[Hedgeleaf]

Be told my ex that I'm trying to forgive him. He asked what I want to forgive him for.

He says he never cheated but I'm not sure. He just broke my trust a lot by seeing his ex and going out with other girls as 'friends' or whatever

He says he's apologised a million times but feels like he's waiting for me to forgive him for something he hasn't done and not everything is his fault (that's what he says)

I'm trying to forgive him for how he made me feel but I'm wondering if all people deserve forgiveness?

Will he ever understand how i feel

Well we've got a couple of issues here. A general one about apologies and forgiveness. In my opinion an apology means nothing without acknowledgement. It's not so much about saying sorry for the facts as much as it is an acknowledgement that the sore party had a reason to feel the way that they did, that they weren't stupid for coming to their conclusion. An apology needs an acknowledgement that the sore party wasn't wrong. Forrgiveness is something different entirely. Forgiveness is about the release of feelings of resentment. I don't think however that forgiveness necessitates forgetting. In fact I think it quite healthy to forgive without forgetting.

Issue two, your relationship. I have a few questions. Does your husband take you out? What constitues going out with his female friends? Does doing so come at the cost of the two of you going out? And then the big one...Do the two of you ever socialize with these women together?

If his seeing other women as friends comes separately from you and you are unwelcome that is a big problem. Ask to be included or invite yourself along. You'll soon figure it out accordingly.

[failureatlife]

rcat, I posted in coping with emotions but your reply here about apologies and forgiveness are so comforting to me. I finally know I'm not totally alone in how I think and feel about this. The acknowledgement is what I need yet they refuse to allow me that. May I use your words to try once again to explain its importance to me? You have stated it just the way I wish I could. Thank you.

[LucyD]

I think a woman has natural intuition when there is something going on with a man seeing other woman. There are signs, too. When I was being cheated on he wasn't having sex with me as often any more and hardly at all. He drank and would give hints on how he was cheating, thinking I was too stupid to realize what he was doing. It's hard to forgive someone who doesn't even admit they made a mistake. I would not like my significant other seeing other women as friends even. That's just me.

[ChipperMonkey]

I'm confused. I'm going with "all the pronouns 'he' are referring to your ex" thing, so if I'm wrong, then this will be an inaccurate reply.

Uhm, if this guy is your ex, what does it matter if you forgive him? Move on and let go I say. Why do you need to forgive him? The guy is part of your past.

[Long-distancelost]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I think a woman has natural intuition when there is something going on with a man seeing other woman. There are signs, too. When I was being cheated on he wasn't having sex with me as often any more and hardly at all. He drank and would give hints on how he was cheating, thinking I was too stupid to realize what he was doing. It's hard to forgive someone who doesn't even admit they made a mistake. I would not like my significant other seeing other women as friends even. That's just me.

I agree with you on this one. Women do have a sixth sense about cheating. I wouldn't feel comfortable with another woman being around him. Like one guy told me "if a guy is looking for companionship in another woman he is interested in sex"

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Long-distancelost

I agree with you on this one. Women do have a sixth sense about cheating. I wouldn't feel comfortable with another woman being around him. Like one guy told me "if a guy is looking for companionship in another woman he is interested in sex"

Yeah, I think so, too. If he needs friends they should be men in my opinion. It hurt so bad when I was cheated on. I lived with him at the time and wow did I go through hell with that. I know what it feels like for sure and I'm sorry you have gone through this.

[Fuzzybear]