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  #1  
Old Dec 13, 2015, 02:24 AM
NewCommer NewCommer is offline
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Good evenning everyone, i just found this forum because i really feel like i need some kind of help. Before i start, please, once you read my issue, don't asume that i'm some kind of spoiled brat, i just feel REALLY lonely and i want to feel like there's some light ahead, so i'm asking you form my heart, please help me if you can.

To begin, i used to be a family kid: Hang out with familly and stuff, but since i started to grow up, my family have been disolving:
My twin brother rejects me almost always and only looks after me if he needs something.
My mother aso kinda rejects me, when i was a little kid, she showed all her love to me (hugged me, kissed, played) but since i started to become the man i am now (20 years) i look for her but i find nothing, like if she isn't there. I can comeback from somewhere and she woludn't notice, hell, she even won't hug his own son.
My father, well, he seemingly still loves me, we talk daily, but we don't live together, and we kinda fought before the day he left, so that still haunts me.
So... That's my familly now, i love them deeply and i'd wish we we're like a familly again, but it seems ot won't work.

Now, friends, why i feel like if i didn't have any?
During school semester, i get almost daily a message about "Hey buddy, do you understand this?", "Can you help me do that?", and tons of similar messages, but later after school's over, my messages come to zero and they rarely answer.

And to end this, i've never had a girlfriend before, i've looked, but she never appears.
I got some people that tell me i should look for friends with benefits (which i kinda dislike the idea). I respect them if they do that, and call me crazy, but i rather be deeply in love than have some empty sex or something (Some people say i'm KIND of atractive, i'm a semi bodybuilder), but still i can't find anyone who could love me for who i am: I've been rejected over and over again and it's kinda hurting me actually.

So, that's the long story short. I'm feeling empty, like if i didn't had any values. I struggle to love and be loved, but nothing seems to work out. Please people, gie me and advice, i've cried a lot for this and i'm seeking desperately for your help.
God bless you all.
Hugs from:
Anonymous37780, CaptainChaos79, SvanThor

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  #2  
Old Dec 13, 2015, 07:36 PM
Anonymous37780
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You became a man so your family is treating you as such. They detached themselves, removed the apron springs so you will go out and start a family all your own. Now you go and find someone. Let friends hitch you up with as many dates as possible. Go on all of them. Don't compare people, just go and enjoy the conversations, meeting them, liking them and the rest will take care of itself. Blessings.
Thanks for this!
NewCommer
  #3  
Old Dec 14, 2015, 12:30 AM
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green0cake green0cake is offline
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Let's talk about first your family:
twin brother - I think he is just pre-occupied with the things around him like schooling, etc. If you see that he is not busy, you can give him starbucks or something to start a conversation with him.

mother - she seems doesn't know that you still longing for her touch. Maybe she's not aware that a 20-year-old guy will still want a hug. Better start to hug her, appreciate her cooking, etc.

father - find some time to go to his place and talk for you to have peace. But my question is, why is your dad not living with you anymore? Do you think that affects the whole family?

Well, for short, INITIATE to do things. We are living in this fast paced world and sometimes those little things are neglected. They showed their love to you first before so I think it's time for you to show it first now. They might just need a little tap.

About your friends:
So what? With what I observed in your message, seems they just talk to you because they need something from you. I'm not saying all of them.

Talk to those whom you find closest to you. If they're distant, ask why then maybe you have attitudes they don't want, etc.

The right girl will come to you (and good you don't indulge yourself in finding friends with benefits). Just wait. You don't need to rush things. You're only 20.
Thanks for this!
Bill3, DBTDiva, NewCommer, Trippin2.0
  #4  
Old Dec 14, 2015, 04:48 PM
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CaptainChaos79 CaptainChaos79 is offline
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My advice would be deleted and I would likely be chastised for posting it publicly on this forum but feel free to send me a private message....
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Thanks for this!
NewCommer
  #5  
Old Dec 15, 2015, 05:34 PM
NewCommer NewCommer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by green0cake View Post
Let's talk about first your family:
twin brother - I think he is just pre-occupied with the things around him like schooling, etc. If you see that he is not busy, you can give him starbucks or something to start a conversation with him.

mother - she seems doesn't know that you still longing for her touch. Maybe she's not aware that a 20-year-old guy will still want a hug. Better start to hug her, appreciate her cooking, etc.

father - find some time to go to his place and talk for you to have peace. But my question is, why is your dad not living with you anymore? Do you think that affects the whole family?

Well, for short, INITIATE to do things. We are living in this fast paced world and sometimes those little things are neglected. They showed their love to you first before so I think it's time for you to show it first now. They might just need a little tap.

About your friends:
So what? With what I observed in your message, seems they just talk to you because they need something from you. I'm not saying all of them.

Talk to those whom you find closest to you. If they're distant, ask why then maybe you have attitudes they don't want, etc.

The right girl will come to you (and good you don't indulge yourself in finding friends with benefits). Just wait. You don't need to rush things. You're only 20.
Thanks for the reply. As much as i look for my brother, it seems he won't just accept me. Like if he didn't like me or something.
My dad isn't with us because we're studying in another city, so that's why

I love all of them, but i can't feel the connection like before.

And about the girl, well, i've always been rejected, even recently when i thought i finally found a right girl. Only the "lusted" ones are the ones attracted to me.
Can anyone see what am i doing wrong here?
  #6  
Old Dec 15, 2015, 05:43 PM
NewCommer NewCommer is offline
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Thanks Omega, i try not comparing. Even if i do. Why do i feel so empty even if it seems like if i had people around me?
I don't hate anyone, neither i think i ignore them. If you can see something i don't, please tell me.

Thank you all you good people.
  #7  
Old Dec 16, 2015, 10:38 PM
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green0cake green0cake is offline
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If you've given your best for you and your brother to be the same as before, then I tell you just leave everything up to him now. We don't know what's in his mind that this is happening to both of you. Just do your part as a brother to him.

Just show to your family members that you love them. Do not please them. Love them. Don't expect love in return. After all, they are your family and I believe your love for them is unconditional.
  #8  
Old Dec 17, 2015, 01:46 PM
specialneedsmom specialneedsmom is offline
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Its not unusual to be 20 years old and not have a girlfriend (or boyfriend).

Family relationships change when people get older.

Also, it sounds like people are just contacting you when they need something. That's no good. Stop being available for helping them so much. If they don't want to hang out just for the sake of friendship and being together, then they aren't real friends. It is better to be alone than be with people who are just using you for help. I have had to be alone with no social life, because I had to cut out people from my life. It was hard, but that's what I had to do. When people know you aren't afraid of being alone, that gives you more power with them.
  #9  
Old Dec 17, 2015, 01:57 PM
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continuosly blue continuosly blue is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainChaos79 View Post
My advice would be deleted and I would likely be chastised for posting it publicly on this forum but feel free to send me a private message....
Ditto !
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