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#1
Nov 10, 2015, 02:27 PM
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Ok.
So, I am 19 (almost 20) dating a 32 year old guy. I opened up to my parents about this and of course at first they were iffy. My dad talked to me yesterday about it and he said if I am 23 dating a 37 year old that is perfectly fine. Yes, you read that right... Makes no sense. He then goes on saying if I brought someone my own age up to 23 he would not let me date them because they are immature. I don't get it. It's giving me anxiety. We have been dating for a little over 2 months and I am getting mixed signals from my parents. My dad said it's fine that we hang out but I cannot date until im 22 (WTF, not going to listen to that, I need to break out of my anxiety/depression and I am an adult). To many mixed signals and it is stressing me out. |
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#2
Nov 10, 2015, 03:36 PM
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I'm a 32 year old guy as well and I'll be honest with you, I wouldn't even consider dating a girl under 25, definitely not a teenager. Usually when men that age go after a girl your age it's with the intent of exploitation. Exploiting your lack of experience in life and your trust. I'm not saying that is his intent, but I'm saying from my experience guys that go after much younger girls aren't exactly honest.
I can understand your parents concerns, probably because they look at it the same way I do, they think he's trying to take advantage of you. Now I'm not saying that is the case with this guy, he may be a great guy with nothing but the best intentions, but your parents apprehension is totally normal even if it doesn't make much sense to you. Has he done anything like bought you alcohol or drugs? Tried to drive a wedge between you and your parents? Does he speak down to you because of your age and act like he always has all of the answers? I only ask because these can be controlling behaviors, another thing older men who seek far younger women often display.
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This too shall pass. |
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#3
Nov 10, 2015, 04:15 PM
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My advice is to just try to look past all the words of your parents, and instead note their feelings. They are likely feeling concerned and protective towards you, out of love. Their words might not always make sense, because sometimes humans have a rough time communicating when strong emotions are involved. I think it is best to just take away from the situation that your parents are protective and loving, and try to take comfort in that.
I am a 27-year-old woman, and I can remember being 19. So much has changed when it comes to my perceptions since then, so many things learned, some of them the hard way. But I can also remember how it felt to be 19, and that feeling of needing to try, explore and learn everything for myself. It was a very normal feeling, yet also made it difficult to understand some of the advice and concern that I sometimes received from people older than myself (also totally normal). I think it's all just a normal part of life, albeit sometimes frustrating, confusing or difficult. Try to have patience and understanding for your parents, as they are likely struggling with trying to balance letting you bloom into an independent adult, while also desperately wanting to protect you from everything. |
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#4
Nov 10, 2015, 05:42 PM
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Quote:
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#5
Nov 10, 2015, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
__________________
This too shall pass. |
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#6
Nov 10, 2015, 06:50 PM
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In general I don't have an issue with age gaps in couples. I know several couples with large age gaps who are great together.
But one thing I wonder about--and maybe this is what your dad is getting at--is when members of a couple are at different life stages and therefore have different priorities, timelines, and attitudes about life. I am 33 and when I look back at my 19-year-old self I see a very different person. I would not feel comfortable seeing a 19-year-old right now. I don't think I would even want to date a 19-year-old version of my husband. I don't think we'd understand each other very well. Our lives would just be too different. Is that maybe why your dad said when you are 23 it would be okay? By that time you would have graduated, started a career, and be at the same life stage as a man in his 30s. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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#7
Nov 10, 2015, 10:18 PM
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I agree with the different stages in life bit.
A 32 year old has done a lot of living! You've only just started your life as an adult. Not all guys who date much younger women have issues, but I do wonder if he's immature? Most guys in their thirties have no interest in a teenager. |
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#8
Nov 11, 2015, 08:29 PM
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When I was 21 I dated someone twice my age and my family refused to speak to me during that time. I'm 28 now and when I look back on that, I realize what a bad idea it was. I was young and learning things and barely on my own. We had nothing in common. Things fizzled out pretty fast. I still date older men but not THAT much of a difference.
You're only 19. Trust me, there's a lot of fun and learning to be had still. I'll never forget an article I read years ago saying that we don't know what we really want in life until about age 27. Studies show that people are having kids and marrying later in life now too. Your parents seem concerned but cool enough about it. But trust me, you're young and have so much to experience still! Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia Seroquel 300mgs Trileptal 300mgs Buspar 45mgs Ativan 1mg PRN Vyvance 70mgs PRN |
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