. But now I feel that he is hiding something and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings if he tells me. I been honest with him, for him to tell me if he really doesn't want to work things out, for him to just let me know. I don't want to be hopeful. I miss him because he has never been afraid to hug me and kiss me and love me for who i am. I really want to work things out but I don't want to push him away more. I am in love with this man and I am so broken right now, my jealousy, my trust, my everything is broken into a million pieces. Everything that I had worked on in the past gone. I feel that I can't trust him and he gets upsets because he says I don't understand how much he loves me. I want him back but I just don't know how to win his love again.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry you are having a stressful time after a breakup. Those can be traumatic.

If you feel you need to expand your support system joining Psych Central is a good choice. It has helped me meet new people, get new ideas for coping, and become a better listener.

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[CrewCut]

Hazel,

I know you love the guy but that doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. Checking your phone, emails, etc is very controlling. I think you should move on and heal from this.