[Wanderlust90]

I've been feeling dissatisfied with life for coming up to 2 years now. It all started after an intense emotional period as a result of methamphetamine abuse, ended mid year 2013. By the beginning of 2014 I was starting to question the point of things, life just wasn't as interesting without the euphoric highs regardless of the consequences, including the intense dysphroria that often followed. Now I feel like most of the time I only get the depression or agitated dysphoria with no hedonistic outlet that makes me feel fully alive again.

All this has led me to question my relationship which started only a few months before the methamphetamine use started. Our relationship was fairly charged, as most are when your not even 20, but it took a different turn with the addition of the drug abuse. I became co dependant on him, couldn't stand when he left me for any reason, was incredibly jealous & suspicious, & tourtured by any perceived attraction of his to another girl, I practically stalked his ex just because I felt outdone by her because she was pretty. I would have hurt her if I had met her. It was a kind of morbid jealousy that consumed me for a good 2 1/2 years. I felt the same about all his other ex's too. It was overwhelming but it felt so right, so good to be so 100% infatuated with someone. So long as I was in his presence I was happy at my core, even if in a blinding jealous rage. It felt good to feel so intensely. I was SO sure.

When the drug use ended, within a few months so did the jealously. Unfortunately within 6 months so did the intensity in our relationship. Now the tides have turned & I sense he's the one more invested. I feel blunted, disconnected, bored & trapped. I don't want to hurt him & I'm also not sure whether to trust these feelings. Perhaps I'm projecting my own unhappiness within myself onto the relationship?

[healingme4me]

It does seem entirely possible that how you're feeling internally is being projected onto the relationship. Bringing sobriety to a relationship is a major undertaking. The fact that he's seeming more invested sounds positive that together you can both reclaim a healthy balance. Fingers crossed that you can work through this.

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