[maybejane]

I have an on-line friendship that lasted for over two years which I want to get rid off for good.....including emotionally. We met on an on-line support forum. That was the first forum I heavily belonged to so I didn't know the ins/outs. This friendship is emails only because that's what I want.

At first I thought we had a lot in common, but after a month or so, I found commonality less and less. Since I needed support because I was weaning off a psych med, I reluctantly remained friends with her and made the best of it. Some of it was ok, but mostly I felt I didn't want to hear details about her life. I put up with it.

After awhile, her emails started to grind on me. I got very annoyed because she pressured me to respond to her more, do Skype and give out even more personal information. I didn't feel comfortable with Skyping, especially visual. She even wanted to do phone calls, but I said no way.

She always wanted details of my day and I didn't feel comfortable with it at all. Plus it irked me. I'm very private and I told her so. I find her humour youth like for someone that is middle aged. She doesn't have the same interests as I do, but she claims we do which is distorted.

I would say that there was some manipulation on her part. Mostly I stayed in the friendship because I didn't want to hurt her because she is isolated. About over a year ago, I sent her an email saying that we had nothing in common and that I wanted to end emails. I felt bad sending such a frank email in how I felt because it hurt her (she always said to be honest) and told her we can email sporadically.

Well, I stopped responding to her emails for months, but she still sent me emails, but thankfully not so often. I rarely responded. I thought for sure she'd get the hint. Anyway, a couple of days ago she sent me an email and it bugged me. She said she thinks of me often and wants to know what I'm up to. I don't know why she doesn't get the hints and gives up. I would.

I'm no longer going to respond. I've wanted to end this friendship over a year and half or even longer.

Now, here's my question.

Last November I stopped emailing her because of altering my FB picture which she thought was funny. I didn't. I told her why on earth would she do that and that I didn't understand her humour. She told me to lighten up. I thought for sure she would stop emailing me now. This lasted for two months before she sent me another email which I ignored.

Anyway, this is what I want, but my brain still replays some of her annoying emails. Basically I replay stuff and that bothers me. Why is that? If I know I want to end relationship after careful consideration, why do I replay events? It doesn't make sense.

There's more to this story, but I don't want to write a book. If anyone has any insight, please share. Thanks.

[IrisBloom]

Does your email allow you to block specific senders? Or could you close that account and start a new one? You could just not open her emails.

[maybejane]

I suppose I could avoid reading her emails, but curiosity gets me even though I know I shouldn't bother opening the email.

I really regret continuing a friendship when I knew back then that we didn't have much in common and that she was starting to irk me. This has happened to me in the past.....staying in a relationship even though I know it's over. Rationally, it's really self-defeating.

What I would like to know is if it normal that I spend way too much time thinking of how/why she annoys me. Am I still emotionally attached even though she bugs me.

I have this problem of analyzing things to death and it only serves to destroy me. It's the looping repetitive thoughts and I do try to distract myself when that happens.

I can think of other times in my life when I was seeing a guy that I wasn't into and I ended the relationship. Then I would spend all this time analyzing why I did so. It's stupid that I do this because I already know why.

I do try to distract myself, but the repetitive thoughts come back.


To Moderators: Is there a way I can get email notification when I start a thread so I know I got a response? I don't see an option for that in the settings.

[IrisBloom]

I used to be the same way myself, but one day I decided to be more decisive. I figured I was only causing myself pain to analyze and hang on to a relationship which was not good for me or not wanted by me or the other person. Now I am able to walk away and not look back. It's probably not normal to keep thinking about it after you are done, but old habits are hard to break. Try to focus on something else.

Remember, your first priority is to take care of yourself, and if a relationship of any kind does not seem right, do what you have to do.

(I understand the curiosity thing...the first time you delete without reading is the hardest. )

[maybejane]

Thanks IrisBloom. I'll strive to break this old habit. Awareness of this negative habit does help because back then I tended to continue focusing on the repetitive analysis as if it was desperately needed.

I know I have done the right thing so there really isn't anymore analyzing to do. It is weird how some people don't get the hint to back away.

[maybejane]

An update. I have been ignoring her emails as much as possible since the last time I posted here. A couple of times I emailed back and said I was extremely busy and don't have time to respond.

She continues to email me every so many weeks and asking if I'm okay, that is she worried about me. Recently, she gives me a rundown of her latest crisis which I don't care to know whatsoever. She seems to have a crisis every few weeks. She is definitely a sympathy seeker. I'm not like that.

Why the hell does she continue to email me if I don't respond? I would stopped long ago.

I stupidly became Facebook friends when I first met her and now I don't post on Facebook because I feel as if she is monitoring me. I know it sounds paranoid, but this woman is isolated and thinks we are best friends.

[Bill3]

She will continue to monitor facebook until you unfriend her.

[popuri88]

I'm one to easily burn bridges, so I don't know if my opinion counts, but you should just block her everywhere since you can't just ignore her and wait for this 'friendship' to cool off. Lock your visible profiles if you wish, make it look like it isn't personal.

I feel like I've been two-faced in friendships before because I needed support or something. I was nice to them, but I didn't consider them to be close and neither wanted that closure while they seemed to consider me bffs.

[LadyShadow]

I had this happen to me before. I found the strength to block the "friend's" emails and I never added her on facebook but I would have found a way to block her there too.

Without sounding too insensitive, but I am gonna be straight up frank with you. YOU doing this to yourself. You are reading her emails and not blocking her to upset yourself and get yourself annoyed and there is no reason to do this anymore. Stand up to yourself and your curiosity.

[ChipperMonkey]

Block her on Facebook. Stop reading her emails. It's really the only way out.

[maybejane]

I must be doing what I do in all my other relationships. I try to figure out why someone acts in a bizarre way and then I super analyze it so that I get validation to my feelings. If I was emailing someone and they never responded, I would be done with that person and move on.

Another thing is that I don't know how screwed up she really is and she does have my address. I know that that was stupid to give it out, but at the time we were friends, we were supporting each other through withdrawal of an antidepressant and I wasn't thinking straight. When withdrawal was over, I realized we had nothing in common.

I'll never get that involved with someone on-line again. This is definitely a live and learn.

I'm not going to read her emails anymore. I'll just delete them. I think in a few months I'll unfriend her on Facebook.

[popuri88]

Yes, since she has your address maybe you shouldn't be that harsh. Who knows, she might send you a letter.

You could block her emails to avoid the curiosity of reading them. If I were you I'd be tempted to know what bullsh.it she's talking about before deleting, so blocking may be better. If she PMs you on facebook, just tell her you're busy or ignore. Chances are she'll get tired of you and the friendship is over.