I'm Not Enjoying Being a Godmother

I've recently become a god parent to a beautiful, sweet baby girl. However, i'm not enjoying this role. I was there when she was born; was so in love with her. Then, exhausted from five days of lack of sleep, I almost dropped her. Because of said lack of sleep, this led to a lack of coping skills, and led to an ingestion/Er visit/inpatient stay. We have all recovered since then, dad has actually dropped her, and really we are all being broken into this new baby life (first kid).

I'm generally great with kids, which is why I was asked to be the God parent. Unfortunately, i'm not enjoying it as much as I thought it was. I've come to help as much as I can. Cleaning up, or helping with her niece who she has visiting. Etc. But everything I do she seems to want done her way - to the point of undoing what i've done and leaving it dirty.

She doesn't actually say anything about it, so I don't guess she is that perturbed, but it does irk me greatly because when I try to help, she doesn't accept it. At this point, I don't know what to do. It feels inappropriate to sit and stare and watch her try to do it all and be so tired, etc. - but i'm not going to sit and just do things for her to undo them.

I get that its not my house or kid, etc. But I don't know why my presence is requested to just kind of ... stare. I feel like a bother or a waste. Any ideas?

I suppose one has to define what a role of a godparent is and what the parent expects. I grew up not even knowing my godparents. I knew them only as people who ocassionally sent a gift. I have no more expectation than that from the close friends I asked to be godparents to my own children. To me, a godparent is that person willing to take on the responsibility of raising ones children in the event of a fatal emergency. That's a pretty big deal.

I'm not sure, cultural differences I guess. I've just never heard of godparenting involving the level of responsibility you allude to. Sounds to me more like free daycare

We don't have godparents in my culture. I do know people who are god parents though and never heard of them cleaning or otherwise doing housework!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree with rcat, this sounds more like a "free childcare" situation than a godparent situation. I think it is awesome that you want to be an involved godparent, but it seems like it is taking a toll on your personal health.

Do you have an established schedule with the parents on when you will be over? Do you have an established role other than "do whatever they need me to whenever they need it?"

I would be very up front with them about how much time you can give them and when. Set up a schedule. And if you can, also talk about expectations re: your role. If she undoes everything you do anyway, maybe you shouldn't bother doing certain things.

I am a godmother myself and I love it. I adore children. But being a godmother should not take this much out of you. Godparents should not be sleep deprived and at their wits' end--that is the parents' job. :-)

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I agree. You're doing more than being a godparent! Sleepless nights are indeed for the parents. Are you up all night so that they can sleep? It sounds like you're being used as an unpaid nanny. I think it's time you moved back to your home.

Sounds like you're getting taken advantage of here. Like others said, God parents to me were just relatives that I would see in the holidays. Never did my parents request them to watch/take care of me. It sounds like you're tired and can use a break. Tell them to hire a babysitter.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

In the Catholic religion, a god-parent takes the role of the spiritual guidance and guardian if the natural parents die.

That is all.

They are asking too much of you.

Not the role or definition of a godparent I am used to. Just set your boundaries and don't go over.

EXACTLY

Spiritual guidance - that is what you during the baptismal servie are saying your vows to do.

What if you were to offer to take the child to church? That would be fitting in with your agreed responsibility while giving the mom the opportunity for a break they need? Just a thought.

I'm not sure the best way to approach the situation with the mom other than to be brutally honest about voicing your expectations. Of course, you can always say "No"

My godparents weren't changing my diapers. Neither were my kids' godparents. It's a spiritual role.

What everyone said.

This is really all.

I'm not catholic, but my parents asked friends to be my godparents. To be honest, even if they had died when I was a kid I doubt very much I'd be taken by one of my godparents. It's much more symbolic than anything, unless you're really close to them as a family member. And there's always so many family members around newborns, why are you even there?

Thanks for the replies; sorry I am taking so long to reply. I was a mixture of busy with the baby, work, and not sure how to respond. I didn't mean to imply that they are not good parents; as she grows I notice the bond my friend has with her grow stronger. Also, in the course of her one month, i've only been there for half of it, at separate times, so i'm not living with them. The complications occur when I am there. I will say, as the trip progressed it was almost as if all I needed to do was write this post because things almost instantly started getting better. She seems to get what kind of role I want (like the fun and crazy aunt), and I'm seeming to get what kind of parenting style she is going for. It also helps that she (the baby) is beginning to seem to know me now. Friend and I also were able to have some girl time away from the baby and it helped a lot because she seemed so much less stressed.


We did discuss my role (per T's suggestion) before she was born and this does involve post death plans and we mostly discussed my presence in her life filling in as a role of things she would want the baby to experience if she were to pass and remain living with her father. To an extent, I'm okay with being free daycare as I would like to be a lot closer to the baby than your (and my) godparents. I think, based on what you said, we should probably discuss in more detail, now that the baby is around, my role as a God parent. Thank you.

Well, I think i'm at fault for most of this. I want to clean to help her because she can't seem to help herself as much because the baby is very demanding. However, after reading this I was able to get in the "let it go" mentality and allow things to remain a mess; this did seem to motivate her to do a little house keeping.

Thank you. This last trip helped me to understand that a big part of why it was affecting me is because 1) I want to be close to the baby 2) I am a bit afraid to handle her, so while I do its makes me very anxious and 3) i'm not sure at all what her mother/my friend is thinking and I am doing a lot of "story telling" about what it is she wants.

No established schedule because I live a good distance away (six hours), but it was established that I would be there the beginning of this month for a while, and it happened that I ended up going up early because her labor was very hard and she was having a hard time coping. Maybe, from here on, we can do that...Stopping doing things that she tends to undo actually made me a lot less stressed. Thank you for that. I, too, eventually hope to love the role as you do.

The only time I was up so that they could sleep was the night I overdosed; otherwise we're all just kind of really up together because the father works in the evening and I sleep in the common area. Renting a hotel room for at least part of the trip seems to be help because it gives me time for myself as well. I will likely make this a new habit.

I really don't think so; I think its just a little confusion on how life flows when a baby arrives. I would like to see them more than just on holidays. But I agree that I do need a break, and I had to simply remind myself that I am not essentially responsible for meeting all of the baby or my friends needs. I think that my dependency on others happiness probably got overly in the way. Thanks for the reminder.

I think perhaps that they haven't asked too much of me, but how they need me maybe open to too much interpretation and I also think that its different in definition for all of us (me, mom, and dad) and that we're all feeling each out on that part.

Unfortunately, my friend was not blessed with such a supportive family and only one sibling was able to make it up for the birth. Since then, she's had to do it all on her own (the father went back to work after I got out of inpatient) and so, I understand that she is stressed and needs a break. As my best friend, I truly wish to be a help to her; its just a measure of finding balance between what my role is and self care.

As i've said, things are starting to improve as I read through you guys post and adjust accordingly (which she then seems to adjust a bit to too), so I really do appreciate the responses. I'm not sure when I will return though, because after this wild month, I think I do truly need to focus on some self care as going inpatient has jeopardized quite a few things in my own life. Still, it feels good to think that thing can get better for everyone.