[ComfortablyNumb5]

I know that some legal details are needed here and if I miss any it's because I simply don't know. But I'll do my best.

Back in 2009, I bought my condo with inheritance my mom left for me. Often it's been more of curse. I've never been able to hold down jobs for long periods due to my BP2 and anxiety issues. In and out of IP and phases of alcoholism. Never had money saved so when the house needed emergency repairs, I'd have to run to family for help. When I bought the house, my dad also put his name on the deed. I always thought he did this to avoid me losing my house from a financial rut or my MI or if God forbid, something did happen to me. Well fast forward. I had a period where I couldn't afford to pay property taxes so I procrastinated and ignored it like I usually do. Since then I've met my bf and he now lives with me and his kids are here 50% of the time. So now my dad thinks that my bf should be paying off my taxes even though I acquired the debt before I met him. We are in debt but I just started working again and we are getting on track of getting out of debt with payment plans ect. It's not easy. Last night I told my brother that my bf and I had plans to get married. He told my dad asap and my dad texted me back saying that he's going to sell the house and leave us homeless. How on earth could a parent do that to their own child? He pissed that my bf has kids and that they stay here in MY house and that I've made them a part of my life and now I want to *gasp* get married! He says that my bf should be paying my debts asap. Like we have all this money laying around. So now my dad is threatening to sell this house and keep the money that was mine to begin with and leave us in the cold. I told my dad I am going to find a way to get him off of the deed. He's a realtor so I knew he'd sneak his way into the deed. I just wasn't sure of his intentions. I'm not sure of the laws here in MI but he sure does so he has that advantage. My dad and I used to be close but whenever a man comes into my life, he gets mean. My brother says whenever I'm brought up, my dad just says "fu** her!" Ect. Yesterday my dad did mention that he would like my bf to give him a call once in awhile. So my bf just called him and my dad said he'll call him back later. Whatever.

I guess this post is more of a rant about mine and my dads relationship. What would you do if your parent did this to you? Why does my dad treat me this way?

[gayleggg]

Sounds like your dad has control issues. I don't know the laws in MI but in Texas if both your names are on the deed it would take both of your signatures to sell the property. Good luck.

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[divine1966]

He can't sell it if your name on it

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[Chyialee]

Originally Posted by divine1966

He can't sell it if your name on it

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^ This.

I'm unfamiliar with the Real Estate Laws specifics for your state, but one thing is pretty uniform at least w/in the Lower 48: If your name is also on the deed & title to your home, it cannot be contracted in sale without your signature. In fact, if he tried to list it, you could probably get an injunction and have the listing cancelled.

Honestly it sounds like your father has a bug up his backside bigtime. Not uncommon, unfortunately, when a parent is frustrated and trying to exert control over an adult child's decisions and life & behaviours. Arrgh, I feel for you, dear one. :/ That said, I have a couple of thoughts, having been on both ends of this child vs parent seesaw:

1. Every time, -in my experience at least, and historically-, that a parent of an adult child makes a sweeping threat (ultimatum, demand, or whatever label fits) that is this drastic and dramatic and terribly life-altering for the adult offspring, there is a specific set of responses &/or behaviours they are trying to acheive from said offspring. What result is your dad attempting to get from this ultimatum? There are at least three possibilitites that occur to me off the top of my head, & you've no doubt thought of a bunch more, since you know your father best.

2. One mistake my late parents (R.I.P.) and I made over the course of many years was a struggle for control of outcomes -- some very overt, and a whole shyt-tonne of passive aggressive push-me-pull-you battles. It covered the gamut: From the way I dressed, spoke, looked, & with whom I associated; to where I went to school, whom I dated, married (and divorced, which they did not believe in) ; and some very very hurtful episodes for all of us re my children & other family relationships. IMO your father is lashing out from some very deep fears. I may of course be very wrong, & pls forgive me if I am. :| Looking back, I can see a lot of underlying peprsonal difficulties that we were all of us totally oblivious to at the time -- and tbh we were too wrapped up in the conflicting issues to see anything but our own familial fears & pyrotechnics.

3. Like you, my daddy and I were very close when I was a child. Okay, let's face it: I was a main-lining Daddy's Girl, lol. Later in my life we had all these conflicts and it hurt both of us -- like yours, many of them stemmed from his concern re my personal & financial stability & monetary security. He was always very srsly concerned that any men & other relationships were looking to take advantage of me money-wise. (Tbh he was right in a few cases.)

4. He never said it in so many words, however, Mother did: He was afraid that I would never get on my feet monetarily after a scary marriage and hideous divorce: bluntly put, Daddy feared that he & Mother would be bailing me out forever, w/no end in sight, and they were older people when I was born, so they were legitimately concerned for their own futures as well as mine & the grandkids'. What I'm asking is, it sounds as tho there is some of this concern or even panic, in your father's asessment of things. Is it possible?

Sorry so long. I too have had to battle getting over-involved & over controlling w/my own kids & also siblings. It's tough to know what to do. Somedays I wanna give up and go hide

best to you, hon.
xo Chyia

[ComfortablyNumb5]

^^a lot of very good points made and quite accurate as far as our father/daughter relationship goes! I am probably a bit to blame because when I find a new bf I stop going to my dads as much and maybe he gets a bit lonely. But at the same time he acts more like an *** so it keeps me away! A rock and a hard place i guess.

[JustJenny]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I am probably a bit to blame because when I find a new bf I stop going to my dads as much and maybe he gets a bit lonely.

That is absolutely normal for a young person. When I entered a serious relationship my mother found that very very distressful and she cried a lot about it. I was torn between feeling very guilty and very happy. So I know what you mean...

[Rose76]

Having your boyfriend call your dad is not a good idea. Best to just ignore that request, if he repeats it.

Your dad may be bluffing, or not. Just do the best you can with paying your bills and see what happens.

You might try turning the tables by threatening to move out. As long as you live in this condo that he co-owns, he is going to make this threat, everytime he wants to control you . . . and that will go on forever. Getting thrown out is not something that will kill you. One way, or another, your boyfriend and you will figure something out . . . unless your bf really is mainly using you. If your dad threw you out, then he would lose his main leverage over you. That's why I doubt he will do that.

I'm sorry you lost your mom.

[CeCe333]

Maybe your dad doesn't want your boyfriend mooching off you
If he's living with you, he deserves to have to pay his fair share of expenses
And your dad is going through drastic measures for you to see this point

That or your dad is unethical and just wants to steal your property

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by CeCe333

Maybe your dad doesn't want your boyfriend mooching off you
If he's living with you, he deserves to have to pay his fair share of expenses
And your dad is going through drastic measures for you to see this point

That or your dad is unethical and just wants to steal your property

He has mentioned that my bf is using me for a place to stay. However my bf pays all our bills and when I was out of work for almost a year, he supported us the whole way. It wasn't easy but it was done. And as far as my dad being unethical, he's stolen from me before. When I was younger he opened a bank account in my name without me knowing. I was underage and don't remember the details but when I got older and got my own bank account, the IRS took a few thousand out for money I owed. When I confronted my dad he paid me back. That's why I take these threats seriously now.

[Rose76]

Your dad seems to not be an ethical man. To the extent that you ever let yourself be dependent on him, he's going to pull crap on you.