[Tearsofaflower]

So, this will be my first time doing anything like this. I've never been involved in an "internet community" so this should be interesting.

Well, I am s 23 year old college student seeking advice on what you can call a very difficult relationship with a guy who is 9 years older than me. (I know that might sound like a red flag in itself, the age difference does show up a lot in our relationship).

It is extremely difficult to try and describe how our relationship got to where we are. I have known him for a year and a half now. Met back in mid '14, stopped dating Jan of '15 (in which case he found another lady to date who he fell head over heels for that I did not know about until just recently) and we started to date again mid oct of '15.

Now, the beginning of our "relationship" back in '14 was, difficult. I did somethings he did not approve of, and continued doing (no, there was no "cheating" or "Sexual interraction" with anyone else), nevertheless, it caused him to have very little respect and trust in me, which eventually led to us to stop dating. We did, however, still see each other after as a sort of friends-with-benefits type of thing, but not quite. You see, at first it seemed that way, but there would be times when he would ask me to go over and we would just sit, drink, talk, and watch a movie. No sex. The only bad part of this was, my feelings for him had never gone away, in fact, they grew stronger. Yes, I was dating other people, and while he never said he was, I knew he had every right to see other people because there was no commitment there. Towards mid '15, I finally poured out my feelings to him, only to be told he was not looking for a relationship and did not expect anything out of "us". He did however say he enjoyed my company, he cared/liked me, and wanted to continue seeing me. Whatever that meant, I chose to still see him. A couple weeks later, I find out he had a girlfriend this entire time, and he neglected to tell me, until he was caught by her and she had him call me (pretty high school huh?). Anyway, a week later we agree to keep seeing each other on accords that his gf and him were no longer dating. Which he told me he wasn't. Big surprise, I find out three months later they had been seeing each other still (not necessarily official, but still "dating") and I felt incredibly stupid.

We never agreed to be "dating". He always told me he

[green0cake]

Get out of that "relationship". That won't bring you any good. Besides, you're still young. Maybe you just want to see him because no one treated you like he does or you find him mature. I didn't ever see a bf/gf relationship without dating. So, don't ever believe that. And besides, remember he told you that...

did not expect anything out of "us".

So, start not to see him anymore. That's hard as you are used to see him but it's for your own good. You might not see the benefit of it now, but in the future, you will

[Steiner of Thule]

I don't know what you really expect out of it. Already sounds like he doesn't really see anything more with you except for occasional sex or something.

[JustJenny]

Tearsofaflower, run!

1. He never wanted a relationship with you
2. He is cheating with you on his real girlfriend (you are the other woman!)
3. He might have been cheating before, you just don't know about it - it's hard to trust this man

You don't need this, no one does. Forget about him.

P.S. 9 years is not a very big gap imo. The gap alone shouldn't have created such problems.

[divine1966]

He has a gf and cheats on her with you. He is a jerk. So run and don't look back

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[TerriLynn]

If he has already lied to you about other women, and lied to another woman, then there is no future with this relationship where he is a trustworthy man.

The age difference is not an issue here, trustworthiness is.

[Septembersrain]

If he would cheat on her, he would cheat on you. I think that even if we know something is bad for us, those pesky phermones are still gonna do their magic.

I think you need to hurt yourself once and for all by just cutting the loss. It's gonna feel horrible and you're gonna wanna take it all back but...

Someday you'll look at the past and be really proud of yourself. You may even find you'll be grateful because an opportunity might have arose out of all that suffering.

Love isn't supposed to be like this. Love yourself enough to drop this game and someday you'll find a man who'll love you the way you deserve.

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