[shamon86]

Hello everyone.
I'm very confused and hoping someone can give me some advice with this. This is a long post so I'm sorry I'm just trying to describe as best I can what's going on. My ex best friend and I had known each other for about 5 years and when I met her she was married so naturally I got to know her husband. I've always had a thing for him, but he was off limits since he was married.
This year they got divorced and my friend and I had a falling out but I've kept in touch with her husband as I felt like he understood me more emotionally. I haven't seen him in a while so I suggested we get together this Friday to catch up. After we set everything up this is how our conversation turned out:

Him: I just need to make sure I don't have too much to drink. I don't want to spill the truth, but i'll try to be on my best behavior

Me: I have no worries you're always on your best behavior

Him: That was when I had to be. Not much holding me back now

Me: Well then it will be interesting to see another side of you

This goes on for a couple of messages him saying he's not sure if he wants to tell me the "truth". He finally says:

I've always been attracted to you. You have a kind heart and a gentle soul. And you have a sense of empathy that seems to be a lost trait by today's standards. you have a beauty that runs deeper then skin and that makes it stronger than steel.

In my head I'm not believing what I'm seeing. How could someone like him, be attracted to someone like me? It doesn't make sense. I told him how sweet that was and that I find it hard to believe he would be attracted to me because I'm nothing like girls he's dated. He says

It's not about comparing you to others. Everyone has their own beauty. And yours is concrete. It's not something that fades, changes, or subject to manipulation. And that makes you very attractive..

I tell him I'm not sure that I see the same that he does and that I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him. He has the same things he says about me and has a kind heart and a good man. Then he goes on to say

You've been dealt some pretty difficult hands in life. Trust me I know how it goes. I'm not going to pretend I've been through all the same things, but I've been through some of it and I know it sucks But I've also seen the brighter side of things, I've experienced a lot. Good and bad. And when I hear about the bad things you're going through it makes me want to show you there are good things in life. I want to give you some of those good things. I've always felt this way.


Now, I'm not sure how to respond to this, and I think there is some other meaning behind what he is saying so I ask him to be blunt instead of speaking in code or whatever. He's worried about being too forward but he says

I'm attracted to you and I want to show you what it's like to be the center of someone's world. Even if it's just for 1 night. Every now and then everyone needs a break from the real world and have a moment of pure bliss

Okay I think I'm getting a clearer picture here. I tell him that I want that too, it's just a hard thing to give away. So inevitably the question he asks me is if I'm a virgin. WHY DO GUYS CARE???? At any rate I give him an honest answer. Yes (i've just never found the right guy) He says he feels like an *** for making these suggestions. He thinks that with everything we have both been through "we could help each other by washing it away for 1 night." I tell him if I had more experience than I would jump at that chance, but there are a lot of "firsts" I've yet to have. His response is that he can help me with that! It's a little awkward but I wouldn't mind him helping me with some of that, I just may be bad at it.
Here is where I screw things up. I still need some clarification from him. Is he looking for someone to sleep with or have a relationship with? Because even though you may already know the answer, I don't. Of course he's looking for the former rather than latter, He says

Here's the thing, I'm dating someone but it's not serious. We haven't talked about if we are exclusive or not. So as far as she knows I could be seeing other people (even though I'm not) and vice-versa. But that's 1 reason why they haven't slept together. So I figured since we knew each other we could help take care of each others needs, But knowing what I know now, I can understand why you may be reluctant. So the ball is in your court, but I haven't changed my mind.

Shortly after this I tell him I'll think about it and get back to him (it was well past midnight at this point). This morning, the first thing he says is that he's sorry he overstepped last night and shouldn't have said the things he said. I tell him I'm just trying to figure out how much of what he said last night was true or if he just said those things because he wants to sleep together. He says he shouldn't have said anything and us getting together was a bad idea. My first experience shouldn't be with someone who is as confused as he is right now. He says that he's afraid that if something happened and it didn't end well he doesn't "want to loose a damn good friend."

I'm just so confused because some things he says sounds like he's looking for a relationship. Other parts sound like he just wants to sleep together. Now I may be willing to take the risk of trying to have a relationship with him, but I'm not going to sleep with him right off the bat. I must have said something wrong during this whole thing because he is rethinking everything we talked about last night. I still want to try to work this out and get on some common ground but I don't want to sound crazy or obsessive by bringing it back up again. How am I supposed to do that? Should I just let this go?

[CopperStar]

He's a silver-tongued playah trying to get into your pants. That's it in a nutshell.

[hazn]

Based on what you've shared... I wouldn't trust this guy one bit, and would suggest staying far, far away. That's the feeling I get without even knowing him. But it's your call.

[avlady]

i would ditch this relationship in a hurry!!!!

[BlueCrustacean]

He's too messed up and confused in his own problems with divorce and this other relationship to do anything with you and have it turn out well. He doesn't know what he wants. Don't bother getting tangled up in his huge mess.

[Permacultural]

He's not looking for a relationship. He wants to have sex with you. and that's all he wants.

no guy will copy words out of a romance novel for a woman he is interested in for a relationship....especially a guy that's been married and divorced.

He's trying to manipulate you. He probably feels a little guilty after finding out that you are a virgin....which is why he is "putting the ball in your court". So he doesn't have to accept responsibility when he comes up with an excuse to choose someone else. "Well I did say just one night, and that I was kinda dating someone else".

If this guy was serious about having an actual relationship with you, he would want to spend time with you and he wouldn't be dating anyone else. And the sex issue would happen organically over time.... Not through a text message.

[ChipperMonkey]

He's a total D-bag.

Dating someone but unsure if they're exclusive or not, and still looking for action on the side?

I don't accept this behavior from a potential partner, or even a friend! Seriously, I have mostly guy friends, and if I knew any of them were trying to play women like this, I'd totally lose respect for them (even if they weren't trying to game me).

You deserve better. Don't fall for this crap.

[SvanThor]

He sounds like a sweet-talker. He's a liar, a cheat. He's seeing someone? He's cheating on her by even talking to you. He sounds like a complete ***; I hope you realize you deserve better than this.

Svan

Sounds to me like an opportunist trying to score on the rebound. If your gut feeling gives you these vibes then pay attention to them. tc

[divine1966]

Help each other washing it away in one night. What a douche bag. And all of this through text messages? So rude.

I think he is straight forward and very clear on what he wants. One night stand. He doesn't suggest anything else but sex. I don't see anything else. Stir away and fast.

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