[rukspc]

I've been seeing this guy for two months and we've fooled around, kissed but never ended up doing anything. He asked me the other night why I'm so conservative, in which I responded I wasn't at all. I'm actually pretty adventurous but won't do anything until I truly trust or feel a connection with that person. It's just that I'm not quite ready and don't want to get hurt. I want to do it but I want to wait a little bit, just a little bit longer. Am I being annoying or prudish by dragging this out?

I truly like him for his personality, sense of humor, confidence and kindness. Honestly I've only thought about jumping into bed with him maybe once or twice but clearly he's very ready.

[kelly8896]

Do you see a future with him? Making love with your partner could deepen the relationship. However, if you're not ready, he should respect that. If he doesn't respect you decision or gets upset, then he may not be the person you thought. I don't think you're being prudish. You'll know when you are ready.

Good luck!

[s4ndm4n2006]

I don't think this is a question to be based on "length of time" in every case. True in time, things should grow to a point where this becomes something you're ready for but I think it's more about where the relationship is, the trust, the level of commitment etc. With that in mind I'm not so sure anyone here can definitively answer this for you. When you are comfortable, IMO, you will be ready and you won't need to ask others about if it's right yet. But that's my opinion. I could be wrong.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm with the first responders...


There's no set timeline with these things for any of us. It differs from person to person as well as partner to partner. You'll be ready when you're ready. Anything before that usually ends badly.

[Rose76]

It's pretty common for a guy to be ready freddy. That's how nature designed males. It's on the woman to exercise the caution to not let things get hurtfully out of hand too soon. It's your perogative to be as reticent as you wish for as long as you like. At no point, do you owe him a roll in the hay. He's free to wait for greater closeness to develop, or to move on, if he doesn't have the patience. That would mean sex is more important to him than a relationship that is about more.

I think there is only one thing a woman does owe a guy, as far as your question goes. It's wrong to lead a guy on, if you know that you are not sexually attracted to him. That's not what you are doing. You're attracted enough that you can see the potential for you getting hurt. So protect yourself. That's your job. Often, young women get hurt because they thought they had a right to rely on the guy's promise not to hurt them. That's putting too much on the guy.

[rukspc]

My intuition was right all along. So I gave him a call last weekend and since then I haven't received a text or call. Needless to say, he's disappeared and I'll probably never hear from him again. Don't know what I did to make him run the other way but it sure doesn't feel so great when someone goes silent and the relationship never had a chance to flourish. Maybe he never wanted anything serious between us and only looking for one thing.

[healingme4me]

It's important to trust your instincts. As much as it's historically a catch 22 for women, there's a downside for men when they rush the gun. They don't know what they could be getting themselves involved in, themselves. A man that can exhibit self control, is less likely to be impulsive or turn out to experience relationships that can bite them in the rearend..

Sorry, things didn't turn out for you.

Well some women are ready earlier than others. It might be out of good self-esteem, it might be about bad self esteem (I'm not proud of myself but I tend to move into this early in a relationship).

It certainly is about what you are comfortable. It's all about when YOU want to advance the relationship to sexual and should NEVER be because you are feeling pressured into it.

Ask yourself if you want to do this and if so what is holding you back (ie. value systems like religion, etc). I think external value systems are sometime too restrictive but that is just my opinion. Your value system needs to be defined by YOU. And that should dictate your decision.

There is nothing wrong with waiting. That actually suggests to me you have some confidence.

But remember, this is about YOU. If you are uncomfortable then you know what the answer should be.

[ididwhat?]

I think you are wise to trust your instincts... this, coming from someone who didn't and thoroughly regrets it. If he truly likes you, he'll be back.
I know some men like to "get the ****ing out of the way right off the bat" (yes, that's a direct quote from a man I was with), and that's fine, can be fun, and all... but don't tell me you're looking for a relationship if you're just looking to get laid. I can respect that... wanting to get laid.
What the heck were we talking about, now..? Oh yeah...
I think you are very wise and show great respect for yourself... It's not prudish... he may find it annoying but your reply to his "why so conservative" question makes perfect sense to me—I don't delve too deeply sexually until I've established a certain trust with a man... Sex, unfortunately, is not something I can do w/o emotion attached to it...
Damn, am I having a hard time staying on topic, or what?
Anyway, trust yourself, you'll do just fine.

[LucyD]

I'm sorry he has disappeared. Sometimes guy disappear for all sorts of reasons. If he only wanted sex, too, that may be his reason. But it could be something else, too. I agree that you need to go at your own pace. I have rushed into things at times and the results were not good. So now I am a waiting person, too. I do think if he is a good guy for you he will wait with you.

[CosmicRose]

If he disappeared, then at least you know you did the right thing. Waiting to be intimate can really weed out the bad ones from the good ones.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Originally Posted by rukspc

He asked me the other night why I'm so conservative, in which I responded I wasn't at all.

Sounds like maybe all you actually said out loud to him was you weren't conservative at all? If that's the case, you told him right there you don't see eye to eye

[ChrizBolez]

I'm a guy and if he truly wants to invest himself and has good intentions with you he will wait as long as you need. For me, personally, when I'm really into someone it's usually the furthest thing from my mind. Not that I never think about it, but would I push it on someone I'm really interested in just to run the risk of making her think that's all I care about? No. Because I want more with that person than just sex. There's nothing wrong with taking your time. If he can't respect that then I guess you can see where his intension's with you really lie.