Single

sukothefox · 02:18 AM

Hello, everyone:
I am a 23 year old male who has been single for 3 entire years. At times it feels nice. The freedom of being single is superb. You can focus your mind to any project you want. You can achieve a lot more, since your attention is not divided between project and that special someone.
However, I recognize that intimacy is a quite important component. Not a necessary one, but still of enough import to warrant this post.
I consider myself to be socially awkward. Very awkward. I am an introvert as well. I am not fond of initiating conversations with others unless I have caffeine circulating through my blood vessels. As an example of my social awkwardness: One day one of my friends was going to leave the city where I live for good. He was seated at a teacher's side (we were at a classroom), and I said a few things to the teacher. Then I left, completely forgetting about my friend, without a care in the world. Later on I remembered, but with obvious regret. To add some context, I was diagnosed with ADD (I have stated this before), and that makes it difficult for me to maintain relationships of any kind. It's like I have tunnel vision: I focus too much on certain things, like books and learning in general.
I am a science buff as well (pick-up line: Care to increase my alpha hypophamine levels?). But even though there are other science buffs out there, I feel that I am interested in these topics in a more intense way. To me, that's not an issue. The issue is that I've never felt like I fit in. Never and nowhere. Some people say that I am too smart, and that not many people appreciate me wanting to have intellectual conversations. That's a respectable thing. No one judges them for that. But then why do I see other smart people being surrounded by potential partners, or already taken? It seems that my intellectualism isn't the only thing that causes me to be alone. It may be my ADHD as well. I forget things, like people's names, birthdays, and even saying hello or good bye to them. I genuinely want to do those things, but I just forget. I am on another planet, basically. At least when it comes to relationships with other people.
Add to all this that I often find myself laughing alone (I like to fantasize about different scenarios. For example, that I am an AI capable of emotion. The idea seems powerful to me, and that makes me laugh of excitement. I also laugh because of things other people say or do that I consider, to put it kindly, dumb). Another aspect of me that may be the cause of my loneliness is my bizarre and dark sense of humor (If Ken Ham gets airborne ebola, that means evolution got him before he got evolution. Dark, maybe offensive, but funny).
I am fine the way I am, though. I feel ok with myself. The only thing is that for me, the numbers may be against any chances of finding a mate. I know I seem smug. But I am not. I recognize that I am a broken, imperfect human being that has a difficult personality. I tend to share things too quickly as well, especially regarding my sexuality. This may be a turn off to some, but that doesn't always have to be the case.
But I admit it: It can get lonely. I've always been lonely. That has caused me to be more accepting of other people, and empathetic as well. But oftentimes, I feel overlooked. I feel like no matter what I have going on for me in life, I will always be alone and single. I know that I am engaging in a cognitive distortion called catastrophizing. But merely being rational about things does not help.

iwonderaboutstuff · Aug 25, 2015, 06:17 AM

Fine the way you are, yet consider yourself broken lol yep, I can appreciate humor too

If you know sharing certain things too soon is a turnoff, hold back a while longer.

If the people you're around don't appreciate intelligent conversation, then hang out with new people. Nothing bores me faster than people who sit around talking about other people or telling the same stories from years ago. Interests, philosophical ideas are far more stimulating. Clubs, meet-up are ways to connect with those who share your interests.

sukothefox · Aug 25, 2015, 10:07 AM

Well, wish me the best of luck. Because one needs luck in these matters.
And the thing is: Someone's turn-off can be someone else's turn-on. People are amusing.

crosstobear · Aug 25, 2015, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sukothefox

Hello, everyone:
I am a 23 year old male who has been single for 3 entire years. At times it feels nice. The freedom of being single is superb. You can focus your mind to any project you want. You can achieve a lot more, since your attention is not divided between project and that special someone.
However, I recognize that intimacy is a quite important component. Not a necessary one, but still of enough import to warrant this post.
I consider myself to be socially awkward. Very awkward. I am an introvert as well. I am not fond of initiating conversations with others unless I have caffeine circulating through my blood vessels. As an example of my social awkwardness: One day one of my friends was going to leave the city where I live for good. He was seated at a teacher's side (we were at a classroom), and I said a few things to the teacher. Then I left, completely forgetting about my friend, without a care in the world. Later on I remembered, but with obvious regret. To add some context, I was diagnosed with ADD (I have stated this before), and that makes it difficult for me to maintain relationships of any kind. It's like I have tunnel vision: I focus too much on certain things, like books and learning in general.
I am a science buff as well (pick-up line: Care to increase my alpha hypophamine levels?). But even though there are other science buffs out there, I feel that I am interested in these topics in a more intense way. To me, that's not an issue. The issue is that I've never felt like I fit in. Never and nowhere. Some people say that I am too smart, and that not many people appreciate me wanting to have intellectual conversations. That's a respectable thing. No one judges them for that. But then why do I see other smart people being surrounded by potential partners, or already taken? It seems that my intellectualism isn't the only thing that causes me to be alone. It may be my ADHD as well. I forget things, like people's names, birthdays, and even saying hello or good bye to them. I genuinely want to do those things, but I just forget. I am on another planet, basically. At least when it comes to relationships with other people.
Add to all this that I often find myself laughing alone (I like to fantasize about different scenarios. For example, that I am an AI capable of emotion. The idea seems powerful to me, and that makes me laugh of excitement. I also laugh because of things other people say or do that I consider, to put it kindly, dumb). Another aspect of me that may be the cause of my loneliness is my bizarre and dark sense of humor (If Ken Ham gets airborne ebola, that means evolution got him before he got evolution. Dark, maybe offensive, but funny).
I am fine the way I am, though. I feel ok with myself. The only thing is that for me, the numbers may be against any chances of finding a mate. I know I seem smug. But I am not. I recognize that I am a broken, imperfect human being that has a difficult personality. I tend to share things too quickly as well, especially regarding my sexuality. This may be a turn off to some, but that doesn't always have to be the case.
But I admit it: It can get lonely. I've always been lonely. That has caused me to be more accepting of other people, and empathetic as well. But oftentimes, I feel overlooked. I feel like no matter what I have going on for me in life, I will always be alone and single. I know that I am engaging in a cognitive distortion called catastrophizing. But merely being rational about things does not help.

3 years? That's it? I've been single almost a decade. It doesn't matter how smart or good looking you are. For instance, I knew a guy who always had a girl in his arms back in college. His body- he never took care of- and his face looked like that red-headed guy in that movie who was deformed and fell in love with a blind chick (anyone remember the name, let me know). He was by all intents and measures very ugly. Yet he was a social mastermind and very confident. He must've laid something like 50 chicks.

Practice social intelligence by reading books on it and trying in real life. It's hard and you'll be ridiculed, but the point is to keep trying. You're probably a late bloomer. Remember, every failed date is getting a step closer to a successful relationship. Think of it that way and continue trying. Do NOT succumb to the female notion that "it'll come when you're not looking for it" or "just go with the flow". Women are approached on a daily basis and don't have to do much to score a date. One of my friends was very average and kinda chubby, and she had 2-3 guys at any given time. As a male you have to keep trying and planning. Learn from each mistake and move forward. Never sit idle.

sukothefox · Aug 25, 2015, 03:51 PM

-Sigh- You made an incorrect assumption: That I am straight and cisgendered. I am pansexual and genderqueer.
Things are a little different when you are not cis.
However, I agree with the part regarding confidence. That matters regardless of who you are.