[EJ711]

After playing phone tag with a therapist, with whom I had an established relationship, for at least a week, I was able to get in to see her today.

Since my broken ankle is still healing, it's been four weeks -- severe cabin fever set in after two -- husband had to drive me the 70 miles to her office.

After my recent crisis, brought on by my St. Bernard breaking my ankle, and news of a settlement from a former employer being $200,000 less than I originally was told, I had promised myself that I would not deprive myself of good professionals like the therapist I saw today, just b/c my husband has been refusing to sell our farm and move back at least closer to civilization.

Husband didn't want to talk to her, which was fine.

On the way home in the truck, I just said so do you still want to separate? He made a thoughtless and hurtful remark the first week I was home from the hospital, about my moving back to the city, and his staying here. For a lot of reasons he has been paying for this comment dearly since then. I'm one of those persons who takes a long time to get mad, but once I'm mad watch out.

Anyway in the truck coming home, he said he didn't want to separate. So I said then there are going to have to be some changes. I told him I wanted to look for a house somewhere closer to where we used to live, and he said, "Fine".

Maybe timing is everything, but I've had this conversation with him more times than I wish to remember since we've been here the last five years, and this is the first time he said, "Fine."

Comments -- anyone.

EJ

[sabby]

Wow EJ....he said "fine"??????? Go with it hon...make those phone calls and start looking NOW! LOL

Maybe he is slowly realizing that "his" dream is not the best for the both of you anymore. And I think sometimes men have to "think" about things longer than women do. (at least that's been my experience with the men in my life)

I surely hope this means you will be able to find a place that will benefit the both of you. Wishing you tons of luck hon!



Hugssss
J

[Direction]

I agree with sabau - make all the calls...

By the way I applaud you on your assertive communication with him...bring up the topic of separtion...not an easy thing to do...then telling him there would have to be some changes...I bet you were "blanking' in your pants...

Wow...can I get a standing ovation going for you EJ!!!!

[bebop]

ej I hope things work out there for you! maybe you can look around for a small farm in closer to where you want to be and you will both be happy. I know you love those animals you have there. keep up the good work honey.

[Zen888]

EJ

I think when your husband said "fine" he said it best...you (EJ) make the first move. If you want things to change I think you are going to have make the changes. Be proactive and happy in your life with or without your husband.

[EJ711]

Sabau, Bebop, Direction, Pat and Zen,

Thank you all for your support.

My broken ankle, and teaching a summer course online have me a bit tired right now, but I'll be jumping on this pretty quickly.

Hugs all the way around -

EJ

[bebop]

rest well my dear friend!

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
EJ711 said:
For a lot of reasons he has been paying for this comment dearly since then. I'm one of those persons who takes a long time to get mad, but once I'm mad watch out.

Maybe timing is everything, but I've had this conversation with him more times than I wish to remember since we've been here the last five years, and this is the first time he said, "Fine."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
There you go! I think you wore him down :-) My husband will get upset when I'm yammering at him but then go away and think about it a day or two and come around; maybe that's what yours did, over the course of a couple, three, weeks.

I'm glad you don't have the broken ankle, the disappointing settlement, separation and trying to sell/move all at the same time! Looks like a couple things might resolve and get a bit more even-tempered?

[EJ711]

Perna,

Not that it will change anything, but I've been mad at myself for believing the attorney who told me in very definite terms my settlement would be $225,000. I feel like I was duped.

I may not have been part of the class action suit for only $25,000. Being part of the suit, resulted in hanging onto the hurt from the discriminatory action my former employer of 17 years took against me b/c of my age.

If I didn't think I was getting $225,000 I might have been able to convince my husband to get the hell out of here sooner.

It seems really funny to be grieving $200,000 I never had in the first place.

I'm going to go cry now.



Now don't respond with intellectual reasoning. I need healing emotional comments.

I'm very thankful my faith and trust in God is strong. It's just my human part, which is having a hell-uv-a time with this "change in plans".

I'm turning 60 in less than a month, so all of this self- and life-examination, set off by my broken ankle is timely to say the least.

Thanks for your support,

EJ

[EJ711]

Hi Bebop,

Everything closer to civilization is more expensive, but I have wanted the "clearance from husband" to look. Now I have it!!

Perna's theory on my wearing him down is interesting. Does anyone else have any theories on why he finally said, "Fine." without being grumpy or mean may I add?

Hugs all the way around -

EJ -- Happy Camper

[Direction]

my gut says - indifference - fine is the internationally language of indifference and I don't want to be hounded about it anymore...so it will be up to you to take all actions...

EJ I'm just now reading this thread.

Disappointment is disappointment, so mourning the $$ even though you never had is understandable. You were expecting it. That must be a huge disappointment and... it must feel like a 'statement' about the suit, too.

I don't know why did your husband might have said 'fine' without agrument this time. Have you asked him that?

I'm glad your ankle is mending and you have a good therapist available.

ECHOES

i'm glad he said "fine".
i'm glad your ankle is healing.
i'm sorry you didn't get the settlement. i didn't get but $2500 from the breast implant companies and i turned around and gave it to the lawyers.
i made it through it all and so will you.
hang on to your faith and in time, all of this will just be a memory.........xoxoxo pat

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( EJ )))))))))))))))))

[seeker1950]

Hi, EJ...
Sorry to hear of your disappointment in the settlement...I would definitely be sad about that as well! Boy...could I ever use that amount, as I'm sure you could too!

As for your husband's response of "fine"....Have you two had more time now to talk about this? I think Direction may be correct that this is a kind of indifference on his part. I hope he grabs the bull by the horns and goes with it!
Love
Patty

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((( EJ ))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you didn't get the settlement promised. I would cry too...lots.

How awesome that things are coming along though with hubby and moving away from there? I'm so happy for you!!

Thank you so much for sharing!

KD

[EJ711]

Thanks, everyone, for your support.

I need to clarify. I think most times, "Fine", is said with a negative tone by a lot of people. Husband, however, said "Fine." in a very positive tone.

A few other things slipped my mind when I wrote last:

1 - Husband's job of two months, is 50 miles south of us.
2 - The area I prefer is north of us.
3 - As soon as you start looking at properties north of here the price tags start going up.
4 - However, I have just wanted to have the freedom to see what I can find.
5 - If we are meant to move, I will find something.

In the meantime, I found a promising job possibility in our local paper -- very rare indeed, as the opportunities in this area are few and far between.

Will keep you all posted.

EJ

[meander]

Sounds awesome EJ... good luck with the search

[sabby]

Awesome news EJ!!!

I'll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you! Won't do my eyes cuz then I couldn't read and post

Hugssssss
Jean