Hi,

I have this friend that I haven't talked to in almost five months. She spent the first half of this year abroad and after she came back, I noticed I was always the one calling her to ask how she was doing and arranging for us to meet. She didn't contact me once.

In the end, I decided I wasn't going to contact her either. For a long time, even before her trip, I'd had my suspicions that she didn't even like me because I don't do positive thinking the way she does. When I'm sad or whatever, I believe in feeling it and dealing with it instead of trying to find the positive in it so I don't have to feel difficult emotions. I've also been battling physical illness for a couple of years and have a hard time leaving my house. I felt she was bored of me.

The other day, out of the blue, she called and said she had a Christmas present for me, and could we meet. I felt like saying no but didn't want her to feel like her present would go to waste, so agreed.

I'm nervous about seeing her. I feel our friendship has been a bit of a power trip where she's had the upper hand and I've been too nice for my own good. I've always had trouble expressing my needs for fear of upsetting others. I'm sure this goes back to my childhood where my controlling mother made sure I couldn't have a 'myself', be my own person with my own needs, wants, thoughts and feelings.

I'm not sure if I want to be friends with this person anymore. She laughs at other people's weaknesses, which for me, is a complete no-no. I also don't want her running rings around me anymore. I don't get why I used to regard her as my best friend! I would have done anything for her, but she never gave as much back. Also, I find it weird she's got this present for me now after months of not contacting me at all even though she knows I'm ill and could have used all the friends I could get. But I guess, like I said, that's the problem - to her, I'm a bore :P

I suppose I'll just have see what she wants and try to have the courage to assert myself if need be..

[winter4me]

I had someone like this in and out of my life...
It is painful. If you can, keep it light, friendly, but don't make further plans/promises to get together.
Whatever is going on, this relationship is not one you feel good about, and that is enough to let it go. (((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))

[x123]

I can sympathize. When you don't feel good about the direction your life has taken, then talking or visiting with people from the past only reminds you of the disappointment - at least that is how it affects me. A friend from high school called me several months ago. I called him back, but I deliberately cut the conversation very short, because I felt that he had progressed and succeeded in life while I had not. I feel bad, because he probably wondered why I wasn't as friendly as I should have been.

I hope you do better than me in your meeting. Good luck

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate them!

This friend is doing pretty well in life. She's pretty, has got a job, is in a relationship and is well liked by people. I'm actually happy for her just like I would be for anyone else - all I want for people is good things. I'm also jealous, which is OK. I'm all this. I also wouldn't want her life, which I think is great! Even though I'm in a bad place at the moment, this is my life and I want to work on it rather than fantasize I was someone else or had their lives.

I think the problem is this weird feeling inside of me and this question in my head of what does she want.. I think it's because we've never talked about our 'friendship'. I've known her since pre-school (even there, she ridiculed me!) and we just kind of became friends at some point. I've always admired her for being outspoken and doing what she wants, living the dream - but in the past year, I've also come to realise there are things I don't like about her.

I think I'm really going to have to assert myself and tell her exactly what I do and don't want. But it's going to be difficult if she's just going to pretend like nothing weird has happened between us and as though we're still mates like we used to be. I don't regard anyone who disappears from my life when I need them the most as a good friend. I'm angry at myself for being so blind and stupid that I thought our friendship was more than what it was. And I'm worried I'll be sucked back in, once again giving more than I'm getting - but no, I'm not going to do that. I'm thankful for the anger I feel, I'm sure it'll keep me from reverting back to being the doormat I once was!

Thanks for listening, by the way, it really helps to get these feelings out