[DawnCrimson]

Not sure if this is the right place for this thread. I have been aware that I have some attachment issues, and although never been in a romantic relationship yet in this life, I have developed infatuations for one person after another. Just now, I got completely hopeless about my most recent target. He was once my best friend, and was too nice to be true. Now I don't know whether he even wants to talk to me any more. I shamefully made the mistake of imagine how perfect we are together...But when I get insomnia, imagining him by my side make it much easier. I don't know how to live without the possibility the my feelings could be reciprocated. This limerence lasted for two years, and is the closest one to reality. I mean the other people I got infatuated about before did not even know me. It is hard to figure out which step was wrong.

Moreover I always dream of a co-dependent relationship, as I do not feel I can really make anyone including myself really happy. I don't know why I got this attachment issue. I grew up in a quiet nurturing environment. Not always happy of course, but no huge issues either. However, whenever there is a small difficulty, I eagerly seek affirmation and encouragement from others, instead of making effort myself. I always feel insecure as if I am scared of something. My mom was able to tend to my worries as long as I behave. Maybe I was protected too much? Now I get the illusion that I deserve care/love as long as I am behaving.

[curley]

Hi Dawn, Love should be unconditional, not only given if you behave. What does behave mean anyway? Does that mean you cleaned your room, did the dishes?
You really need to work on your self worth and realize you are worth being loved, loved by yourself first and others will love you too!

Are you in therapy?

If I've read this correctly I understand the friend you have an attachment for is aware of your feelings and uncomfortable by this. Perhaps some time away from him might be best. In fact, from what I have read about Limerence this is the most recommended therapy.

[DawnCrimson]

Originally Posted by rcat

Are you in therapy?

If I've read this correctly I understand the friend you have an attachment for is aware of your feelings and uncomfortable by this. Perhaps some time away from him might be best. In fact, from what I have read about Limerence this is the most recommended therapy.

I was seeing a therapist although I stopped three months ago, because somehow I thought I am well enough. Now I found how my happiness is based on unrealistic hopes...I said something awful to my friend and even used threats when he would not reciprocate. I know I cannot force it, but at that moment I was really desperate.
After calming down I am feeling very ashamed. I even feel guilty to contact my therapist, because I had been improving for the past year. I don't want her to be disappointed in me...

[ComfortablyNumb5]

The end of your post sounds like you have some self esteem problems. Just because you havn't had love yet doesn't mean you're unloveable. Does this friend know how you feel? If they don't feel the same then simply move on. Or are you becoming obsessed? It's healthy to day dream about others but if it's interrupting your daily routine then I'd say you should seek therapy.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[DawnCrimson]

My self worth is based on comparison with others. I eagerly seek recognition from parents, teachers, and now close friends.
I doubt whether someone would love me for who I am now...I sometimes feel I fake to be independent to blend in with my classmates, but deep inside I feel insecure. Independence could be nice at times, but most of the time I escape from it.