[BlueCrustacean]

I've been an introvert all my life. When I was a kid, I was picked on by extroverts. I was made to feel like I wasn't okay, like something was wrong with me just for being myself. I was bullied, made fun of and miserable all growing up, by kids who seemed to be out for nothing but to hurt me... and then people have the NERVE to ask me why I'm shy?? Is shy a bad thing??? I've always been told that being shy is bad and something that losers are, and I've also been bullied by other kids constantly.

Why talk, when it just gets you made fun of and bullied? Why say anything to people who are only out to hurt you?

It's the same old story. The happy, peppy extroverts who come along once in a while and ask me why I don't talk much, and then later snicker at me behind my back, and whisper that I'm probably some evil violent psychopath or weird loser because I don't talk to THEM. If they really want to know why I don't talk to them, maybe they should check their snide superiority complex.

Sometimes they pretend to be nice and cover their asses by saying, "I used to be quiet, too, until I broke out of my shell".... WHAT SHELL???? Are you implying that there's something wrong with me that needs to be changed??? Am I not good enough for you???? *$#@ off. I don't owe you a single thing. You've done nothing for me, that's for sure.

I can relate to everything you wrote. I've been there too. The bullying, the shaming, the persecution...

I think that "reserved" is perhaps the right word, instead of "shy". You keep your emotions to yourself, and that's not a bad thing.

I do that too, in order to protect myself. If that bothers people, then it's their problem, not mine.

Those people who say you are "shy", they are ignorant half-wits, in my opinion. They are simply uncapable to produce a spark with the couple of neurons that inhabit their skulls, and therefore are unable to process information and understand that there are people in this world other than them, with different interests and needs from theirs.

[DechanDawa]

It's a cultural thing. In western society extroversion is the norm. In Asian cultures it is the opposite...introversion is the norm.

[Permacultural]

I'm the same way.

Maybe the bullies need to crawl into a shell so they can't hurt anyone anymore. By the way in all my years of being bullied, I noticed that most bullies, while menacing and threatening, are at their very core cowards. They are cowards because they can't do anything without a fan club following them around.

[ChipperMonkey]

Extroverts suck! Ok maybe that was a little strong. Here's my take on it!

We are introverts living in an extroverted world! By design we have been forced to adapt to their world. We can see the differences because they're in our face 24/7. Well, except for when we're asleep lol. Extroverts are at home in an extroverted world. They have to adapt to nothing because society already caters to them. They tend to be a bit more short sighted in whole and label introverts as loners, losers, and so on. I personally flip things around. I think it is a HUGE advantage to be an introvert. I can be fun all by myself. I don't need others to make me happy. It makes me feel more independent, more free.

Hi everyone. This is the first time on this particular forum category, but not my first time at psychcentral which I've been a member of for many years. Anyway, just want to add something from my own experiences with (1) being bullied; (2) being "bully-proofed" by my therapist; (3) myself as an extrovert; (4) my significant other is an introvert, I'm an extrovert, and we sort of balance each other out. I was bullied as a child because I was different from other children. I was a good student, studied hard, was funny, etc etc and also was a musician. I was also bullied by an occasional co-worker or supervisor, even though everyone else liked and appreciated me. A therapist bully-proofed me and now I don't get bullied anymore -- savfe for over 12 years. I do not know how the therapist bully-proofed me, but somehow I just overcame my fear of other people. I changed my lifestyle when I was younger to avoid weird and difficult relationships. I started two sequential self-employed service businesses. I discovered that I am unable to work a "regular job," in an office, which was where my skills are. When I started my own business, suddenly I was getting compliments constantly -- several times a week -- instead of negativity and constant criticism and bullying. Years ago, too, I stopped going to family celebrations like Christmas and Thanksgiving. One or two family members gave me a really hard time about that decision!! For 3 years of celebrations I refused to attend; they finally gave up the pressure, when they figured out I was serious and permanent in my decision. Now I celebrate major holidays with close friends instead. When I went to a family member's home for these holidays, there was always a lot of strife -- and guess who was blamed???? Me! Finally, I expalineid that I did not get along with the large groups of family, that I got along fine with people one-to-one. So when I dropped out, now other members of the family are the scapegoats. Ha ha ha! I was never the cause of these fights in the first place. Finally, the family stopped inviting me to their gatherings, and I am not really "a part" of the family in a way. This makes me rather sad -- but only because my "image" and belief that family harmony can be real, at least for some few families, does not fit the reality of my family. My two nephews, who live in the same city as me, have large dogs that bark, sniff my crotch, and jump up on me. So I have made it clear that I will not visit the nephews. I like good dogs -- not "bad owners" who let or make their dogs be bad dogs. So anyway, there are some of my means of getting out of being bullied -- I "just say no" to situations and life styles where there are bullies around. I have also learned to "walk away" when someone is saying or doing something offensive. Some people in the apt. building where I live make derogatory racist comments or ugly gossip and name-calling behind the backs of some of the other people that live here. When I've been in a group of people who trash others, I just say, "I don't really agree with you," then calmly walk away from the group. When I was younger, I used to try to say positive things to turn the conversations around and "help the people see others in a positive way." I found out this tactic does not work. As far as I know, nobody changes their mind, and the conversation usually reverts back to trashing or gossiping. So now I just check out of the conversation. Guess what -- I never hear stuff like this from the very same people. They like me and we get along fine -- in the hallways. Let them vent at someone else -- not me.

[TishaBuv]

It sounds like you are not shy, but afraid to be yourself and open up because you've been bullied.

I was bullied as a kid. I was sickly skinny and had a huge nose. There was a group of popular girls who were mean to the kids who they decided weren't cool. I was one of them. I used to come home from school every day crying. Any way I tried to defend myself only infuriated them more. Eventually, I moved away. There were nicer people in my new schools, and I was never bullied again. It was an awful experience, but through it I learned to be very friendly to new people I meet. I always look people right in the eye and say 'hi' and act like I am really well adjusted to compensate for that feeling you are having of withdrawal.

Sometimes I make friends and sometimes people still don't like me, but I always act friendly and welcoming, like I am very self confident and open (even though I am really not).

[Serzen]

I am an introvert and have been bullied through high school and sometimes through primary school.

It took me lots of years to learn to laugh at myself, and I'm still learning.

I've always been selective with people and always will be.

What most extroverts don't get is that you may be an introvert but not shy. I am not shy, if I don't speak is because I don't want to, not because I can't. Anyway, the typical "oh you don't speak much do you?" still bothers me.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Serzen

I am an introvert and have been bullied through high school and sometimes through primary school.

It took me lots of years to learn to laugh at myself, and I'm still learning.

I've always been selective with people and always will be.

What most extroverts don't get is that you may be an introvert but not shy. I am not shy, if I don't speak is because I don't want to, not because I can't. Anyway, the typical "oh you don't speak much do you?" still bothers me.

This is nice and I think it really describes someone who is reserved. I am like you. I don't have any fears around talking to people, and can talk in front of groups, and participate in group activities. But I don't talk as much as other people. People have described me as "shy" but it is simply not true. I have had Native American friends and Asian friends and they don't talk as much, and are comfortable with long pauses between conversation, and I am also very comfortable with that. People can speak less and still be assertive. I might add that extroverts often get uncomfortable around someone who talks less and may actually be made to feel nervous by long pauses of silence. (It doesn't bother me when people comment that I speak less. It's their problem if they are uncomfortable, not mine.)

[brainhi]

I believe over time we hopefully learn to understand and accept ourselves.

I hate labels but I would be considered an extrovert... and was bullied about many different things as a child/teen.

As an "extrovert" I wanted acceptance for "who I am" just as an introvert would want.

We let people in and out of our lives because we do or do not share the same values (and values change throughout life).

You have the power to live the kind of life you want as best you can. You choose who or what you want in your life. I'm an "extrovert" but I have just a very few people in my life that mean so much to mean.
I think it's smart to find a career that fits who you are.... it takes time to figure it out. If you do not fit in at work... and are miserable, you better find something different because we spend a huge amount of time at work.. and life is going to suck more and more!

It does not have to.... live by your own shoulds!!!!! No one is like you and that is GREAT!

Like I said, it could take a while to figure it out but do not view your own life by someone else's standards.

I am not getting any younger or richer.. or so on.. there are those days that are so hard and wonder if it's all worth it...but I am much happier with MY life choices... and if it is not the right choice I figure it out and move on!

It's good to discuss things that are hard. It's good to be able to come to places like this and know you are understood.......

But action is required for your life to get better... you do not need to turn into someone else.... you need to accept yourself.. the good, bad and ugly.

[Serzen]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

This is nice and I think it really describes someone who is reserved. I am like you. I don't have any fears around talking to people, and can talk in front of groups, and participate in group activities. But I don't talk as much as other people. People have described me as "shy" but it is simply not true. I have had Native American friends and Asian friends and they don't talk as much, and are comfortable with long pauses between conversation, and I am also very comfortable with that. People can speak less and still be assertive. I might add that extroverts often get uncomfortable around someone who talks less and may actually be made to feel nervous by long pauses of silence. (It doesn't bother me when people comment that I speak less. It's their problem if they are uncomfortable, not mine.)

You got a good point there. It won't bother me anymore (:

[spondiferous]

I've been an introvert my entire life for the most part. It's difficult for me to approach people I don't know. I don't do well in situations where everyone is vastly different from me. Many people have told me that they never know what I'm thinking because I always look so stone-faced on the outside (I've even had people say they're intimidated by me! LOL) which was always a surprise because I've always felt quite frightened and bewildered of the (human) world around me.

I'm at home in nature, around animals, and around other 'vulnerable' (marginalized) people. When I'm in my element, you'd never know I was an introvert. However, I do require large amounts of time alone, at home, away from it all. Sometimes I'm insecure about this; many of my friends know many people and thrive in social situations. In tandem with my introversion, I also have a worsening hearing condition that makes it next to impossible to converse with people, even when I'm wearing my hearing aids.

I don't blame you for feeling how you feel. We all have different life experiences. I absolutely the social 'norm' that we're all expected (in western society) to be outgoing, life-of-the-party, workaholic types who just never give up no matter what and always have smiles plastered to our faces and are able to jump into any situation anywhere ever and know exactly what to do. It's exhausting.

And, when our parents and siblings were our initial bullies,
it adds an even deeper layer to that onion we must peel
in order to root out the pain and heal ...

[Serzen]

Originally Posted by spondiferous

I've been an introvert my entire life for the most part. It's difficult for me to approach people I don't know. I don't do well in situations where everyone is vastly different from me. Many people have told me that they never know what I'm thinking because I always look so stone-faced on the outside (I've even had people say they're intimidated by me! LOL) which was always a surprise because I've always felt quite frightened and bewildered of the (human) world around me.

I'm at home in nature, around animals, and around other 'vulnerable' (marginalized) people. When I'm in my element, you'd never know I was an introvert. However, I do require large amounts of time alone, at home, away from it all. Sometimes I'm insecure about this; many of my friends know many people and thrive in social situations. In tandem with my introversion, I also have a worsening hearing condition that makes it next to impossible to converse with people, even when I'm wearing my hearing aids.

I don't blame you for feeling how you feel. We all have different life experiences. I absolutely the social 'norm' that we're all expected (in western society) to be outgoing, life-of-the-party, workaholic types who just never give up no matter what and always have smiles plastered to our faces and are able to jump into any situation anywhere ever and know exactly what to do. It's exhausting.

We introverts rule

Originally Posted by flowerbells

I used to try to say positive things to turn the conversations around and "help the people see others in a positive way." I found out this tactic does not work. As far as I know, nobody changes their mind, and the conversation usually reverts back to trashing or gossiping.

That's what I think, too.

[marmaduke]

I don't like people. I like animals more.
I was bullied by mother, timid and silent I went to school, relentlessly bullied there too.
Shy kids are a easy target and I had no idea how to stick up for myself.

Mother had told me it's all my fault and that l would 'Never have friends because no one would ever like me'

Gee thanks mommie dearest.

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

[DechanDawa]

There is something called an ambivert, and I identify with that. It is someone who is extroverted in certain situations, and introverted in others. I was very nervous about going to graduate school because I felt I would do poorly in groups, and making presentations. I found that in the classroom where there was focus on one subject I could and did speak freely to the group. However, at parties I tend to be quiet and move to the fringe of the party. If I am comfortable one-on-one with a person I can be quite talkative and outgoing. So now I identify more with being an ambivert, but I think I put myself in situations where I became more extroverted. I think one might not need to let themselves be too defined by labels. There is always room to grow and change.

Originally Posted by spondiferous

I'm at home in nature, around animals, and around other 'vulnerable' (marginalized) people. When I'm in my element, you'd never know I was an introvert.

I'm sorry but do you hear yourself, "in your element" "marginalized people"? That is a patronizing, offensive, statement right there. I'm afraid that you have been misled in life to believe you fit into a category labeled as "introvert" as if you are somehow beneath others. As if "extroverts" are somehow better than you. I must stop now because I am about to write something I shouldn't. Please don't think less of yourself because you do not talk non-stop about your own life.

Good thread from the original poster.

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by Cloudburst

I'm sorry but do you hear yourself, "in your element" "marginalized people"? That is a patronizing, offensive, statement right there. I'm afraid that you have been misled in life to believe you fit into a category labeled as "introvert" as if you are somehow beneath others. As if "extroverts" are somehow better than you. I must stop now because I am about to write something I shouldn't. Please don't think less of yourself because you do not talk non-stop about your own life.

Good thread from the original poster.

I'm an introvert and I understand the person you quoted. This is my take. 'Vulnerable' as in vulnerable to the judgment and attacks from an extroverted society that doesn't make an attempt to understand. (Marginalized) by mainstream society......VERY true because if you don't fit in and act how they want you to, you're shoved to the side. "In your element"....well in MY element I am the same, when I'm comfortable I can be quite social and such.

I think you (the person who is so upset) are actually the one who has issues with feeling "less than" as a result of being introverted and that's why you're so upset with the person you quoted.

I am an extravert. I have always felt comfortable around introverts because I talk SO much and am so outgoing. I think I can make people feel comfortable in opening up.

When around extraverts I sometimes feel uncomfortable. I feel that sometimes there is a power play or a jockey to become the leader or to be in control of the group.

I am not a leader or a follower. I just walk alone most times.