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#1
Dec 13, 2015, 08:04 AM
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What a long night, got a few hours sleep on the couch after locking up the house like Fort Knox. Its 7 am here in Pennsylvania and its still dark out. I will feel better when it gets light again.......I was thinking of Christmases of my childhood. My mother suffered a brain hemorrhage 3 months ago and had to move to a home for people with alzheimers and dementia. She had lived with me for a long time so I am grieving her every day. My father was an alcoholic, the kind that never had a job. She was his caretaker for as long as he lived, putting up with behavior that was violent, out of control and degrading.
My mother barely remembers me now so I often take pictures in of us for her and hang them on the wall. I recently found a picture of her and my father in front of our Christmas tree....I was only 11 when he died on our couch. The tree was propped against the wall in a white utility bucket and if memory serves me right we didn't get it till Christmas eve so it would be cheap. Her face is so sad in this one. Her Christmas time must have been horrible. we never had any money because dad didn't work and she had a few odd jobs cleaning for people but that money was for his beer. Thank God for the welfare system that raised my sister and I or we would have all starved. My father broke my mothers spirit. The same way that my husband has tried to break mine. I am now alone without a job, with my 16 year old son and my 10 year old daughter who has autism.......a stack of bills I have no money for and a big old house I can't afford anymore. Ahh... then there's Christmas....My car is acting funny now and my check engine light is on. Yet I feel a sense of relief to be free of all of the BS my husband put me through. I have some positive news....I have 3 classes left until I graduate in March with my BA in psychology. That has been a long 4 years and very hard earned. I wanted my children to be proud of me and to let them see that despite everything I had been through I have achieved my life dream of an education. I was injured in an accident 4 years ago that almost left me paralyzed, I could no longer do the physical work I had done all of my life so I knew I needed to something to be able to support my kids. I have a lot of physical challenges that I deal with everyday like constant pain in my neck and shoulders along with numbness and pain in my legs from herniated disc. I had a double fusion in my neck because it was broken. I will graduate just 3 months shy of my surgery anniversary. I am glad I didn't end up a mess on my couch filled with pain killers, I decided to fight back instead. I know that today we will clean up the house, play with my daughters 9 hamsters....and make tacos for dinner. We will go see my mom and then watch a Christmas movie together before bedtime. But come Monday I must look for work and pull our lives together. I guess I should be scared but I guess I am all out of fear at this point in time. I must find a local attorney who can help me file a low cost divorce. I don't want to have to get a restraining order on my husband but I will if we are harassed. I am hoping he just goes away without too much drama but he is a master of it. Well I must have needed to get this out of my system.....now to try and catch a few hours sleep until the kids wake up 
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 Anonymous37784, ChipperMonkey, DBTDiva, lizardlady
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#2
Dec 13, 2015, 09:04 AM
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You are strong and you will get through this. Congratulations for getting your degree. You are an inspiration for your children. I wish you a wonderful Christmas which is about so much more than things. Make memories.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
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#3
Dec 13, 2015, 09:37 AM
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You are a survivor!
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#4
Dec 13, 2015, 10:05 AM
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Congratulations, you're not only an inspiration to your kids, but for us as well.
Be sure that everything will get better and work out. Thanks for the inspirational words 
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#5
Dec 13, 2015, 08:03 PM
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Congrats and stay strong
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#6
Dec 13, 2015, 08:14 PM
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You are absolutely a survivor and soon to be a thriver. You are nearing the end of your degree, soon to be free of your husband - life will go on. Thank you for being an inspiration and I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas. xxx
__________________
I'm going to make the rest of my life, the best of my life. |
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