[BlueCrustacean]

I've been friends with a guy on Facebook for years, because he's from the same online school as me. He lives in India and I live in the US, so we've never met IRL, but we've messaged each other all the time regardless. He's always been battling issues with depression, low self-esteem, even some alcoholism. Just recently I posted a short film I made that got a lot of attention and success, and I thanked him for helping me for so long, and he said he was really happy for me.

Then this morning, he wrote that he wanted to die, and that nothing's exciting for him anymore. My immediate mental reaction was, "How DARE you pick this time to drag me down with your negativity! It's like you're whining to me like this on purpose so that I can't feel too happy about my success. I am allowed to feel happy and positive right now, without you pooing all over it."

I genuinely thought about responding something like that to him, and that he should really FINALLY see a therapist instead of only confessing things to me, but I eventually decided not to respond at all. I figured his cry for attention to drag me back down to his level didn't deserve a response, and he'd have to go find someone else for help. I was still active on Facebook, though, posting things and liking other people's posts.

Then I go look at my messages again, hours later, and see that he's deleted his Facebook. Now I'm scared. I really hope he doesn't do something stupid and that he can just use this opportunity to take a break from Facebook and maybe find himself again. I know that Facebook can cause people to compare and be less happy than if they weren't.

Now I'm starting to feel guilty that I intentionally ignored him. I messaged a friend of his in Pakistan just in case. I don't know what else to do. I hope he gets help. I can't be entirely responsible for him. I have to life my own life, too.

[Baj1]

Hi, Do not feel guilty at all. You are not responsible for anybody, and I was so naive when I was in the worst patch of my own depression, that when I had relationship issues I realised particular 'friends' egged it on, because of their own jealousy as the one particular one actually kissed my ex partner. And you can see from certain peoples faces that they are not happy for you, as their face drops when you say 'OMG I GOT A 2.1 IN MY ASSIGNMENT' the words 'I AM HAPPY FOR YOU' never have any meaning behind it but jealousy.

However, its not something anybody wants to have, jealousy..because when I ****ed up my life, I became it too..and its natural, and I know that I am a very nice kind hearted person, and always loved all my friends successes, and still do. Just at times it's so hard to crack a smile not because your horrible, just because you feel you have let yourself down..and you just remember what it's like to be genuinely happy for your mate..but also being content with your own life. He probably felt as though he could talk to you because you was in a similar boat, and felt secure with that..but the reality of it is..you did nothing but look after yourself and he needed to learn you cannot latch onto things that make you feel secure..well you can but not if it means being secure in misery!

[CANDC]

You should not feel guilty that you feel the way you do. Your friend in India is living their own life. It is wonderful you want to help them.

You can provide resources but it is up to them to choose to reach out to them.
International suicide hotline & Resources: suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Psych Central is not a site where people are trained as in a suicide crisis center. The above links are examples of people trained to deal with such crises. Hope they are some help to you and your friend.

[BlueCrustacean]

Thank you. At the end of the day, I have truly helped him and supported him for YEARS whenever he felt bad, and I'd tell him things about my life and feelings too. I made sure to tell him I'd be there to help him, and that I appreciate being his friend. From that point on, it's HIS decision what he wants to do with his life.

Who knows, maybe he'll be back on Facebook after a while. As of now, I have no contact with him, and I've done what I could, so I'll just focus back my life.

[BlueCrustacean]

The good news is, all he did was sleep. He got back on Facebook and messaged me saying sorry, he was just feeling really low. I expressed to him how much I care about him, but also that I was mad that he seemed to be dragging me down with negativity. He understood where I was coming from, and he apologized about that. We're back on good terms now.

[divine1966]

That's good news

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[Baj1]

Glad to hear it!