[AncientMelody]

I'll try to keep this as concise as I can so I can clarify my specific issues. I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe advice in how to proceed in therapy? Or maybe just understanding.

My relationship with my sister has been very enmeshed as long as I recall. Maybe my whole family but especially with her. We are adult children of an alcoholic father. A very functional alcoholic father: we never missed a meal, we had a comfortable middle class upbringing.

People often say siblings can be your best friend and your worst enemy. I feel that this has been very true of our relationship in particular since teenage years and beyond. I'll be happy to claim my fair share of fault in sibling squabbles...the fair share that the average sibling would dole out. On the other side... she has dealt with a lot of emotional instability. People she loves, well she will put them on a pedestal and rip them to the ground in an instant. And back. Most people who have been really close to her have experienced this in some degree. Most of all her husband and I.

I'm slowly realizing that as much as a role that my alcoholic father played in shaping the person I am......he played a lesser role than did my sister.(though I recognize the differing treatment he gave me, the calm one, and her the spirited one likely shaped the personality she showed ME)

So to get to the point: my big challenge. I never initially intended to go to therapy to discuss my family, sort out my relationship my sister. I went to see a psychiatrist to help with my acute anxiety. But we did that, the acute factors are under control and I'm pretty well and I've been doing therapy with my psychiatrist as well as meds.She, my husband, and I all know though that if my underlying self confidence and family of origins issues aren't evaluated then I'm at pretty high risk to unravel again when life stressors hit.

I finally have the TIME to talk to my psychiatrist about my history with my sister and hopefully resolve this dichotomy I've developed in my feelings towards her. Basically when we have negative interactions I always end up doubting my worth, thinking I'm such a lousy unloving person. Then I defend myself in a sense....I develop resentment towards my sister so I don't feel so bad about myself.

except she's been awesome lately. I've seen what I think are very mature steps forward for her. I hope/think she's changing. She's on medication which may be helping her. But I just don't know.

To make a long story short (so much for concise):
I feel disloyal to my sister when she has been so..well..stable to go dishing up her history to my psychiatrist

Yet, I also feel like I've waited so long to do so. I don't want to say I feel that I "deserve" or am "owed" the time and space to discuss both aspects of her, the wonderful AND the terrible. But some of that leftover resentment is in me. And I can't help but feel with all I've tried to do for her during her bad times, somehow to just say "oh she's been awesome now, we don't need to dredge up the other stuff" I will somehow feel cheated...

can anyone else relate?

[Teddy Bear]

At points in our lives our siblings can be our best friends then turn into our worst nightmares. They can go back and forth. If you're in a good period with your sister enjoy it.