Hi there.
I've been friends with this guy I met , we met 4 months ago. Since the time that I've met him I've had a lot going on in regards to my mental health along with the passing away of my mother. I recently discovered that he has a girlfriend which he has been with for 3 weeks now and he never told me. This hurts me a lot because I thought we were really going somewhere and he meant so much to me and was always there for me when I needed him to be as I was for him. I know that it's only been 4 months since I have met him but I think that I may be in love with him and I feel completely crazy for saying this as most would say it's too soon. It hurts to feel like I wasn't good enough for him, that he replaced me (I've been in the hospital for a long time due to mental illness so he may have gotten bored and wanted a new friend?) we were best friends and to see him be with someone else hurts more then anything. He said that he still wants to keep our friendship in good standing but ever since he got a girlfriend things just haven't been the same between us and I don't think they ever will be. I need advice on what I should do in this situation because I'm trying to better myself, trying to be a happier more positive person , trying to overcome my mental illness and sometimes I feel as if my illness is what came between us being together because he couldn't handle me and I didn't want to burden and inflict my illness onto him. I have severe depression and social anxiety but my doctors think that I may have bi polar disorder. Basically what I need here is opinions, should I stay friends with him, or should I not? I feel as if for the sake of my happiness ending the friendship is something I need to do but I also don't want it to seem like I'm jealous and I do not want to do something that I may regret in the future. Thanks.

[x123]

I've never been in a close friendship like that where I might fall in love, but I know how it feels when a valued friend loses interest in me after becoming infatuated with somebody.

I would simply pretend that you are busy with other things and drifting away from your friend (rather than the truth that you feel hurt by his attraction to somebody else). He hasn't done anything wrong - in fact it sounds like he cares about you as a friend. Otherwise, he would simply spend all his time with his girlfriend and never see you at all.

I can certainly understand why you don't want to spend time with him now, because it is a reminder of losing a close friendship. The love you feel for him is a different dimension where I have no experience. Hopefully my ramblings give you some help of some kind.

I've known this. Don't make the mistake of waiting on the sidelines.

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by TheDepressedArtist

Hi there.
Basically what I need here is opinions, should I stay friends with him, or should I not? I feel as if for the sake of my happiness ending the friendship is something I need to do but I also don't want it to seem like I'm jealous and I do not want to do something that I may regret in the future. Thanks.

I wonder how he would react and what he would say to you if you spent time talking to another man? Do you think it would affect him in the same way that his behavior has affected you?

I also think, would you really want to be "with" someone that looks in the other direction at a time when you need support the most? Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

By the way, its totally normal for friendships and romantic interests to drift away over time. Maintaining a friendship or relationship takes work from BOTH sides... not 50%-50%, but more 100%-100% on each person's end. When the balance gets out of whack, people drift away.

That's actually how friendships morph and how people become less close. Its gradual. Most of the time there isn't a huge blowout or significant event that causes a friendship to fracture.

[divine1966]

Did he lead you on? Or told you are his girlfriend but then cheated? Were you two romantically involved?

I am not clear with dynamics. If you two were just friends it's not wrong of him to have a gf as long as he didn't lead you on. If you are really in love then being friends might be too much as it would keep hurting you

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Your gut feeling is telling you to end the relationship, then end it. Dont set yourself up that you have to change or better yourself to be with him. If he really cared for you he would not have gone and found another woman to be with. Let him go and move onward. Get a whole new social circle, ask for a peer group of peers that are similiar to where they would understand you and accept you, that you would not feel you had to change for. That is my advice. Blessings.

[Mygrandjourney]

"Basically what I need here is opinions, should I stay friends with him, or should I not? I feel as if for the sake of my happiness ending the friendship is something I need to do but I also don't want it to seem like I'm jealous and I do not want to do something that I may regret in the future."

I'm confused about the nature of this relationship: Did he consider your relationship to be a platonic friendship, or was it a dating relationship that hadn't fully evolved and was interrupted by your MH issues?
In any case, is having this as a distraction in your life a good and worthwhile thing while you are focused on getting treatment for what sounds like a serious MH issue? Are you in a good place for this; you sound vulnerable.

Best wishes to you!