[live_freely318]

I tend to think I am in an emotionally abusive relationship...but then again I don't think I am. I don't know what to think or do. I look at the article on this site titled 21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship but only a few of the things on that list happen in my relationship.
Only 2 of the things on the list happen but then again things on the list happen and they're all warning signs. Sometimes he'll blame me for things and get really jealous but then again I messed up in the beginning of our relationship and lied about a lot of things concerning other guys, like ex's, so I can understand why he would still be upset about it but it has been a year and a half now. When he gets jealous I don't really thinks it is unreasonable, it more is like normal jealousyx2 if that makes sense.
I'm afraid of what would happen to him and what happen to me if we did split up and I don't want to be alone again. I've been alone for too long. Lately we have been disagreeing a lot and getting in fights and haven't talked much and I think we may split up soon but I'm afraid.
I have no idea what to do or think. I should also mention I am 16 and he will be 19 very soon but we met when I was 15 and he was 17 so we aren't anything weird. I just need help.

[Yoda]

I am not sure what normal jealousy means. Healthy relationships need trust and respect.

What are the two things on the list that are happening in this relationship?

[healingme4me]

To me, the age factor shifts whatever advice I'd give. Some parts can be a maturity factor over certain personality factors.

I'm not certain how, at your age, you could be 'alone for too long'?

I had a chat years ago when I was working with a woman that I had attended high school with. Each, as it turns out, craved what experience the other had in high school. I was the "coupled" one and her the free one who was able to foster her friendships and activities without the distraction of it all. Relationship that is.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by Yoda

I am not sure what normal jealousy means. Healthy relationships need trust and respect.

What are the two things on the list that are happening in this relationship?

He blames me for a lot of things, like him not being able to fully trust me yet because I lied. A lot of things happened because of my lying and he blames me. He also gets really jealous very easily. Sometimes I think it it just him being protective because I get hurt easily but other times I think that he needs to calm down and relax. I'm having memory problems at the moment so I can't think of a time he got really jealous.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

To me, the age factor shifts whatever advice I'd give. Some parts can be a maturity factor over certain personality factors.

I'm not certain how, at your age, you could be 'alone for too long'?

I had a chat years ago when I was working with a woman that I had attended high school with. Each, as it turns out, craved what experience the other had in high school. I was the "coupled" one and her the free one who was able to foster her friendships and activities without the distraction of it all. Relationship that is.

What I meant by being alone for too long is not having any friends since 3rd grade and not being able to talk to anyone. But him and I are a like in a lot of ways and I find it easy to talk to him, so I got attached really quickly.

[healingme4me]

Why no friends? Did your family move?

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Why no friends? Did your family move?

I've had social anxiety for a long time, so I got shy in a way and because of that my social skills got rusty so I have a hard time making friends without being awkward. I live in a small town and have known everyone here for a long time but it's still hard.

[healingme4me]

Wouldn't that have been your parents responsibility to ensure that you were making and keeping friends? What happened?

[healingme4me]

Back to this boyfriend of yours. How do you stay in contact, on a regular basis? Skype, text, phone?
What could you have possibly done to cause jealousy to be triggered? Does he know your exbfs and why would he even need to worry?

[divine1966]

If you are 16 I am not sure how you were alone for long? Since when? You've met him at 15.

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Forgive me but my response is about the age thing. If i read it right you are referring to previous relationships and experiences you had at 14. It strikes me that you are looking for an adult relationship and experiences.

By the way, you might want to check the laws where you are because there might be a legal issue with your relationship.

What does your family think about this relationship
Are your friends supportive
What kind of future do you imagine with him

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you are 16 I am not sure how you were alone for long? Since when? You've met him at 15.

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I explained this earlier. I haven't had friends since 3rd grade. I'm in 11th grade now. That's 8 years with no friends. I have been alone for a long time, having no one to talk to or do things with. I'd call that being alone.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by rcat

Forgive me but my response is about the age thing. If i read it right you are referring to previous relationships and experiences you had at 14. It strikes me that you are looking for an adult relationship and experiences.

By the way, you might want to check the laws where you are because there might be a legal issue with your relationship.

What does your family think about this relationship
Are your friends supportive
What kind of future do you imagine with him

I've done some stupid things in the past. Believe me. I went online looking for friends and it was mostly guys giving me attention but when I say past boyfriends I'm really only talking about 2 guys I knew before him. I told him I wasn't talking to these other guys anymore, not because he asked me to stop but because I wanted him to feel important. But in reality I hadn't and I slipped up and mentioned them and he knew I was lying then and he hasn't fully trusted me since.

I think the relationship can work but realize that first you need to grow,age , mature and not be so dependent on him.

You need to be your own person separate from him. You need to prove yourself to be trustful so he doesn't need to worry.

Most of all- do not let one man be your whole world. EVER. Not at any age. Not when you are single. Not when you are married. One person alone can not be your only source of support.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Back to this boyfriend of yours. How do you stay in contact, on a regular basis? Skype, text, phone?
What could you have possibly done to cause jealousy to be triggered? Does he know your exbfs and why would he even need to worry?

My parents thought I had friends but I didn't so it isn't their fault. I met this guy online (stupid, I know) but were a lot alike and like I said he helps me with a lot so I got attached. We text/talk daily. He doesn't personally know the guys from the past but what I did was told him that I wasn't talking to them anymore, not because he asked me to but because I wanted him to feel important, but in reality I didn't stop talking to anyone. I slipped up once and he knew then I had been lying and ever since then he hasn't fully trusted me. He gets jealous now because he doesn't want other guys to get my attention I guess, at least that's what I understand when we talk.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I think the relationship can work but realize that first you need to grow,age , mature and not be so dependent on him.

You need to be your own person separate from him. You need to prove yourself to be trustful so he doesn't need to worry.

Most of all- do not let one man be your whole world. EVER. Not at any age. Not when you are single. Not when you are married. One person alone can not be your only source of support.

I'm beginning to realize that more and more. I think this happened because I had been so used to being my own support system, that when I met someone else to help I just let them take over.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by live_freely318

My parents thought I had friends but I didn't so it isn't their fault. I met this guy online (stupid, I know) but were a lot alike and like I said he helps me with a lot so I got attached. We text/talk daily. He doesn't personally know the guys from the past but what I did was told him that I wasn't talking to them anymore, not because he asked me to but because I wanted him to feel important, but in reality I didn't stop talking to anyone. I slipped up once and he knew then I had been lying and ever since then he hasn't fully trusted me. He gets jealous now because he doesn't want other guys to get my attention I guess, at least that's what I understand when we talk.

Meeting people online isn't stupid. It's rather common. Be that as it may, it does have its own types of limitations. I'd been online for twenty years before I'd ever met someone from meeting online. The drawback was the distance, 2,000 mile difference, to be exact. Prior I'd conversed much like a pen pal with someone else, about the same distance away. Without the day to day contact, in person it's truly difficult to maintain something of such magnitude in a way that's sustainable and fulfilling. One can care for the individual on the other side of the screen/phone, yet, it's not the same as live and in the flesh.

How'd your parents not realize that you didn't have friends?

I just looked at your profile. Your sister and your dogs are a great source of support as well. I identify with your troubles as I have a son with asperger's. I have another one with bipolar. And both of them have anxiety.

Just try to do the best you can with socializing. I think you will feel a lot better. Maybe you and your sister can join a club or do some hobbies. How about a gym or exercise program? You can meet people there.

[divine1966]

I am sorry about your situation with not having friends. But I still think you are better off without a 19 year old man. Do you parents know about him? I agree about hobby groups and gym. You might also try to meet young ladies to be friends with rather than men. You are only 16

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[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I just looked at your profile. Your sister and your dogs are a great source of support as well. I identify with your troubles as I have a son with asperger's. I have another one with bipolar. And both of them have anxiety.

Just try to do the best you can with socializing. I think you will feel a lot better. Maybe you and your sister can join a club or do some hobbies. How about a gym or exercise program? You can meet people there.

I would love to meet new people. The only thing is that it's stressful for me, being I have social anxiety. I want to have friends really badly I just don't know how to do it.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Meeting people online isn't stupid. It's rather common. Be that as it may, it does have its own types of limitations. I'd been online for twenty years before I'd ever met someone from meeting online. The drawback was the distance, 2,000 mile difference, to be exact. Prior I'd conversed much like a pen pal with someone else, about the same distance away. Without the day to day contact, in person it's truly difficult to maintain something of such magnitude in a way that's sustainable and fulfilling. One can care for the individual on the other side of the screen/phone, yet, it's not the same as live and in the flesh.

How'd your parents not realize that you didn't have friends?

I don't really know honestly. I haven't really thought about it. I know plenty of people but I was never friends with anyone, like I didn't hang out with anyone or talk to anyone but maybe they thought I did.

[live_freely318]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sorry about your situation with not having friends. But I still think you are better off without a 19 year old man. Do you parents know about him? I agree about hobby groups and gym. You might also try to meet young ladies to be friends with rather than men. You are only 16

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My parents do know about him. I don't think I'm in a place to be able to let go of anyone I have in my life right now. No matter their age or gender, I personally can't let go right now. I am 16 but if you've been in any high school recently you would know I'm not half as bad as most girls my age who are all over any guy they meet. Yes he is going to be 19 but he's been my friend since he was 17 and I was 15. I'm not going to let go of him now just because he's turning 19. Like I said, he was 17 when we met, a senior in high school while I was a freshman. I care about the friendship and relationship we have, not the age difference. I would like to have more girl friends but I live in a tiny town and the girls that live here don't accept "weird" people into their cliques.

[divine1966]

Yes I've been to a high school and very recently. I teach high school. Sure there are girls who get themselves to bad situations but I still don't think you should be dating an adult. Especially the one who is emotionally abusing you

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[popuri88]

Are you really sure you like this guy or are you just attached to him because you fear being alone? Your red flag popped then stay away from him.

Really, you're 16. When I was your age I had the same issues (no friends, loneliness, severe social anxiety). I don't think you need that relationship and I see it as a bit inadequate. Stand your ground, you're young and high school won't last forever. Join activities that you may enjoy, try learning a craft, do anything but be emotionally dependent on this person.

I'm not sure if this is an abusive relationship or if your both immature and your boyfriend is insecure, but I see an enormous potential when an older guy behaves with so much insecurity towards a teen. He should know better and behave with maturity and patience if he wants to date a teenager. While the age gap/legal issues other people mention could be present in a healthy situation too and no one would question, in your case it's worrying as it represents power or dominance in the relationship.

The way i see it:

You are looking for acceptance and validation
You don't want to be alone
Trust is an issue
Emotional abuse (where there's smoke there's fire)
You are dependent upon him
You are young and relatively inexperienced in an adult relationship

Yes im very negative. But i was once 16 with no friends and would have gladly accepted some attention from a boy. And i would have clung to it. I did have a relationship and family of my own by 19 and it was vey abusive. When my daughter was your age she went through the same to. She was stuck in an emotionally abusive relationshipfor 8 years. What a waste. I don't want you to do the same. This is a topic very near to me.