[DarkCloud87]

Hey guys,

I need serious advice....... Kinda long so forgive me.......

I posted about this guy once on this website but this is sort of part 2 or more details I guess..

We were great friends who became intimate/sexually involved. A year later he started talking about girls in front of me and long story short, he was dating/hooking up with females and thought it was funny to brag about it.
I was in love with him and he knew I was, I confronted him and he told me that he didnt mean to hurt me and that we both knew what we were getting into but that basically he used me and led me on because he didnt have anyone else he could depend on and I was a great friend and I was the only person that was there for him"

Okay........ I was hurt, angry, and devastated to say the least. He thought that we should take a few months a part so that I could heal and then we could work on rebuilding our friendship once I felt like I was ready. He checked on me daily and begged me for forgivness and he seemed sincere. He told me that he didnt want me to walk away but that he was extremely hurt by what he had done to me and wanted to fix things.

He started repaying me once a week for the money that I had loaned him etc. He started taking real actions that made me believe that he was sorry and wanted to make things right so I gave him that chance. I was still heart broken and going through all types of emotions but I was trying to hide them to save the friendship.

Maybe a month had passed and he invited me to come over to "catch up" and I declined because I didnt feel like I was strong enough to see him, so we decided on a later date. When I arrived at the apartment he told me he wasnt home but I saw his car and I text him and questioned him and his response was "Yes, I am home but my girl is over and I am not leaving her to come down and talk to you, I am putting my phone on airplane mode and I will be out in an hour"

I was hurt all over again, I wasnt ready to hear that and I couldnt believe he invited me just to tell me to sit outside and wait an hour while him and his "girl" were inside. I went and knocked on the door and we got into an argument, he threatened to have me removed by police, but then turned around and apologized and said he was scared that I came to do something harmful to him. I was confused because he had invited me. He ended up staying outside with me for over an hour and I told him that I couldnt remain friends anymore because it was hurting me too much and I hugged him and I started to walk away. He had this hurt look on his face and told me that he didnt want me to walk away, but I asked him if he had anything he wanted to say and he just stood there so I left.

He text me and told me that he didnt expect for her to be there at that time and thats why he told me he wasnt home because he didnt want me to know she was there because he knew I would be hurt.

I didnt talk to him for a few weeks and I decided to text him and I asked him how things were going with him and he replied "Its funny how you are so concerned about me and my life, isnt it obvious that I dont give a damn about your personal life, all you have access to is our friendship only" that pissed me off and out of anger I told him I wanted all the gifts back that I had bought him and if he didnt return them I was going to expose him for being gay.

He told me to come and get everything, okay there is where I made a huge mistake, I was extremely mad and all the feelings of him using me and breaking my heart came flooding back and I told his ex girlfriend the truth (she had previously questioned me and I told her no). When I got to his place he handed me everything and I told him that I had already told her everything, he said that I would never hear from him again, he then got in his car and we left. He blocked me on social media and blocked my phone number.

A month went by and I hadnt tried to contact him or anything I was finally moving on but I started feeling horrible about what I had done so I tried to reach out to apologize. I text him and apologized and he didnt respond so I tried to text again the next day but it didnt send, he had changed his number that night after I sent the text.

I decided to try to talk to him in person, so I went to the gym ( we shared the gym for over a year) and I worked out for over an hour and then he walked in. I actually ended up working out for an extra hour just to build up the courage to approach him. I walked up and said hi and he seemed nervous and I asked if I could speak with him and he followed me outside. I apologized and he accepted and he told me that he wanted to have a conversation with me but that he needed more time. We ended the conversation and I went home.

I sent an email and thanked him for talking to me and he responded and said "Before I respond further what all did you tell her and what all did she say" I told him that I wanted to leave the past in the past but that if he really wanted to know I would tell him in person and not over email. He then responded with "Forget I asked the question, It was really nice seeing you today, I am glad you are doing better and I hope you continue to push forward, but im not ready to talk or meet"

I took this as him opening the door to reconciling things, but then 2 days later he sent another email basically saying "Im not even going to waste your time, I will not be meeting or talking, Thank you for everything youve done for me, if it wasnt for you I wouldnt be where I am today. When I am able I am going to give you back way more than you gave me, I am going to be a blessing to you. Ill be in touch when I have what I feel I owe you"

I was a little confused so I reached out and asked him what had changed, and that he didnt owe me anything. He would open the email but wouldnt repspond. I sent a few more emails and then the emails were returned. He had deleted his email account.

I know deep down that he cares as a friend, he knows that I care about him. We both made mistakes and I am extremely hurt by what I did and I just want to save the friendship and I felt like he was open to it but then backed out.

Is there anything that I can do? or is all hope of a friendship lost?
　
　

[CANDC]

Hi Dark Cloud. Sorry you are having challenges in a friendship.

Here are two articles that might help you get a perspective on that
Growing Healthy Friendships | Psych Central

Hope you don't get to this point, but it might show you if you are already nearing an ending
8 Steps to Closure When a Friendship Ends | World of Psychology

[ChipperMonkey]

I only read the first few lines, so here is my initial reaction...

Why would you want to be friends with someone who uses you for sex? I wouldn't ever talk to someone again if I found out they were just using me. Maybe I see things like this because I'm a SA survivor, but even so... I don't believe that good friends will use each other in a most intimate way. That's just slime-ball-ish. How could you ever trust him after he violated your trust in such a major way?

And now that I've read the rest....

This guy was never your friend. He's a jerk. Your judgment is clouded by the fact that you were in love with him. He doesn't treat you well at all. He lies to you. He strings you along. He uses you. And that line about giving you what you deserve? That comes across as a threat more than anything. I'd be afraid of him. I think you take this as him giving you something good, but since it was said via email, coupled with the fact that he deleted his account, I'd be concerned that it is a threat especially since you ratted him out to his girlfriend.

In the end, this guy just isn't into you. He's using you and taking advantage of you. There is no saving the friendship because it was never a friendship to begin with. I hope you can see that this isn't how friends treat each other. I hope that you can work on building your self esteem so that the next time a user comes along you will walk away a lot sooner.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by DarkCloud87

Hey guys,

I need serious advice....... Kinda long so forgive me.......

I posted about this guy once on this website but this is sort of part 2 or more details I guess..

We were great friends who became intimate/sexually involved. A year later he started talking about girls in front of me and long story short, he was dating/hooking up with females and thought it was funny to brag about it.
I was in love with him and he knew I was, I confronted him and he told me that he didnt mean to hurt me and that we both knew what we were getting into but that basically he used me and led me on because he didnt have anyone else he could depend on and I was a great friend and I was the only person that was there for him"

Okay........ I was hurt, angry, and devastated to say the least. He thought that we should take a few months a part so that I could heal and then we could work on rebuilding our friendship once I felt like I was ready. He checked on me daily and begged me for forgivness and he seemed sincere. He told me that he didnt want me to walk away but that he was extremely hurt by what he had done to me and wanted to fix things.

He started repaying me once a week for the money that I had loaned him etc. He started taking real actions that made me believe that he was sorry and wanted to make things right so I gave him that chance. I was still heart broken and going through all types of emotions but I was trying to hide them to save the friendship.

Maybe a month had passed and he invited me to come over to "catch up" and I declined because I didnt feel like I was strong enough to see him, so we decided on a later date. When I arrived at the apartment he told me he wasnt home but I saw his car and I text him and questioned him and his response was "Yes, I am home but my girl is over and I am not leaving her to come down and talk to you, I am putting my phone on airplane mode and I will be out in an hour"

I was hurt all over again, I wasnt ready to hear that and I couldnt believe he invited me just to tell me to sit outside and wait an hour while him and his "girl" were inside. I went and knocked on the door and we got into an argument, he threatened to have me removed by police, but then turned around and apologized and said he was scared that I came to do something harmful to him. I was confused because he had invited me. He ended up staying outside with me for over an hour and I told him that I couldnt remain friends anymore because it was hurting me too much and I hugged him and I started to walk away. He had this hurt look on his face and told me that he didnt want me to walk away, but I asked him if he had anything he wanted to say and he just stood there so I left.

He text me and told me that he didnt expect for her to be there at that time and thats why he told me he wasnt home because he didnt want me to know she was there because he knew I would be hurt.

I didnt talk to him for a few weeks and I decided to text him and I asked him how things were going with him and he replied "Its funny how you are so concerned about me and my life, isnt it obvious that I dont give a damn about your personal life, all you have access to is our friendship only" that pissed me off and out of anger I told him I wanted all the gifts back that I had bought him and if he didnt return them I was going to expose him for being gay.

He told me to come and get everything, okay there is where I made a huge mistake, I was extremely mad and all the feelings of him using me and breaking my heart came flooding back and I told his ex girlfriend the truth (she had previously questioned me and I told her no). When I got to his place he handed me everything and I told him that I had already told her everything, he said that I would never hear from him again, he then got in his car and we left. He blocked me on social media and blocked my phone number.

A month went by and I hadnt tried to contact him or anything I was finally moving on but I started feeling horrible about what I had done so I tried to reach out to apologize. I text him and apologized and he didnt respond so I tried to text again the next day but it didnt send, he had changed his number that night after I sent the text.

I decided to try to talk to him in person, so I went to the gym ( we shared the gym for over a year) and I worked out for over an hour and then he walked in. I actually ended up working out for an extra hour just to build up the courage to approach him. I walked up and said hi and he seemed nervous and I asked if I could speak with him and he followed me outside. I apologized and he accepted and he told me that he wanted to have a conversation with me but that he needed more time. We ended the conversation and I went home.

I sent an email and thanked him for talking to me and he responded and said "Before I respond further what all did you tell her and what all did she say" I told him that I wanted to leave the past in the past but that if he really wanted to know I would tell him in person and not over email. He then responded with "Forget I asked the question, It was really nice seeing you today, I am glad you are doing better and I hope you continue to push forward, but im not ready to talk or meet"

I took this as him opening the door to reconciling things, but then 2 days later he sent another email basically saying "Im not even going to waste your time, I will not be meeting or talking, Thank you for everything youve done for me, if it wasnt for you I wouldnt be where I am today. When I am able I am going to give you back way more than you gave me, I am going to be a blessing to you. Ill be in touch when I have what I feel I owe you"

I was a little confused so I reached out and asked him what had changed, and that he didnt owe me anything. He would open the email but wouldnt repspond. I sent a few more emails and then the emails were returned. He had deleted his email account.

I know deep down that he cares as a friend, he knows that I care about him. We both made mistakes and I am extremely hurt by what I did and I just want to save the friendship and I felt like he was open to it but then backed out.

Is there anything that I can do? or is all hope of a friendship lost?
　
　

Wow. This guy sounds damaged. This whole story sounds really crazy. He clearly cares you but he seems to have a lot of issues. I would just give it space. Of course,you can reconcile.

[Trippin2.0]

What friendship????????

[gayleggg]

I would back off and leave the ball in his court.

Of course, if it was me I'd walk away and say good riddance.

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