[cloudsurfer]

I just got a call from an old friend. I mistakenly picked the call up ad couldnt avoid the conversation. This friend has a full life with a house, a band, a kid, and a strong sex life. More or less, he is man's man.

So whats the problem?

Me: Lets just be up front- I dont date, have close friends, or get out much at all after my descent into madness and addiction. The isolation that resulted from the poor choices and the mental illness have left me psychologically scared, neurotic and desperate. I have no fun anymore- that is the sad truth.

I simply will never get back to that place he is at. I hate to say it but I dont even want to talk to him because I have nothing to say. My life has been so difficult and sad. It wasnt always that way.

What do I do? Write him a letter wishing him the best? Will he understand? I hate that my life became such a mess!

[~Christina]

Im sory your struggling. No one really knows how there life is going to be. Are you in some kind of treatment for your current struggles? On medications? seeing a Therapist?

As for your " old friend" you don't need to explain yourself to him at all.

Please reach out for help , Life can and will get better with the right guidence and help

Welcome to PC

[cloudsurfer]

Thanks for the reply. I am in therapy and on medication. I dont know I am doing the best or what my best even is. I just hope that I get excited about something once again in my life. I am not expecting any miracles but I would like to see some enthusiasm for anything.

Thank you

In my experience an old friend getting in touch with me generally means one of two things: the need to gloat about something that just happened, or (and most often) the need to feel better because all isn't perfect.

[hvert]

Boy, if you can stand it, I would try to leave the door open. Who knows where you will both be in five years. Old friends who care enough to call are pretty special.

[cloudsurfer]

I agree that a phone call is a special thing. The problem is I am caught in some kind of loop were nothing happens- no excitement no joy no feelings. I know that sounds horrible but it is the truth. I am trying to change things but my life is so diminished.

I, honestly, am afraid to be exposed. I am really embarrassed by it all. Although, I have a mental illness there is always an element of volition in our choices and I made such poor choices. I do NOTHING interesting if I make it to the store that is huge.

I think of writing them a letter about my disability...IDK

I told myself will face this fear of others and not hide