[deepable]

Hello I am a pretty old member and some of you might know me from the chat .. I talked about my problems before but now I am really feeling lost and don`t know what to do ....

so let me start with my current story ...

Chapter I

Last year I quit in my last year of college .. I had 1 more semester and I was gonna graduate .. but cause I hated it so much and was in a hurry to leave the country I just quit it ... ..so I did that and only one person knows I did quit it .. rest including my parents think I graduated it ..

Chapter II

So I quit it and left for another country where I lived for 7 months ... I tried to find work there , and I did but everything I found was really really low ... ( which is normal I guess for someone who has no education especially if you are new in that country ) so except one job which I really liked ( but they did not hire me because they had full staff .. they would only use me in days when someone would miss...) I quit the rest and after a while I came back home ..

Chapter III

so after coming back home I found some work freelancing from home .. I made some nice money and I registered for a new college something I really like ... but this college is really hard its based on a lot of math and I havent been doing any math excepting counting money .. last time I did serious math was 6 years ago ...
Also my collegues who are 4-5 years younger are so immature ..much more immature than when I was at that age ( or so I think ) ... I managed to get close to a few but its like constant drama .. people bad-mouthing other people and so on and so forth

also in my group there is a girl that I think I might like ... I am gelosu when she is talking to other people ... and I wonder what she is doing when I shes it noy in my field of view and that keeps me from working or focusing .. we texted a lot till yesterday ...she told me I am on top 3 on her trust list ..but when we are seeing each-other in person at school I feel like she is avoiding me ... I drove her a few times home and we talked about personal stuff and that felt great ...

Anyway the conclusion of this wall of text is that ... I feel like I dont have any purpose in life and I am trying so hard for nothing ...
I hate talking and socializing with people.. there is too much drama ... even with this girl I dont know what the f*** is going on in her mind and that upsets me more than it should ... I feel like the pressure is too ***** much ... wish I could just fade and everyone forgot I even existed ..

Help pls ... if something is unclear ... let me know and I can express it better !

[Skeezyks]

Hello deepable: It sounds to me like you're just kind-of adrift... not really sure what you want to do. And, for better or worse, you've managed to get along that way. I guess the only thing I can say is that somehow you need to figure out what you want to do & what you can do, given your skills & your personality. For example, you wrote that you hate talking & socializing. So any type of career goal you might pursue should perhaps not require allot of public contact. I, of course, don't know what it is you're studying now. But if it's something you like, & you can brush up on your math skills, mathematics may be a good field for you to be in. As far as the girl goes, this seems to be more of a distraction at this point, than anything. I'd suggest just trying not to dwell too much on her. Just take it easy & see where your relationship goes, if anywhere.

Basically it sounds to me as though you are struggling with some depression, along with a lack of any specific goals. So my thought would be that you might simply consider getting some counseling / therapy to help you sort out where you are at the present time & where you want to go in your life. This is something that is going to require you to spend some time figuring out, hopefully with the assistance of a professional who can guide you. The thing I would like to emphasize here is, there are no magic answers here. There's no magic wand. You just have to sit down, again hopefully with the aid of a professional counselor or therapist, & figure out where you want your life to go from here & how to get there. I wish you well...

[deepable]

Thank you ...
I feel like this thing with this girl its obsessing me too much ... the thing is .. she is pretty beautiful and funny and she gave me some attention .. and for me who feels really unloved came as a really big and important thing ...

The thing is I always asked myself " why not not me " ..so now when I got even a little bit of attention I make a huge deal out of it ....

I feel like this is how those thriller movies where killers kill women only starts ... haha jk

[Skeezyks]

Hi deepable... so... why not you? Yes, it is certainly possible you're obsessing over this girl. But, hey, that's understandable. And the fact you are aware you may be obsessing is a good sign. Just try to take it a step at a time & see where it goes... Who knows... it might just work out!

[Fuzzybear]

[deepable]

Things are so bad right now .. i told her last night that i liked her we were both a little drunk ... and i tried to kiss her but she said no and moved her head ( it wasnt a ' NO GO AWAY ' but more of a " ... no ... " ... and today she told me she aint remembering anything from last night .. but i think she is either really busy or avoiding my messages .. my school also sucks i dont think i can handle it

i dont know if its related to this girl but i felt sick today the whole day and its not from the alchool .. constant pressure in my chest and neck and cant focus on anything except her .. if this is love it sux .. help