[Confundido]

I fell in love, at least I thought it was love, with my best friend. But, I always knew that though we were buddies but I wasn't his kind of girl. Though he was about to confess that he was falling for me (I could read his mind, so I knew what is coming and I diverted it) I never expressed my feelings and eventually we moved away. No hard feelings, just distance reduced our bonding.
I always missed him, tried to keep in touch with him. He was okay with me, while he was moving on with his new life (He went over to other place for college and I started working). Our interactions reduced and finally died out. I don't know how he had felt when I didn't allow him to express but knowing him so well, I knew I wasn't right girl for him. And so, I say I loved him as his happiness was more important than my own.
I secretly wished our paths crossed somewhere, we meet in some journey or may be come face to face when we went to our hometown but that never happened.

Then, I received his marriage invitation. I didn't attend because he personally didn't invite me and that hurt me. And the day he got married, it was like a switch was turned off and I suddenly stopped missing him. Thinking back today, I'm wondering why did it happen like this...

Any thoughts?

[divine1966]

You finally moved on. That's why you stopped missing him.

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[Confundido]

Yes. I wondered how just an event helped to move on which decade couldn't do.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

Seems to me a wedding invitation is a personal invitation. Aside from that... I'd guess you have specific ideas as to what marriage means (i.e. commitment) and realized even if your fantasy came true and you did run into him, it couldn't happen now.

[healingme4me]

Maybe it was the final piece of closure?

[Confundido]

Originally Posted by iwonderaboutstuff

Seems to me a wedding invitation is a personal invitation. Aside from that... I'd guess you have specific ideas as to what marriage means (i.e. commitment) and realized even if your fantasy came true and you did run into him, it couldn't happen now.

I got wedding invitation from his father not from him, so it isn't personal invitation.
I wanted him to be in my life as my best friend, never wanted relationship to be more than what it always had been. And that was reason I wasn't hurt ever by his behavior although I missed him, missed time we used to hang out during our college phase, missed how we could talk about anything and share anything with each others.
I had loved him but only as a friend. So, whatever I wanted can happen very well after his marriage too. It wouldn't be anything wrong except now I don't know who he is or he doesn't know who I'm. We both have changed a lot since college.

[Confundido]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Maybe it was the final piece of closure?

I wrote this question and tried to understand myself.
Actually, this isn't a closure. But, when he didn't personally invite me, it sunk to me that person I'm missing doesn't exist. He isn't the friend I missed.
And also, since somewhere I know he had felt something more for me, I guess he wouldn't want me to meet his wife either. May be unintentionally I would have hurt him by not letting him express himself.
All this is my speculation but that is life. We don't get closure always. Sometimes we just need to leave things where they are. Yes, I do wish that I get to know that he doesn't have any ill feelings for me. But, I wouldn't get to know it, so let them rest.

[divine1966]

Things change over time and we can't expect things always be the same. Some friendships last forever and some phase away over time. That's life. We accept change, adjust and move on. If a friendship still has meaning to you then go to the wedding and wish them happiness. He changed and you changed and life goes on

Ps Why would he have ill feelings for you? Unless you did something evil?

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[Confundido]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Things change over time and we can't expect things always be the same. Some friendships last forever and some phase away over time. That's life. We accept change, adjust and move on. If a friendship still has meaning to you then go to the wedding and wish them happiness. He changed and you changed and life goes on

Ps Why would he have ill feelings for you? Unless you did something evil?

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Thanks.
I wrote all this in past tense. He is now blessed with a son too. I called him on his birthday and left voicemail for him. He never called back.
I haven't done anything evil except not allowing him to express his feelings for me to cross friendship zone. At that time I increased the distance (increased not moved away) and later I was stationary but he kept moving away.

[divine1966]

How do you not allow anyone to express their feelings? If people want to, they do. They can write if they aren't giving opportunity to speak face to face

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[TishaBuv]

I think you flipped the switch off in your mind because you knew there was no possibility of a relationship with him and when he didn't invite you, you were hurt to feel that you felt more for him than he probably felt for you. His not returning your recent call means either he didn't hear your message, he does have angry feelings toward you, or he just thinks it's best not to encourage any 'friendship' with a woman he finds attractive.

I hope this helps.

[divine1966]

Since he is married and has a child he might want to avoid friendship with ladies especially if he knows you have/had feelings for him. You are better off looking for new single guys

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[Confundido]

Originally Posted by divine1966

How do you not allow anyone to express their feelings? If people want to, they do. They can write if they aren't giving opportunity to speak face to face

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When you are close, you can read minds. Gut feelings work well. That is how I know where things were going.

And you wouldn't want to lose a friend by asking for more. That is why he never expressed himself. And since, I wasn't his kind, he had moved on easily. At least I think so.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Confundido

When you are close, you can read minds. Gut feelings work well. That is how I know where things were going.


And you wouldn't want to lose a friend by asking for more. That is why he never expressed himself. And since, I wasn't his kind, he had moved on easily. At least I think so.

I hope you can move on while cherishing memory of him and his friendship.

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[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Confundido

I wanted him to be in my life as my best friend . . . .

I had loved him but only as a friend. So, whatever I wanted can happen very well after his marriage too. It wouldn't be anything wrong . . . .

When a young man gets married, he can no longer keep a young unmarried woman as his best friend. He has a new best friend. That would be his wife. That's who he shares his thoughts about everything and anything with. And they will have their ups and downs. When they have a tiff, as couples do, talking to one of his guy friends about it might be okay. Talking to you about it would not be. It's not appropriate for him to have a young, unmarried female as a close confidant. His wife wouldn't like it, and she'ld be right not to.

It doesn't sound like you really want an association with him that isn't the real close connection you once had. So maybe it's best for you to just let go and move on. That seems to be what he has done as well.

[eskielover]

Beware of gut feelings & mind reading & using it to block communication in relationships. It's much better to let things be expressed & learn to deal with reality of what IS actually said rather than dealing with assumptions.

Also if he really did have the feelings your gut was saying he had for you it's unlikely he would have moved away from you so easily.

Maybe he was feeling like you were wanting more than a friendship like you were thinking about him & was going to tell you that he didn't want to get involved as more than a friend since he was planning on going away to college.

Being married & having a child it would have been inappropriate for him to return your call..can you imagine what his wife could think? This girl from out of his past that she didn't even know wanting to get in touch with her husband & be best friends with him on top of it. First thought on wife's part would usually be the assumption that she's going to try & break up the marriage. Obviously unless he wanted to cause problems in his marriage he used wisdom in not returning your call.

[divine1966]

I do believe in gut feelings and listening to them but I do not believe in mind reading. No one can read minds.

And trust us if a man has feelings for a woman he wouldn't pack and leave ( unless he is married and wants to avoid trouble), if that's where things were going that's where they would went. It is pointless to investigate why people did what they did because we might never know the answer. It is better to live in the present

I understand you want to be his friend but it doesn't seem possible at this point. Things changed and as sad it is sometimes we do have to adapt and adjust.

Have you considered female friends? Joining groups of women? I found some on meetup.

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[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Confundido

I wrote this question and tried to understand myself.
Actually, this isn't a closure. But, when he didn't personally invite me, it sunk to me that person I'm missing doesn't exist. He isn't the friend I missed.

Yes, I do wish that I get to know that he doesn't have any ill feelings for me. But, I wouldn't get to know it, so let them rest.

Even though it was his father sending the invite, the bride and groom do get a say in the invitation list. Since approved, doesn't it stand to reason there's no ill feelings?

[Confundido]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Even though it was his father sending the invite, the bride and groom do get a say in the invitation list. Since approved, doesn't it stand to reason there's no ill feelings?

No, it isn't. Guest list is made by family because marriages are family events for us. Cultural difference

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Confundido

No, it isn't. Guest list is made by family because marriages are family events for us. Cultural difference

My confusion. I do live in a rather culturally diverse area of the country. Yet, I'm unfamiliar with surprise guest lists?

[divine1966]

My daughter did tell me to invite whoever I want ( such as my friends for example who know my daughter from birth), but she wouldn't approve if I invited people she didn't want there for a reason. It's probably fair to assume that friend didn't object

I actually wonder did you go to the wedding and how it went?

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[Confundido]

Originally Posted by divine1966

My daughter did tell me to invite whoever I want ( such as my friends for example who know my daughter from birth), but she wouldn't approve if I invited people she didn't want there for a reason. It's probably fair to assume that friend didn't object

I actually wonder did you go to the wedding and how it went?

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I'm come from cultural background where weddings are family affair. Having said that we would invite all relatives including distant relatives, parents friends, colleagues, siblings friends, etc etc... many people whom bride and groom wouldn't even know. So, I think I posted this at wrong place for people to understand.
No, I didn't go to wedding. I haven't talked to this friend in ages and my interaction had been the message I sent him on his birthday but am in touch with his father who treats me like a daughter.

[divine1966]

It's nice you keep in touch with his dad. Nothing wrong with doing that. No this isn't wrong place. We are all from different cultural and ethnically backgrounds. No right or wrong. I don't believe your friend has ill feelings for you. He is just busy with his life. People often lose childhood friends over time. I doesn't mean he forgot you. Just that he moved on

I am glad you started to move on too. It will get easier with time

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[Confundido]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It's nice you keep in touch with his dad. Nothing wrong with doing that. No this isn't wrong place. We are all from different cultural and ethnically backgrounds. No right or wrong. I don't believe your friend has ill feelings for you. He is just busy with his life. People often lose childhood friends over time. I doesn't mean he forgot you. Just that he moved on

I am glad you started to move on too. It will get easier with time

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Yes, I do tell that to myself that it is only time and distance that reduced our friendship. But, then no communication makes one think of all bad things. And today is world of connectivity and we are aloof
I even tell his dad that he doesn't want to keep in touch, I can't do much to that