[crosstobear]

It seems out in the world that most people in fact don't communicate or view it as inappropriate. For instance, if there are problems in a friendship or relationship, people expect the other person to read their minds or know what is going on, and if they don't they assume the other person doesn't care. In my experience, most people actually don't work things out by talking nor do they want to hear the other side. Usually when someone has feelings about something, their decision is made. There is a gulf between individuals and most of these problems are misunderstandings, but it seems people rather stick to their guns and pride than talk things out. What's the point of communication? It seems this whole "talk things out", "express your issues" and "communicate with your partner" is nonsense peddled by the helping industry to line their pockets as therapists become the communication middlemen between problem-ridden couples.

Thoughts?

Well, this was certainly my view when I was younger but as I've aged and matured so has my ability to talk things out - at least those things that are important enough and with people I care enough about to do so. Sheesh it's still hard, but I'm less likely to avoid it when it need be done.

Now, how do I say this without putting people down - I can't. Cell phones and social media have destroyed our ability to talk to one another. It is easier to hide behind a veil of technology and say those things we find difficult to say in person. So much so that it has become habit forming. The result is that people no longer know how to talk and hold real conversations - especially those that risk us being thought ill of. We have lost those skills. Avoidance has become the game of the day. So too because of social media we have lost our abilities to resolve conflicts. It is easier just to drop someone entirely at a click instead of making an effort to work at finding common ground and making concessions. In short we surround ourselves with 'yes' people many of 'fluff' only and miss out on those who may truly enrich us.

[Boop123]

As a naturally honest, emotional and expressive person I don't think you can really blame therapists for promoting communication when problems remain unsolved and could easily be understood through sitting down and talking to whomever it is that needs to be aware of the situation. We communicate, all the time, in hundreds of different ways and talking is simply the most useful and most complex forms of communication we possess. Many people do talk about their feelings with one another but I suppose because this is generally done in private it seems less apparent somehow.

I think one of the main reasons people don't talk with one another about all their fears, anxieties, issues, etc. is the media's horrendous representations, where a character has shallow problems that can be fixed through the mere power of another persons love, time and attention. People expect that when they find the one it's as simple as hugging it out and things will be sunshine, rainbows and confetti. The truth is love CAN help you overcome your issues, problems, etc. but not by magically saving you. The right person makes you want to be brave enough to at least TRY and make things work, and talking about it is the responsibility of the person with the issue.

I'm kind of an optimist and I know what I want. From the gate, I want my partner to know that I'm honest and will do my best to communicate with them about anything that I feel requires attention. I think another aspect, one that is very important, that people miss is actually sitting down to go through what is necessary to make relationships work. It's easy to be like, "We are friends!" And not, "We're friends but let's talk about what it really means to us." The same goes for relationships.

So, no, communication is not the enemy or pointless. In fact, it's the exact opposite and the only reason people fail to do so is because school, bullies, and the media have constantly told us failure is not an option, and how we feel - if it isn't shallow enough to fix straight away or conform - is invalid. I once saw an amazing quote about love: 'We assume people love the same way we do, and when they don't we're afraid it's not there'. The things is a lot of people are afraid of judgement, and are expected to fit into nice little gendered packages, it's the lack of communication that screws us over. I'm all for sticking it to the media and mental illness telling me to invalidate my own feelings by talking it out - no matter how hard it is.

(Hah, I'd say sorry for rambling BUT)

[divine1966]

In my experience most people do communicate and find communication appropriate. Your post seems to be generalizing. Are you talking about specific people you know? Do you have examples of what is that that they do?

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[crosstobear]

Originally Posted by divine1966

In my experience most people do communicate and find communication appropriate. Your post seems to be generalizing. Are you talking about specific people you know? Do you have examples of what is that that they do?

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More so this generation...

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by crosstobear

More so this generation...

This is still very general. I don't know what generation you are referring to? Younger people? My daughter and two nephews as well as their friends and significant others are communicating, they are in
Theyir 20s. . Do you have specific examples of not communicating?

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