Friendship with someone who has borderline personality disorder

I could use some help. I'm currently friends with a co-worker who has borderline personality disorder. I know that people who are diagnosed with this often have difficult relationships with people in their lives and I don't blame her for that but I often feel like she is just throwing our friendship back in my face and it really hurts. I won't go into all the things that happened because that would take a really long time. To make a long story short, these things have been going on for over 3 years and it's taking a big toll on my own mental health ( I have depression, anxiety disorder,bipolar, and ADHD). I know that it's difficult for me as well and that my own issues don't help either, but I have been through DBT training and I have used the pros and cons skill to determine that maintaining a friendship with this person outside of work is negatively affecting me so I have decided to end our friendship. I don't have any plans to jeopardize my professional relationship with her and would like to still be cordial with her at work (we rarely have to see each other outside of work). I take no joy in what I'm about to do but I feel it's what best for me. I would like to have some feedback on what I'm going to say to her and tell me what you think. I know this might be hard for her to hear (or maybe not) but I want to say it with the least amount of hardship I can give her. It goes like this- "jane (not her real name), I take no joy in what I'm saying but would like to tell you that after weighing the pros and cons( she has taken DBT to) I have determined that our friendship is causing me more harm than good and other than something pertaining to work I would prefer it that you don't contact me any more. I feel that you have taken my friendship and threw back in my face. There was many times when your words and actions have given me a lot of hurt feelings. I want to maintain a professional work relationship and still be cordial with each other. If you have to talk to me about something pertaining to work that's fine but other than that I would prefer it that you not contact me again." and then leave. Maybe it sounds stupid but simply leaving is kind of ending it on my terms. ( If that makes any sense).I know that I wrote a lot but I would like some input. Thanks.

Well I'll be honest with you, if you say all that, you're probably going to really provoke her. It sounds more like you are taking a stand than just trying to protect yourself and her feelings at the same time. Not that I think there's anything wrong with that. But I think you might want to consider what you are really wanting out of the conversation. If you really do want to spare her as much as possible, all you need is

"I've realized I need space outside of work and need to ask you not to contact me outside of work anymore. I enjoy working with you but need that space."

Then if she seems even slightly receptive to the idea, follow up with

"Thanks for being respectful of my feelings, I really appreciate it."

First off, *hugs* for your hurt feelings. I know what you mean, friendships w/borderline folk can be very very taxing.

Please be prepared to hear anything -- and I mean ANYTHING! - out of your now-ex-friend. Steel yourself to be blamed in vivid terms. Because Borderlines typically have pretty nearly no boundaries, make sure your own are well fastened down and don't get into all the whys & wherefores, you'll be there a week if you do!

Good luck!
best to you, Chy, crossing fingers for you!

I agree with CopperStar...

Me too..............

I don't think you should say anything. In my experience, borderlines are very sensitive. I would just spend less time with her.