[10yrsgone]

(Foreward: MI in the thread title refers to mental illness, not Michigan )

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I've been browsing these forums for advice on making more real-life friendships. As I've stated in a few threads, I've had varying symptoms for a while but have only made the decision recently to seek help. I want to attend a few support groups first and post on this forum for a little while before I make the next step.

That being said, I was planning to connect with some people my age at these support group meetings, but I have recently learned from another thread in this forum that this is a bad idea since it may lead to clingy/codependent/addictive behavior from the "friend".

Another poster in a thread I participated in suggested I try sites like Omegle which match interests and allow "strangers" to meet and talk. No offense intended toward the PC member who made the suggestion, but I also don't think this is the best idea. I've been on Omegle before and never really found any friendly connection with anyone...not to mention the amount of deviant stuff that happens on there all the time.

I've tried brainstorming a few ideas myself --- online "Meetup" clubs seem like a nice idea in theory but I've found many club members don't make much of an effort to "meet" or "welcome" one-another online before attending club meetings. That, and I'm not very trusting of total strangers. I already feel a bit awkward meeting close online friends in person, at least the few times I have. I can't imagine walking into a Meetup event knowing absolutely no one...plus the negative reviews on the website tell of more than a few scams and illegal activities, which is automatically a red flag.

Finally, I've tried dating websites, but not for the purposes of finding friends --- only for meeting dates. I tried one such site three times and went on a few dates with a girl that went surprisingly well. This was a few years ago and while I certainly won't be willing to go through the whole personality profile grind again, I wouldn't be opposed to trying another site out and seeing where it leads. At least on those websites you get a sense of who the person may be through conversation. But in another sense, you get into this vain, image-centric "job hunt" that sounds more complicated than it should be. And even so, you don't get the sense that the person you're talking to may be entirely on the level. You also can't be sure you're the only one this person is seeing.

I don't make friends at bars or walk up to random people and compliment them in stores unless a spontaneous conversation is somehow created. And like I wrote before, I've made too many online friends who live all around the country (and world) so not having them in person makes things somewhat tough.

Am I alone in thinking that meeting new people is much harder in your 20's? I don't work with too many people my age and I don't get out much with my current friends to make potentially new friends through hanging out with them. Combine this with the fact that I've long since graduated and it creates a tough atmosphere.

Is it because I'm too fearful of being hurt or walked all over? Too picky about finding the perfect friend or love interest? Too close-minded to seek out new avenues? Too introverted to strike up random conversations? It's a fact I don't trust many people on the surface. Only over time will I begin to warm up to them. That's what concerns me...am I just looking too far ahead, or am I justified in my concerns? No one wants to be hurt, but I seem to go out of the way of avoiding it.

(Thank you in advance to those who read this long post. I tend to think out loud while I write, but hopefully I made enough sense so some of my questions may eventually be answered. )

[FaithHopeLove]

I can really relate to this post. I'm in my mid 20s and don't have many friends nor get out much. I don't trust others. I have tried many websites as well and it never works out. Although, I don't have any advice for you, I can empathize. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a loner. I wish you luck

[Bill3]

What would you think of going to where people have interests like yours, and/or trying some new interests out? For example, volunteering at a place where there are other volunteers; trying out/starting again with a sport/craft/hobby and joining an appropriate club/team etc; getting involved in politics, helping out the campaign (national or state or local) of someone you support and believe in; joining a book club if there are people your age involved; getting active in a church/synagogue/mosque (e.g. "Theology on Tap" is aimed at young adult Catholics); taking a class.

[Bill3]

Single in the City ? 10 Ways to Meet New People | Maria Shriver

Dr. Jenn Berman

https://getthefriendsyouwant.com/meet-new-friends/

[ChipperMonkey]

Yes, you've learned what almost everyone learns once they get into their 20's. Its a LOT harder to make friends as an adult than as a kid or teenager or college student. I mean when you're younger, you make friends with someone because they sat next to you in class, lived across the street and were the same age as you, or were in the same major in college. Once you hit adulthood, life takes precidence. People get preoccupied with careers and paying bills and doing all of the responsible things that adulthood requires. No longer do potential friends come out of the woodwork. You have to make an effort.....but sadly, a lot of other people just don't want to make the effort, so its harder to find those who are willing to invest in friendships, even relationships.

And it doesn't really get any easier as you get older. I'm in my 30's now and I'm still frustrated with how hard it is to make friends. I joined a pen pal site which has made me a few good friends, but its very hit and miss. Most people fall by the wayside within a few months or less.